Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Paramour2_99 You don't need to discuss a thing. You should recognize that swinging is wrong,,,,point blank. Don't come to this forum expecting understanding. All you will get is instruction on how to pull it off.
The relationship you have with your wife is a Holy bond between you, God and her. Your gut is telling you something isn't right and you need no more intuition than that to know what you have to do.
You may need to check your wife out to see why she want's to swing. Chances are if she's got the nerve to tell you she want's another guy then her and this guy may be tired of hotels fees behind your back.
I tell ya what, tell her "honey that sounds like a good idea and that you've had your eye on her sister and maybe the four of you can hook-up and see what happens,,,lollol.
Sincerely "X" Swinger |
You know, if your posts reflect your own experiences and attitudes (yours and your wife's as well as the other unfortunates that you've met), it's no wonder you're as bitter and delusional as you are. Yeah, I said delusional!! Do you really believe that your experiences are the norm for swingers? Speaking from personal experience, I've never encountered anything - or anyone - remotely like what you've described. Ok, there are some misguided people actually living the lifestyle (you were admittedly one of them, I guess, for something like 10 years, and birds of a feather...), but if we noticed someone had a shitty attitude about swinging, we never pursued them! In fact, given a chance, we would have loved to suggest that maybe they needed to rethink their priorities! Of course, it's never polite to do so (as their relationship is their own business and no one else's), so we simply withdraw and hope they figure this stuff out on their own.
dr&mrs@px - Sorry for getting off on a tangent there, but Paramour likes to bait me and I just can't seem to help myself. I am hopelessly drawn. <EG>
I feel that you
have come to the right place for understanding and perspective. It's sometimes difficult for those who have grown comfortable with swinging to remember what it was like when swinging
wasn't so comfortable. She understands it, she knows she's ok with it, but she has trouble remembering what it was like to believe that the quality/quantity of your love was relative to the degree of devotion to sexual exclusivity with each other. She has since tossed that value system out the window. I think the scariness of this idea horrifies many people. They gasp in shock, "But whatever will become of the marriage?! There will be nothing left!" Our philosophy is that if that's all the marriage is made of, count yourselves both lucky that you figured that out so you could put things to rights. It means that, yeah! you have to deal with it now. You can't pretend that problems don't exist anymore. It means you find out
exactly what it is that holds your relationship together, what it's lacking, what it's strengths are, and whether or not you both want to salvage and restore it, build on what you have, or cut your losses and part amiably.
Perhaps there are some who don't understand why anyone would want to rock the boat like this; it's true, your marriage could survive an entire lifetime of contentedness if you didn't open Pandora's Box. Some people are perfectly happy never knowing the Bottom Line. Others, however, prefer to pursue absolute truth, whatever it may be, and know for certain that this relationship with their spouse is exactly what it is without gloss or pretense. Then they KNOW. It is resolved. It is solid. It is as absolute as a relationship can be between two imperfect human beings. This knowledge is unbelievably liberating. When others worry that their spouse is having an affair, if you have achieved this level of communication with your own spouse, you will sit beside this friend of yours and feel sorry that she would not know this about her husband already.
dr&mrs@px, you mentioned that she's "doing him already". Is she in fact having sex with him? An affair? Do you know this, or are you assuming it? It's difficult to give advice without knowing what your wife's experiences were in the lifestyle. If her experiences were like those in Paramour's post, I would strongly recommend NOT pursuing it until you can both build yourselves and your relationship up to it. The most important thing you can do is to express how threatening this feels to you. She needs to understand that if you are to learn to love swinging, you need time and patience from her to ease into it at your own pace, and learn about it. Moving slowly and without pressure is the key. I wouldn't automatically assume that she's having sex with the guy if she's merely mentioned an interest in doing so; thinking and doing are two different things and one doesn't always have to preclude the other.
The other thing I'll say is that allowing her to go out on her own to screw some other guy probably isn't a great way to start! You'll only feel neglected, left out, abandonned, unwanted, unloved...resentful. If she expects you to join her in her views of swinging, she should be supporting you right now, making you feel like her knight in shining armour. She should be reassuring you of your place in her life and her heart. It's okay to let her know if you're feeling any of those things I mentioned above. She might be simply assuming that, since you're a guy, you understand that love and sex aren't the same thing (right?), and that you're always horny so you'd understand. I think gender-based assumptions like this can be pretty dangerous; although I've heard it's easier for men to differentiate between love and fun sex, it's not as automatic as is commonly believed I think. See if you can find out what she's thinking and feeling about this stuff.
Long post. Sorry. Hope I've helped some. Please keep us updated!