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twoplayful2 · 03-16-2005, 12:58 PM

Adventureus,

I think all were at fault, some more than others, but all enough that nobody should be singled out. I agree with much of what RND says but I do think that your husband did make some mistakes here for sure. But nothing that bad, just a little bad form on top of some poor communication. I also think that you might have been testing your husband a little bit with letting the other women stay over, letting yourself fall asleep without being in the middle or it or letting them know in some way that it's not okay for them to play without you. I think after the 4-hour phone calls you had some feelings and wanted to test them out. I think you got what you felt was confirmation of your feelings and you got pissed off about it. But I do not think that the confirmation was necessarily valid. Just because he's enjoying the attention a little too much doesn't mean he's falling for her. Just because he has slower, more sensual, passionate sex with her doesn't mean they were "making love". It was probably just something different for him.

I also agree with whoever said that the you are pushing him away by the way you're currently acting. This isn't to say you're not justified in feeling or acting this way, it's just to say that it's not going to get you the best results.

Though I know it's very difficult because of some understandably strong feelings and emotions, I think the solution is pretty simple. You need to forget about blaming him and let him know that. You need to both agree that it was just a situation that went the wrong way (if it's wrong for one, it's wrong for both). It doesn't matter that he's not accepting full blame for this, as long as he now understands your feelings and is totally accepting what you two do from here.

As for this couple, IMO it should just be cut off regardless of who was at fault. 4-hour conversations are going to be too difficult to just turn off. Stuff that's happened and feelings that remain are just going to make things too complicated, and that's not what the "lifestyle" should be all about. You need to just move on and put it all behind you.

And this "I'm the asshole" stuff should be stopped. It's an angry response, and if you're using it with him then it needs to stop.

03-16-2005, 12:58 PM	#35 (permalink)
twoplayful2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 218 Location: Riverside, CA Status: couple SLS Name:twoplayful2	Re: Something's Not Right Adventureus, I think all were at fault, some more than others, but all enough that nobody should be singled out. I agree with much of what RND says but I do think that your husband did make some mistakes here for sure. But nothing that bad, just a little bad form on top of some poor communication. I also think that you might have been testing your husband a little bit with letting the other women stay over, letting yourself fall asleep without being in the middle or it or letting them know in some way that it's not okay for them to play without you. I think after the 4-hour phone calls you had some feelings and wanted to test them out. I think you got what you felt was confirmation of your feelings and you got pissed off about it. But I do not think that the confirmation was necessarily valid. Just because he's enjoying the attention a little too much doesn't mean he's falling for her. Just because he has slower, more sensual, passionate sex with her doesn't mean they were "making love". It was probably just something different for him. I also agree with whoever said that the you are pushing him away by the way you're currently acting. This isn't to say you're not justified in feeling or acting this way, it's just to say that it's not going to get you the best results. Though I know it's very difficult because of some understandably strong feelings and emotions, I think the solution is pretty simple. You need to forget about blaming him and let him know that. You need to both agree that it was just a situation that went the wrong way (if it's wrong for one, it's wrong for both). It doesn't matter that he's not accepting full blame for this, as long as he now understands your feelings and is totally accepting what you two do from here. As for this couple, IMO it should just be cut off regardless of who was at fault. 4-hour conversations are going to be too difficult to just turn off. Stuff that's happened and feelings that remain are just going to make things too complicated, and that's not what the "lifestyle" should be all about. You need to just move on and put it all behind you. And this "I'm the asshole" stuff should be stopped. It's an angry response, and if you're using it with him then it needs to stop.