The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Let Wife's boss touch her while she was passed out

tribbles · 06-02-2005, 01:49 PM

Biblonde, you missed my point. No where did I say that what happened to me was right and nowhere did I say that what the OP did was right. They happened though. And I disagree that being molested = permanent damage. As a child how can one tell if a BATH given by a nurse or being touched by a stranger in a white coat is the molesting? If no physical pain is felt, how does a child tell the difference? I was more traumatized by them accidentally letting me see the surgeons’ tools. For me, at age 5, there just wasn’t a big imprint about being touched. I sure as heck don’t feel guilty for not feeling tarnished. I WAS 5. That was 42 years ago. Maybe I was lucky since I can’t tell that it caused any lasting emotional damage.

Also, in no place did I post that what the hubby did was ok. I never got the impression the guy came to this board to be beat up over what he knew was wrong. Does it help anyone to be told over and over that they are a jerk? I got the impression he wanted help in figuring out why he allowed it and what to do. The advice to tell the wife is good, no doubt this is something they will have to work through. But is it enough to cause irreparable damage to their relationship? Should it be? I see it as an opportunity for growth. He can learn more of who he is, and find ways to avoid behaving in a way that is wrong in the future. If he has no clue why he did it, what will he do next time? Will he know how to avoid a repeat of the behavior?

Everyone I know has at some point in life done stupid things that emotionally hurt someone else. The best way to grow from it (for me anyway) is to be able to figure out what the heck I was feeling/thinking at the time. And I encourage others to also. I'm also a big believer in forgiving others and myself for being a screwed up human on a planet on the far edge of the universe.

You want me to get into the real world biblonde? The world we are in is more like hell than heaven, imo. I do indeed view what is permanent damage, especially physical, as different from the line the OP crossed. Both the wife and hubby and boss are adults, able to use coping skills to learn and grow and get past the experience. No harm that can’t be coped with occurred unless they make it so. Permanent damage is Female Genital Mutilation and bombs that blow off body parts and…well…I hope you get the idea. And humans are amazing that even some of those who are damaged by FGM and bombs and other damage, find ways to cope and have lives that are full of moments of happiness.

Vespertine posted:
The scenerio the OP has conjured up does happen, and it serves as a reminder for us to remember to not get so inebriated that we're unable to protect ourselves, or our loved ones. Unless of course that type of thing turns you on. It is good to remember alcohol affects everyone even in small amounts.

Thanks to WildMiCouple for hearing what my meaning was.

06-02-2005, 01:49 PM	#48 (permalink)
tribbles Fun and Pleasure Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 871 Location: SouthWest Status: Couple	Re: What should I say? Biblonde, you missed my point. No where did I say that what happened to me was right and nowhere did I say that what the OP did was right. They happened though. And I disagree that being molested = permanent damage. As a child how can one tell if a BATH given by a nurse or being touched by a stranger in a white coat is the molesting? If no physical pain is felt, how does a child tell the difference? I was more traumatized by them accidentally letting me see the surgeons’ tools. For me, at age 5, there just wasn’t a big imprint about being touched. I sure as heck don’t feel guilty for not feeling tarnished. I WAS 5. That was 42 years ago. Maybe I was lucky since I can’t tell that it caused any lasting emotional damage. Also, in no place did I post that what the hubby did was ok. I never got the impression the guy came to this board to be beat up over what he knew was wrong. Does it help anyone to be told over and over that they are a jerk? I got the impression he wanted help in figuring out why he allowed it and what to do. The advice to tell the wife is good, no doubt this is something they will have to work through. But is it enough to cause irreparable damage to their relationship? Should it be? I see it as an opportunity for growth. He can learn more of who he is, and find ways to avoid behaving in a way that is wrong in the future. If he has no clue why he did it, what will he do next time? Will he know how to avoid a repeat of the behavior? Everyone I know has at some point in life done stupid things that emotionally hurt someone else. The best way to grow from it (for me anyway) is to be able to figure out what the heck I was feeling/thinking at the time. And I encourage others to also. I'm also a big believer in forgiving others and myself for being a screwed up human on a planet on the far edge of the universe. You want me to get into the real world biblonde? The world we are in is more like hell than heaven, imo. I do indeed view what is permanent damage, especially physical, as different from the line the OP crossed. Both the wife and hubby and boss are adults, able to use coping skills to learn and grow and get past the experience. No harm that can’t be coped with occurred unless they make it so. Permanent damage is Female Genital Mutilation and bombs that blow off body parts and…well…I hope you get the idea. And humans are amazing that even some of those who are damaged by FGM and bombs and other damage, find ways to cope and have lives that are full of moments of happiness. Vespertine posted: The scenerio the OP has conjured up does happen, and it serves as a reminder for us to remember to not get so inebriated that we're unable to protect ourselves, or our loved ones. Unless of course that type of thing turns you on. It is good to remember alcohol affects everyone even in small amounts. Thanks to WildMiCouple for hearing what my meaning was. __________________ Evel Knievel died of natural causes.