[RNDNV]

Dear Adventureus, at the end of the day, what comes through loud and clear as the biggest issue you are dealing with is your own insecurity. Many couples (not all, but many) get to a point in their swinging life where they are comfortable with seperate room play, even with relative strangers. I am not saying that is for you and yours, but there is certainly room to grow for you guys, and I agree with most others that most of that growth needs to be in the area of your guy's communication. My main point is that you and your hubby may be in different places, comfort wise, with the Lifestyle, and it sounds like you need a sit down to define who's "pace of play" is the slower/more sensitive one, and agree to go at that person's pace (it sounds like yours, and if so, it is okay to say "hey I need this in order for this swinging thing to continue to happen").

Unlike what others are picking up from my prior posts, I am not here to bag on you, but to support you in being more than you currently see yourself. Beating yourself up is NOT productive. Really examining what happened, how it happened and came about, and learning from it so that you can move on IS the productive thing you should do. In otherwords, don't use this event to give you an excuse to beat up on yourself (unless you really want to in order to support some low self-concept you are subconsciously carrying around about yourself), that is not going to get you anything, and like someone else said, it may have the effect of driving your hubby away.

My last point is to emphazise a position counter to what most everyone else is saying, and that is, I still am not convinced that your husband has done anything wrong here. That said, I want you to be clear that I don't thing you have done anything wrong either. Both of you made some choices, and the result of those choices now have given you "stuff" to work on. But the whole blame game (who is wrong, who is right) isn't going to get either of you anywhere. Just look at what happened (together), and sit down and have a non-accusatory conversation about what worked, and what didn't (for both of you) and recommit to making your next journey down the swing path a better one because of what you learned from this event.