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Originally Posted by WiserNow ...I'm sure a lot more could be said about basics, but these are a couple of the important ones. As most people would recognize, they're dictated by plain old common sense. Rejections can be for any of a huge variety of reasons, but my problem has always been with those couples who accept a single male but then start imposing conditions. Rules are one thing, like I said I'll play by their rules, I'm used to that. But at some point I can't help getting the feeling I'm expected to do something to 'earn' what I want, that it's no longer a level playing field. It's my choice also, but some couples seem to be the opposite case from the single male who's only in it to get his rocks off.
My goal today, as it has been from the beginning, is simply to develop a small circle of intimate friends and enjoy sex. I don't care for one-night stands any more than most women or couples do. When I find someone I enjoy sex with I like to go back for more, not just move on to the next contact. I'm not an animal, not a machine, and good memories should be built upon, not just enjoyed once and then discarded. It's frustrating to me that so many of the couples I've made contact with are more the 'bedpost notcher' type.
Not long ago I enjoyed an evening with a very nice couple, and one of the things she complained about was that she doesn't hear from most single males until they're horny again and it makes her feel used. I can definitely sympathize because the same thing happens to me. This same lady ended up fitting the very description she ascribed to single males, doing exactly what she complained so bitterly about. I'm not sure she realized what she was doing, or maybe she felt somehow justified, but since our threesome the only time she's talked to me is when I spoke first. The only time she's ever initiated a contact was when she invited me to join them, but never before or since. Go figure.
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Ah, the dreaded "this is what I want from a man but not what I'm willing to do" syndrome. One of the things you just have to live with.
Back on the subject, another thing you have to do, as a single man involved with a couple, is explain to them what you expect from them. They have no fear about telling you what you should do. If you require more than a weeks notice (a lot of couples and single women on SLS say they want single men who are available at a moment's notice...can we get away with saying that
) tell them up front. Better yet, in your profile. Make any requirements on THEM known as soon as possible. Don't lower your standards or expectations because you KNOW it will eliminate people that would otherwise want to meet you.
And never swing with someone you wouldn't date. Even though a romantic relationship (probably) isn't what the couple wants to develop with you, you have to feel you could be his drinking buddy and her boyfriend...IF SHE WERE SINGLE AND LOOKING...if you are going to enjoy an MFM threesome. Of course, you should never let yourself feel anything more than the familiararity of a long time acquaintance or friendship with the couple you swing with, but do you really think you could have sex with a woman that normally would not interest you sexually? I don't think so. Men can fake the emotions, but not the act.
Also, don't swing when you meet a single woman you think about more than twice in a day. Even if you are not dating her, if you think about her all the time, she is thinking about you at least some of the time. And one of Murphy's Laws, I don't know which one, says that the moment you set up a swing date, the woman you are interested in will want to have sex with you the same day. And we single men know what happens when we turn down a woman that's horny and wants us in particular because we have a prior commitment. She suddenly doesn't think about us "that way" anymore and you have lost a potential relationship (or at least a possible bed buddy) for a night with a couple that may or may not see you again for a few months or years. If there might be a woman in your life, don't accept any invitations to swing!!!!!!!
Well, other than that, everything else you might think of has already been posted somewhere by someone.
have fun and be safe