So I am turning to you my SB friends, to hear me out and most importantly, guide us into the next chapter of our swinging world.
When you pass the title of Newbie but still don't think you have had enough experience to be considered Pro's- you wind up in between and that is where we are.
Typically, we are somewhat casual friends with our playmates. Arranging activities, going to clubs, whatever. We are not a notch gathering couple, and prefer to meet and see couples we have vertical fun and friendship with- or so we thought.
We met a couple last year and starting spending time with them. They are new to couples, not the lifestyle really, they have had a several year's long MFM situation with a single man, which was their only experience. After they met us they decided they wanted to try couples and they decided to try us.
Honestly, the sex wasn't great, but the sex coupled with the friendship was nice. She became my friend, he became Mr. Indy's. I spent a lot of time answering her questions about sex, swinging, etc. and we spent a lot of time 'mentoring' them on rules, boundaries, etc.
Becomming a friend to people you seek recreational sex and fun with, seemed like a good idea. Kill Two birds with one stone, I thought. We didn't have any type of of exclusive friendship with them or anything. We still sought out other couples and still went out. We just really started seeing them a lot. We saw them more than anyone else.
There were things that occurred that were irritating to us-because of the depth of the friendship that was forming. Things that wouldn't be irritating if they were just friends. But were irritating because they were friends we fuck. We began to know a lot of stuff about their vanilla lives. Job issues, kid issues, money issues.
Because of those things occuring in their lives, there was drama. There was a lot of drama. Because of the drama we don't play. We haven't played with them in about 8 weeks. Mr. Indy and I just don't want to. Mr. Indy and I just stopped having fun, and stopped wanting to see them. The drama just consumed our friendship.
Mr. Indy and I had a long talk about it, and we decided to give them an opportunity to reform the friendship within mutually exceptable boundaries.
(IE stop telling us all your problems with money, kids, job)
We tried to clear the air with them, many times. Give them an opportunity to clear the air with us. Nothing worked.
We decided for our sake to end it.
So we have now ended everything with them. In fact, I did it today with an email. (Chicken-shit as that may be)
I feel terrible. My heart hurts. As frustrating as they were, I still feel like I could just cry. We made the right decision, but it still hurts a bit.
I know it is best to add it up to experience. But this experince sucks. I have lost my friend and we have lost a couple we used to have fun with. This experience has caused me to greatly reflect on our experience.
How do you not get some sort of emotional tie to the people you swing with, those that become friends over a period of time? How do you not care about them to a degree? How do you end a longer term friendship when it isn't good for you anymore?
I find that I have to have some sort of connection and desire for the other couple. I have to have had a few meetings (maybe drinks and coffee) before I am ready to play. I have found that the longer I know them, the better they play becomes because of the added trust and security that is present. But in that time, I just don't see how you don't become friends?
I think that this couple looked to us as their Mentor couple. Maybe I did get attached and egotistical because of that. Maybe I am just disappointed because my idea for them was something bigger then was possible for them to achieve. Maybe we should just start collecting notches.
My gut says to not become friends with anyone we play with again. Seek out our pleasure and run at the first sign of 'friendship'. But, I still just don't think that is going to fit my wants out of the lifestyle.
I am also wondering if you guys think this happen because of their newness or inexperience with couples.
Fill me in on this chapter. I look to you for guidance.
