I think you misunderstood my post, I was in no way trying to make you out to be the bad guys. Just trying to point out what may or may not have been done on your end that may have caused the problem to begin with.
I'm not saying you shouldn't take whatever precautions you feel necessary to be comfortable. However, you do need to look at things from the other persons perspective as well and consider your responsibility rather than assume that what you believe or think is what everyone else believes or thinks. If you weren't clear up front about using dental dams then you can't expect them to assume that you will be, because they are very rarely used in this lifestyle.
Each person/ couple has to decide what they want/ need to do to feel comfortable swinging and being safe. Liza and her hubby only soft-swing as their way of cutting down their risk, you choose to use protection at any contact. Whatever your rules are, it is YOUR responsibility to make those clear to the other parties you are swinging with, it is NOT their responsibility to figure out your rules.
Yes, I agree that it was a bit of an overreaction for her to get up and walk out, BUT how would you react if someone came in wearing rubber gloves and said I can't touch you without these, I'm afraid I might put my fingers in my mouth and spread some disease from you to me? To many people it's the same thing because they don't use dental dams and don't see the need for them.
Anyone who chooses to enter this lifestyle chooses to take on a certain amount of risks, how much risk is completely up to them. That's a decision each person must make and you can't condem other people because they didn't make the same decision you made.
So no, you aren't the bad guy here, but neither are they. It takes two to tango and there was a miscommunication here that involved all of you. However, I don't think that you can expect other swingers to ask if you mean to include dental dams for oral sex when you tell them you only do safe sex even in regards to oral, that's something you'll have to make clear to them.
Julie
http://www.swingersboard.com