[intuition897]

Hi undecided. It sounds like you more or less have decided: that you would be willing to explore some new territory in your sex life with your husband as long as it doesn't cause damage to your relationship. Am I correct in my summation? One thing I would strongly suggest is for each of you to examine your own reasons for wanting to swing and share them with each other. This is absolutely a necessary step to overcoming jealousy and insecurity issues. A good rule of thumb (IMO) is if everyone is primarily looking out for their own interests (ie: mainly doing it because he or she wants to have sex with other people), the experience will likely not be successful. If however, you really want to do this because your partner's happiness makes you happy - and yeah, sure, wouldn't mind trying sex with other people while you're at it - you're starting from a very good place. I just mean that if you begrudge your partner their pleasure (and there are always people who are more physically attractive than we are!) it means you're missing out on the rich experience of watching your partner being absolutely him/herself, of watching as he or she experiences pleasure and gives pleasure to someone else. You just feel so in tune and so proud that you each 'belong' to one another (and I mean that in the most wonerful way possible). And you get to feel really good about yourself that you are selfless enough to grant him or her this kind of freedom.

My concern is where you say your husband is chomping at the bit to get on with it. You would do well to remind him exactly what he's playing with here. It could well end your relationship if you move ahead without being really ready for it. Is that what he wants? Is sex with someone else so much more important to him? Put your foot down girl! Don't let him manipulate you into doing something you are uncomfortable with. You'll just both be sorry for it down the road. You're doing both of you a favour by slowing him down. I'd also explain that his over-eagerness concerns you quite a bit because it tells you that he's doing this for the wrong reasons, and that he doesn't care as much for your feelings as you think he should. Now to be fair, if you've talked about this ad nauseum for years on end and you find it fun to tease him with it (I'm not getting this impression, but I'm playing Devil's Advocate, here), then maybe he's got a point: "Are we gonna seriously attempt the next step, or are we not?"

Another little red flag that went up: you said that sometimes your reaction was leaning more towards apathy, because you were so sick of the argument. Tell him "yeah, whatever, do what you like" often enough, and he just might. I'd say you both just need to concentrate on cutting through the headgames and usual BS that relationships are prone to and start treating each other like individual people, who deserve respect and common courtesy. So many couples fall into the bad habit of taking their relationship for granted. I think that's got to be the biggest killer of marriages. Whatever you do, don't not care. Just peel another layer off the onion and get closer instead of pulling away from him.