asr999 --
It's happened to me personally on two occasions, both while swinging with another couple. Same couple, at that.
First time was really pretty funny, since myself AND the other guy were left flapping in the breeze. This was after an extended period of oral, at least 90 minutes straight. I'm telling you, my lower jaw was numb.
http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/frown.gif The other lady called a temporary halt to things so both of us studs could tone down the frustration level each of us was feeling about ourselves. After ten minutes or so with the four of us just chatting about things in general, nature began to re-assert herself, and we both had successful (and enjoyable) intercourse with each other's wives.
The second time was a personal nightmare for me. The four of us (same couple) attended a swinger's dance (Halloween theme), an event we had all looked forward to for weeks. Had dinner together first, booked a hotel room together, reeeeeally big buildup. Same scenario, we re-wrote the book on oral sex, I'm like a piece of wrought iron the whole time, then comes time to rip open the condom package. And the son of a bitch goes soft.
In the meantime, her husband and my wife (who's VERY vocal in the throes of orgasm) are busy peeling paint off the walls. Honestly, I worried about someone calling the cops, with her screaming.
And I felt as miserable as a man can feel. I didn't want Janette (my wife) to know, I didn't want to ruin their obvious fun. When J and R finished, she then realized what was going on, and took me into the bathroom to calm me down. I did end up being able get an erection again, and had intercourse with R's wife. Even got some dual oral from both women!
http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif
We swung a few times with them after that night, and I had no problems. But I feel as though the performance anxiety thing is like a crazy aunt hidden away in my attic. I know she's there, and I'm afraid she'll wander downstairs again when I least expect it.
Dan