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he started getting very upset with me and said i should get off this board(lol).
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I wonder why he would want you off of a board that is being supportive of the marriage and not pushing you into revenge swinging?
He does sound selfish, making rules that he chose not to live up to. I too think you need to Both stop considering any outside activities until the marriage is on stable footing.
I guess I'm just much more into fair play, he shouldn't be making all of the rules with out your input any more than you should. That means not setting up meetings, discussing your interpersonal & sexual relationship with third parties such as that woman or making a rule that only one or the other is allowed sexual contact with another partner-all of those things should be discussed thoroughly and mutually agreed upon- no agreement, no play for either!!