The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Considering swinging, but have other issues, where do we start?

all4him · 07-26-2005, 11:06 PM

Actually, I'm not that young. 32 and have four kids, he's 28 and has 2. Ok you can stop laughing now. Yes, a virgin mother. Or that's what I used to feel like before my bf. He's the one who taught me how to give blow jobs. So yeah I know I'm a little old to just be starting to learn about sex, especially considering the kids.

I know we need to do a lot more talking first. This subject only came up a few days ago. And the first time we talked it was a huge argument. He said I ruined the mood because I was worried about things like STD's and stuff. Sorry, I don't want one and before I would consider doing this we need to have the bases covered.

So what do you recommend for making sure it's right for both of us. Like I said earlier, I'm open to the idea so that's not an issue. How do we get past the roadblocks that are in our path. I read a lot of the threads that deal with seperating sex from our love and relationship, I guess my question is how do you do that? Him being turned on is a major turn on for me, and I know this would do it for him. And I do want to try it and see what it's like. I think there is a definite possibility that I would enjoy it as well, not just for his sake.

The trust issues definitely have to be dealt with first. (1) I think the issues from the past would remanifest themselves in this type of situation if we don't work them out completely first. (2) I think those issues would also the ruin what could be a very enjoyable experience. I won't do it unless I'm certain that neither of us would hold the experiences against each other in the future.

Jealousy is another thing. Ok, how can a person not be jealous when someone else is touching their mate? He says it would be a turn on to see me with someone else. For me I think it would be a turn on to have him watching. But I don't understand how it could be a turn on for him to see that. And I don't think it would be a very comfortable feeling for me to see him with someone else. I know I can't expect him to watch me with someone else yet tell him he can't touch another woman. That wouldn't be fair. And if I am with another guy, I don't want my bf to just watch either. I want him involved. But could I do that with him and another female? So many questions..... What can I do to lose these inhibitions once we are sure the trust issues are over with? It all boils down to he's ready right now (no, he's not pressuring me, matter of fact he's pretty much dropped the subject. I'm the one who keeps bringing it back up), but me, well my mind is, but my heart is still saying "no, it's wrong to be with someone else."

To be honest, I even think I let the trust thing stand between us on this out of fear of the unknown. I'm not even sure it's a real issue anymore. Am I just using it as a crutch? Why? Especially since, as I said, I'm intrigued by the idea. So how do I get past the fear. Do I just jump right in and hope I don't sink?

07-26-2005, 11:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
all4him Registered Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 8 Location: las vegas	Re: where to begin???? Actually, I'm not that young. 32 and have four kids, he's 28 and has 2. Ok you can stop laughing now. Yes, a virgin mother. Or that's what I used to feel like before my bf. He's the one who taught me how to give blow jobs. So yeah I know I'm a little old to just be starting to learn about sex, especially considering the kids. I know we need to do a lot more talking first. This subject only came up a few days ago. And the first time we talked it was a huge argument. He said I ruined the mood because I was worried about things like STD's and stuff. Sorry, I don't want one and before I would consider doing this we need to have the bases covered. So what do you recommend for making sure it's right for both of us. Like I said earlier, I'm open to the idea so that's not an issue. How do we get past the roadblocks that are in our path. I read a lot of the threads that deal with seperating sex from our love and relationship, I guess my question is how do you do that? Him being turned on is a major turn on for me, and I know this would do it for him. And I do want to try it and see what it's like. I think there is a definite possibility that I would enjoy it as well, not just for his sake. The trust issues definitely have to be dealt with first. (1) I think the issues from the past would remanifest themselves in this type of situation if we don't work them out completely first. (2) I think those issues would also the ruin what could be a very enjoyable experience. I won't do it unless I'm certain that neither of us would hold the experiences against each other in the future. Jealousy is another thing. Ok, how can a person not be jealous when someone else is touching their mate? He says it would be a turn on to see me with someone else. For me I think it would be a turn on to have him watching. But I don't understand how it could be a turn on for him to see that. And I don't think it would be a very comfortable feeling for me to see him with someone else. I know I can't expect him to watch me with someone else yet tell him he can't touch another woman. That wouldn't be fair. And if I am with another guy, I don't want my bf to just watch either. I want him involved. But could I do that with him and another female? So many questions..... What can I do to lose these inhibitions once we are sure the trust issues are over with? It all boils down to he's ready right now (no, he's not pressuring me, matter of fact he's pretty much dropped the subject. I'm the one who keeps bringing it back up), but me, well my mind is, but my heart is still saying "no, it's wrong to be with someone else." To be honest, I even think I let the trust thing stand between us on this out of fear of the unknown. I'm not even sure it's a real issue anymore. Am I just using it as a crutch? Why? Especially since, as I said, I'm intrigued by the idea. So how do I get past the fear. Do I just jump right in and hope I don't sink?