Buck,
I think there are many ways to bring out the goddess in our women.
First and foremost is for every man to truly and deeply realize just how wonderful our partners are. Understand it and then live it. Remember to use compliments, attention, kisses for no reason, staying right next to them all night at a "vanilla" party to show your love and admiration. Don't miss an opportunity to show your wife/partner that you love them, that you need them, that you lust after them.
For many men, this means turning down the old ego a bit and not being so selfish. (don't spam me, its just my opinion) Men need to understand how great life can be as partners. We do not loose face by being caring and deeply loving human beings. If you don't believe me, just do it for yourself, in my humble experience women will positively react to loving attention, it a win win.
Personally, we moved into swinging over a year or so, I did as I say above and then enjoyed the results. Then I set up opportunities for her to begin a conversation with other men that was very safe. We started with phone sex, and it worked. Receiving attention from not only me, but a total stranger got her very excited. The phone also allowed her to be in total control (we called him, we blocked our number, we never gave out last name etc) Then she began to wonder about the possibilities on her own.
Bottomline, I was a catalyst. I led her to the water and then she began to drink on her own. We took it at her pace etc. Many many others have spoken about the rest. Communication, slow pace, etc.
The books are a great idea Ms. SB, I also think reading erotica together can help to stimulate the imagination.
Finally, if she is self conscious about her appearance. Look through the Swing Lifestyle ads with pics to get an idea of the range of body types or take a peak at
www.voyeurweb.com (this is a site where people post pics of themselves in various stages of undress or more) to get a better idea of the sexyness of all women.
Good luck
S