[EternallySingle]

hmm...

Clem's post was interesting, and it shows the pitfall of being a single man in the swinging world. No matter what anyone says, it will be the woman that decides if a single guy is interesting enough to consider meeting (even if its the husband/boyfriend that decides if they will meet). Therefore, a single man's personal ad HAS to be written from a perspective most single men don't have to deal with when dating single women: It has to be written as if he was trying to convince the husband to go on a date with his wife, and written so that the wife will want to convince her husband to let her go on that date.

I'm not saying the ad has to be written in a way that says "Let me go out with your wife tonight" but the guy has to come across as both attractive to the woman (very easy, we've been learning how to do that all our lives from the time when we got our first kiss) and not threatening to the established relationship. As I said before, unless the single man has prior experience swinging as part of a couple, he won't learn how to do this except by trial and error. Unfortunately, women only give men they haven't slept with one mistake when trying to get to that point. Thats life. You deal with it and move on, hopefully realizing what your mistake was and learning from it.

I used to have an ad on Swing Lifestyle that was blasted by most of the single men, but almost all the couples and single women said they would have liked to meet me based on my ad. All the guys with certifications had ads similar to mine. I just live in an area where the people I would have wanted to meet were not looking for single men. One couple did write, but they wanted to meet on a night I had a H**O**T**T date, and told them so. A single woman wrote also, but I was spending the weekend with the woman I had the smoking date with a week earlier. Neither responded favorably when I suggested we try to meet at a different time, but that goes back to the other drawback to being a single man. Turn down sex once and you rarely get a second chance UNLESS you have alread had sex with the woman. Don't ask me why. I'm not a woman. I just know what I've seen and experienced both in and out of the swinging world.

And thats another drawback to being a single man and trying to swing. Again, we know that 90% of the women we meet will only give us one time to turn down a request to sleep with them. After that, we are seen as playing games. My profile says I date, so I need more than three days notice for a get together, even if its just to talk. It also says that an encounter with someone from a swing site has to offer me something other than sex, like something similar to an intelligent non-sexual conversation and fun non-sexual evening doing SOMETHING besides eating or drinking coffee. Oddly enough, those seem to be some of the things couples and single women say they want to hear from single men on swing sites. That swinging is something they do on the side, not that swinging is the center of their social life.

Yeah, I'm high maintenance when it comes to swinging, but I want to have fun, first, last, and always. Thats also in my profile. The sex talk makes a guy seem desperate. I'm not. I can't be. Desperation leads to dispair. Dispair leads to anger. And anger is a path to the dark side.

Oops, channelling Obi-Wan again. LOL.