Hi vickster, Welcome to the board! You're in luck, because if you're looking for information, support and understanding, you've come to the right place. Everyone here is friendly and helpful, and we all...well, most of us anyway...have our heads on straight..
I think, whether you decide swinging is your cup of tea or not, you'll like it here. People here are compassionate, yet at the same time they won't bullshit you.
My first suggestion would be to visit the FAQ section and the
New Swingers forum. This gives a good overview of things. Then search this message board using keywords that might bring up relevent threads. Such as jealousy, nervous, religion, "how do I", cheating, infidelity, boundaries, "why swing", etc. If you take the time to read some of the opinions and experiences that people have already posted, you'll start to get an idea of the kind of people you're dealing with here, and what their motivations are.
Swinging might not be for you. Some people simply have no interest in pursuing it, and that should be respected. You've expressed that you are a very sexual person (most swingers are), and that you're curious (bingo again), but you'll find nothing but resentment and bitterness down the road if you go into it for the wrong reasons. Such as a 'last resort' to keeping your marriage together, or just to keep him happy. You should never feel at all that you are being diminished or disrespected in any way. Quite the opposite in fact. Swinging is a great equalizer of the sexes, IMO; women have 50/50 partnership in this deal. Ok, maybe 51/49 in women's favour, simply because men realize they need to treat women like ladies, not hunks of meat, or walking dollies. Swinging, when it's successful, is a great way to build your communication skills, assertiveness, diplomacy, tact, and other social skills. It's very demanding at times, and not always comfortable; there will be times when you will feel hurt by something your partner does or says. It's how you deal with that when it happens that matters most. If you can look at things objectively without letting your emotions get the better of you, even in the heat of the moment, you'll likely be just fine.
So anyhow, back to your situation. I'd like to say that if your husband is pressuring you to jump right into this, he's being counterproductive. This is something that you need to decide
for yourself. It might be a-ok with him, but you are not him. It is admirable that you are willing to talk about this and even consider it; many spouses would just freak out and shut down completely at their significant other suggesting extramarital sex. So he should be appreciative of your open-mindedness. I'd recommend that neither of you draw lines in the sand about the matter. It shouldn't come to that. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of sharing one another with outside people at this time, he should respect that and give you ample (ample as in possibly years) time to allow yourself to evolve in this direction. It's a slow process and it can't be rushed. So try not to feel pressured by him.
The unfortunate bottom line is that if he is unbending and insistent that you both start swinging, you may need to consider whether he is the right partner for you. It should never have to come to that, but you need to respect yourself and your own comfort level if
he refuses to. Rather than give him an ultimatum, urge him to consider what is more important to him: his desire for sex, or his respect for you and your feelings. It's as simple as informing him that you cannot, in good conscience, engage in something that you feel would harm you psychologically, emotionally, or spiritually. And at this time, you don't feel ready to dive right in. Make it clear that if he chooses to ignore this and continues to push you in that direction, he is disrespecting your feelings on the matter, and that is not acceptable.
Now the good news is that 'swinging' doesn't automatically mean switching partners for the night. There's a wide spectrum of activities that count as swinging. Soft swingers are voyeuristic/exhibitionistic; they enjoy having sex with their own partner in the same room with another couple doing the same. The amount of interaction between the two couples just depends on everyone's interests and comfort level. Other sexy activities to try would be flirting with other people in front of one another (ie: flirt with the cute shoe sales-guy while your hubby stands there holding your shopping bags, or wink at your waiter, etc.). Maybe you could both try going to a strip club. Buy one another a lap dance. This might be a good way to 'test the waters' so to speak, and gauge how strongly you'll react. This will prompt some highly productive conversation. I wouldn't recommend going to a swingers club just yet if you feel he might be anxious to get the party started. It depends on his attitude, though. If he's going to be patient and allow you to explore the club scene at your own pace, and he's willing to hang back and let you take the lead, it would be a good experience. But if you feel he'd likely ditch you at the door or make a bee-line to the hot red head across the way, don't do it.
Talked your ear of, didn't I?
There are many many many posts on getting started in the lifestyle. And in just about all of them, you'll notice the answers always lie in one another, not in others' opinions. So talk to your husband earnestly and honestly. Get more info about his perspective and motivations in all this.
Hope I've helped a bit. Again, welcome!