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Originally Posted by EternallySingle A few minutes ago a couple on SLS asked if I would consider joining them. Cool  , right? Well, the couple asked me to do the one thing I just cannot wrap my libido around. They wanted me to be their (both of them) master. I can't do it. I know. I did it before and over six months I, at 23, started to develop an erection problem. At the end, I actually broke down and cried because I couldn't bring myself to order one of my two women to feed me at a SCA-type event. Even though the sixty+ people who were there suddenly dropped their roles and tried to comfort me, I knew that was one sexual activity I would never be able to do. Even after several dozen free counselling sessions (yes, one of the mistresses was also a clinical psychiatrist), I knew I could never handle THAT much responsibility for someone else's sexual pleasure. The amount of trust given to me was way too much for me to handle.
So, does anyone have an activity that totally turns them off when someone suggests it? I don't just mean something they don't like but something that brings up bad memories and kills their desire to even think about sex until they can calm down? |
What an awful experience for you, ES! I haven't done much reading into BDSM type activities or D/s role-playing, but I do know that there's more to it than black leather, whips and chains. I have tried taking on the role of 'Top', and it places a person at what feels like a dizzying height. It feels sort of like standing on tip-toe on the top of a swaying telephone pole. There's no one to look to for suggestions or answers. It's all you baby! I found it extremely uncomfortable. I think many - if not most - people would. Some people like the idea of bossing someone around, using the position of power inappropriately. I think really good Dom(me)s are few and far between, but that there are
many people who want the sense of being nurtured and controlled and cared for in much the same way they were as a child. There is comfort in that, I think. It all comes down to the fact that there just ain't as much love in the world as there should be!
So what activity is totally off limits for me? Hmmm. I can't abide being called a slut, a whore, a bitch, or some other derogatory term. In fantasy, the idea of being 'used' appeals to me, but it is NOT something I would ever want to make a reality. Although I have fantasies that involve bondage, Mr. and I have tried making them a reality and I FREAKED O U T ! He wondered if I had been sexually abused as a child or something (?!?!) because I reacted so strongly against it. I have no memory of anything remotely like abuse as a child or any other time in my life, so I have no idea where this sudden panic came from. It just hit out of the blue!
Another time we got playing kind of rough. For a bit of background, Mr.'s previous experience includes some D/s play some years ago that he enjoyed, so although we do not pursue it at all as swingers, he is not unfamiliar with the idea of being slapped in the face. We experienced a steep learning curve that evening when he realized that I am NOT used to being slapped in the face. He didn't slap me that hard - certainly not enough to leave a mark!! - but hard enough that it shocked me. He meant absolutely nothing by it, and did it only in play. He thought that perhaps I would find it stimulating as he enjoys rough play like this himself. Sorry if this is shocking anyone, but we were in an experimental mood, and this was the particular path we were following at that moment. Anyway, I tried so hard not to feel hurt by it, but I did. You can spank my ass until it's red, you can pinch my nipple 'til I cry uncle, but I absolutely draw the line at slapping my face. No matter how hard I might try, I just can't get my head around it. I can't help but take it personally. I simply asked him not to do it again. I tried to reassure him that it was just some hangup I had, and that I was fine. I understood completely that he meant nothing by it. But he said he saw the hurt look in my eyes when I asked him not to do it again. In 11 years I have seen this man cry twice. This was one of those times.