[txduo2000]

I didn’t initially say no to swinging; I put the brakes on it a couple years ago, though.
It was a long drawn out time consuming process to get to where we are today.

We started out really, really slow. My husband introduced me to the whole thing, but I was young and naïve and honestly would never have considered anything like this in my former life. In fact, I was critical of swingers, and laughed at those references in the movies (Raising Arizona comes to mind, lol). It was like, “ewwwww, why would I want to do something like THAT!”

So, when current hubby (we were dating at the time) told me about his brother and sister-in-law who were supposedly in the lifestyle, I was incredibly shocked. Then later when he told me that he and his ex-wife had gone to a couple of off-premise clubs, but to no real completion (i.e., meeting with/joining with others), I was a little less shocked. Then when he suggested we go to one of these clubs …. Hell, I was game (I am a very adventurous and wild girl, wrapped up very neatly in an ultra-conservative package). I was a little nervous and told hubby to stick close to me at all times. The first couple times we went to the clubs I was turned on by the sexual energy, but didn’t participate. It kind of just eventually kept evolving, slowly, like that until we were engaging in house parties and actually meeting people and placing ads … the whole bit.

But about 2 years into it, I started having a lot of the same mind-wars with myself that Intuition described. I was having a real problem justifying the way I was living to the way I believed in my faith. I figured the two were at complete odds and that I was being hypocritical in living my life that way. (I still have this problem, I have just learned to block it out, for the sake of the enjoyment of my fun – kind of like a kid who blatantly disobeys their parents because whatever they are doing is fun!) I also had A LOT of jealousy issues. Now if any of you remember my post-response in the thread “Selfish?”, I really have a huge problem with a couple in which one is allowed to play and the other is not allowed to do anything at all. Part of this came about in discussing my husband’s ex-wife and their quasi-adventures into swinging. Apparently, that’s what she wanted … she could play … he could only expect to watch. Anywho … I am running off onto a tangent … I started feeling jealous and we weren’t communicating well, and I wasn’t willing to do what I wasn’t willing to allow him to do, so I halted it. And, truthfully, I did feel quite a bit of another of Intuition’s comments – I began to feel used … and felt it was my own husband who was basically whoring me out to whoever would have me. That is definitely resolved now. I know that is not what it was … again, goes back to communication and we had ZIP then.

We have only recently gotten back in (like 3 months), but already I can feel a world of difference in my feelings from when I halted everything a couple years ago, to where I am now in my security and comfort level. I enjoy seeing him with other women, I enjoy being in a MFM threesome, and I enjoy full swap. I ignore my religious issues, he and I talk more and I take responsibility for my own sexuality and do not suppress it any longer, nor do I blame anyone for allowing me to act on something that I truly enjoy.