The Swingers Board - View Single Post - When swingers become friends and things go downhill

northindycpl · 06-06-2005, 08:34 AM

The casual friendships (ie Fuck buddies) is a way to go. What I have found is that, your friendship does evolve over time. Maybe you start there, and the more you see each other, the more valued the relationship becomes. The deeper it becomes.

I think you meet different types of swingers. There are certainly swingers that are just fun people. People that you meet up with, laugh with and screw. Over time, you find you have little in common outside of swinging, and so even though they have become good friends, it is still just fun and sex. But sometimes you want more. Sometimes, accidentally you find more.

Then you have the couples that start off as the couples above, but over time you find that you share a lot of similar interests. People you genuinely enjoy both in and out of the bedroom. That adds an extra level of friendship to your swinging. There is an extra level of mutual generosity, trust, compassion for each other that just doesn't exist with the other kind of swinging. And when that happens, even if (like in our case) the sex isn't the hottest you've ever had, it makes it the hottest because you have this extra je ne sais qua in the background.

That extra level develops into a bond of sorts. Then something goes astray and you are left with the loss. It takes a lot of time to develop that extra level, and as with anything else, your emotional attachment forms. I am not talking about a romantic or sexual attachment. I am talking about emotionally attached to them as friends. Just like you were emotionally attached to your best friend in highschool or college. Expect these are people that you have no pretenses with.

It is just different. The sexual chemistry felt, is different.

My underlying question is; can you have that different better sex with great friends, and not create and emotional bond? Is it just impossible to do?

And it occured to me last night, maybe it is us. Maybe we didn't close converstaions we had with them quickly enough. Maybe we should set conversation boundaries. Does anyone out there do that?

06-06-2005, 08:34 AM	#10 (permalink)
northindycpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,425 Location: Indiana Status: Blissfull SITCOM Swing Lifestyle Name:northindycpl	Re: When good swinging goes bad The casual friendships (ie Fuck buddies) is a way to go. What I have found is that, your friendship does evolve over time. Maybe you start there, and the more you see each other, the more valued the relationship becomes. The deeper it becomes. I think you meet different types of swingers. There are certainly swingers that are just fun people. People that you meet up with, laugh with and screw. Over time, you find you have little in common outside of swinging, and so even though they have become good friends, it is still just fun and sex. But sometimes you want more. Sometimes, accidentally you find more. Then you have the couples that start off as the couples above, but over time you find that you share a lot of similar interests. People you genuinely enjoy both in and out of the bedroom. That adds an extra level of friendship to your swinging. There is an extra level of mutual generosity, trust, compassion for each other that just doesn't exist with the other kind of swinging. And when that happens, even if (like in our case) the sex isn't the hottest you've ever had, it makes it the hottest because you have this extra je ne sais qua in the background. That extra level develops into a bond of sorts. Then something goes astray and you are left with the loss. It takes a lot of time to develop that extra level, and as with anything else, your emotional attachment forms. I am not talking about a romantic or sexual attachment. I am talking about emotionally attached to them as friends. Just like you were emotionally attached to your best friend in highschool or college. Expect these are people that you have no pretenses with. It is just different. The sexual chemistry felt, is different. My underlying question is; can you have that different better sex with great friends, and not create and emotional bond? Is it just impossible to do? And it occured to me last night, maybe it is us. Maybe we didn't close converstaions we had with them quickly enough. Maybe we should set conversation boundaries. Does anyone out there do that?
	__________________ Mrs. Indy