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Originally Posted by NaughtyKitten Have you ever felt jealous of your favorite swing partner being with other people? I have met a great single guy that we have had 2 MFM situations with. He has become a good friend to both hubby and I. We chat all the time through IM about all kinds of stuff, not just sex. We like each other and like having sex with each other, we are not "falling in love" or anything like that. But the other day I was talking with him about a trip he is going on this weekend. Chances are he will be with other women there. I found myself feeling a twinge of jealousy, or maybe its possessiveness, when he said that. It's not a serious issue. In fact, I find it kind of funny that I would feel this way. |
Having been "the other guy" in another life, I'll add my .02 here...
I think you're treading a very fine line with this person. You may not be "falling in love with him," but by your own admission, you're "falling in like." The fact that you and he are "chatting all the time through IM about all kinds of stuff, not just sex" tells me that your interest in him isn't just a sexual one, and that he's probably expressing some feelings of "like" to you in return. It may be an online flirtation for him, but it has the earmarks of becoming something more to you. Have you been sharing your feelings about this other man...
and your chats with him...with your husband?
Another thing is this "twinge of jealousy, or maybe it's possessiveness" that you feel about your friend being with other women on his upcoming trip. Are you worried that your friend will form an emotional attachment to another woman...an attachment you wish he was instead forming with
you? If this guy is nothing more than a friend and an occasional fuck buddy to you and your husband, why not wish him "much success with the ladies" on his trip, and enjoy your weekend at home? If you can't do that, and genuinely
mean it, I'd be concerned
One of the basic precepts of swinging is that those who participate in it are, in essence, expected to enjoy having
sex with other people without having any
feelings or forming any emotional bonds with them. It's a behavioral model that most psychologists believe to be flawed, and which I believe to be the root cause of many of the problems couples encounter in swinging. Personally, I think that good sex leads to good friendships (and vice-versa) while great sex often leads to something more. I further believe that the difference between "friendship" and "something more" is often defined by the level of possessiveness one feels towards their lover. For example, it's my sincereest wish that my
friends, both male and female, be laid often and well. But my
lovers? I want
them all to
myself...
The line between "friend" and "lover" can be an extraordinarily difficult one to tread,
especially for a single male. I don't know if this is a "serious issue" yet, but I feel it could become one, given a little encouragement from this guy.