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Old 04-21-2005, 06:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
intuition897
Canadian, eh?
 
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,633
Location: Kingston, ON
Status: Couple
Swing Lifestyle Name:intuition897

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Default Re: Bringing up the idea of another male?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2much
2nd - the new pic of Mrs Naughty and the waterbottle wins pic of the year, hands down. Awesome. Mr is a lucky man.
Dito !!!!! LOL, I love the new avatar Mrs. Naughty! If you EVER hear back from your waterboy, you must let us know.


I'd like to take a different approach here. If you'd like to experience these things with another man, put your fantasies temporarily on the back burner because you know what? He's going to have fantasies of his own. Try to think of things that you would like to see him do or have done to HIM that turn you on. I really believe that if you approach swinging as a gift that you give to your partner (as opposed to something you ask for for yourself), you will likely be more successful. Why? Because he will be affected by the genuineness of your love and concern for him. He will want to reciprocate. This is where you would approach him with your own fantasies. I mean really, how would you feel if he, out of the blue, asked you if it was ok that he had sex with another woman? And in contrast, how would you feel if he told you that he wanted to see your every fantasy fulfilled...even if it meant sharing you? He could very well be harbouring his own fantasies of sex with another woman and be supressing them because he doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe he has fantasies about seeing you with another man, too, but thinks you would never go for it (you mentioned you're both pretty conservative, right?).

In the end, whichever approach you take (asking or giving), it all comes down to slapping your whole bad self onto the table and saying, "This is all of me, good and bad. These are the things I think about. These are my uglies. Please don't stop loving me for it." You throw yourself on the mercy of the court so to speak. If he has an ounce of compassion, he won't condemn you for your honesty. This is like playing Truth or Dare - Fear Factor style! You dare one another to tell the whole truth - no holds barred. You dare one another to do things that are unthinkable. And it's just as scary for the darer; You say, "I want the truth!" Well...can you handle the truth? Sometimes your spouse will admit things that maybe you don't want to hear. I'm just saying if you want to be completely honest with him, it's only fair that you try and get used to the idea that he is his own person, too, and that his sexuality does not require you exclusively to be whole and complete. He can have sex with other women; he simply chooses not to because he believes this is what you require of him as a condition of your staying with him.

Wow, here I go playing Freud again. Sorry if I'm way off base in making assumptions; I don't even know you guys!
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