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intuition897 · 06-27-2005, 08:46 PM

Several reasons:
Conflict with my religion (resolved now)
Was hurt that my husband thought so little of me that he didn't care who else used me sexually (obviously a HUGE misunderstanding, thoroughly resolved now)
Guilt. Felt like I would be betraying my husband if I admitted that I had sexual feelings for other people.

I finally realized just how little it has to do with sex, and how much of it has to do with everything else that you and your spouse share. Indeed, the whole point of it seems to be to render sex impotent in its ability to dictate the success or failure of a relationship. It is put firmly in its place. It no longer has a name or a place at the family table so to speak. It's a tool. It's an inanimate object. It can be fun, it can be very dangerous and it must be respected and handled very responsibly, but that does not make it any more or less than what it is, and it is not worth putting on a pedestal to worship as the be-all-end-all of a relationship/marriage. You realize eventually the mistake of holding your relationship together with such a fickle glue as sex, and start really dove-tailing together the more solid, real aspects of your marriage...the real reasons you stay together besides sex.

EDIT>> After re-reading this post, I realized that I'm making it sound like we try to suck all the joy out of sex. NOT true at ALL! It's just that putting sex in proper perspective this way allows us to fully understand the difference between making love to our spouse vs. having fun, friendly sex with some good friends. The key is in learning to see the difference between love and sex, and how they can exist independent of one another without needing to deteriorate into something unhealthy. The result is a much richer sexual experience with each other. It's like the difference between chocolate pudding for dessert and triple chocolate cheesecake with raspberry glaze and brandy cream garnish. You become much much more aware of one another's uniqueness and sexiness, which sort of nicely combines the snap that you both felt when you first met, with the comfortable familarity that only comes with having known each other so long.

06-27-2005, 08:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,633 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:intuition897	Re: Question for wives Several reasons: Conflict with my religion (resolved now) Was hurt that my husband thought so little of me that he didn't care who else used me sexually (obviously a HUGE misunderstanding, thoroughly resolved now) Guilt. Felt like I would be betraying my husband if I admitted that I had sexual feelings for other people. I finally realized just how little it has to do with sex, and how much of it has to do with everything else that you and your spouse share. Indeed, the whole point of it seems to be to render sex impotent in its ability to dictate the success or failure of a relationship. It is put firmly in its place. It no longer has a name or a place at the family table so to speak. It's a tool. It's an inanimate object. It can be fun, it can be very dangerous and it must be respected and handled very responsibly, but that does not make it any more or less than what it is, and it is not worth putting on a pedestal to worship as the be-all-end-all of a relationship/marriage. You realize eventually the mistake of holding your relationship together with such a fickle glue as sex, and start really dove-tailing together the more solid, real aspects of your marriage...the real reasons you stay together besides sex. EDIT>> After re-reading this post, I realized that I'm making it sound like we try to suck all the joy out of sex. NOT true at ALL! It's just that putting sex in proper perspective this way allows us to fully understand the difference between making love to our spouse vs. having fun, friendly sex with some good friends. The key is in learning to see the difference between love and sex, and how they can exist independent of one another without needing to deteriorate into something unhealthy. The result is a much richer sexual experience with each other. It's like the difference between chocolate pudding for dessert and triple chocolate cheesecake with raspberry glaze and brandy cream garnish. You become much much more aware of one another's uniqueness and sexiness, which sort of nicely combines the snap that you both felt when you first met, with the comfortable familarity that only comes with having known each other so long.
	__________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure. Last edited by intuition897; 06-27-2005 at 08:59 PM.