OKay...let's see what we can do to help you two out
First of all RELAX...I know, easier said than done, especially when exploring a new situation.
To get the evening started I would suggest a nice dinner and maybe a couple of drinks. Not to many as you want to be able to enjoy and remember the evening. Once you get to the room, have your wife change into something sexy, sit on the bed and chat for a while getting comfortable with each other and if necessary going over any rules that you two have and asking him if there is anything that is off limits to him. Communication is very important when it comes to making sure everyone has a good time.
For your lighting, I would leave at least one bedside lamp on. I personally am not much into bright lights, but I do want a little light so I can see and be seen. I also like a little back ground music...nothing to loud but just something to listen to, either a music channel on the t.v. or the radio going.
Getting the action going is a little tougher, so I will just tell you how we usually do it. The other man and I will usually lay on the bed and start touching and feeling, sometimes the man is still totally dressed and sometimes not. Ted will either sit on the side of the bed and/or lay down with me in the middle of both men. I usually start by unwrapping the other man, by slowing taking his clothes off and just enjoying myself as I go. Ted will either watch or will rub and touch me while I do this. There is nothing that says you have to totally watch , it's your wife, you should be able to touch her anytime you want. When Ted is just watching and he is ready to join in, he just joins...either by pulling me up for a kiss or by placing one of his body parts close enough for me to start kissing him. If your watching and can't see exactly what you want to be able to see, then get up and move to a spot where you have a better view.
Definitely have plenty of condoms on hand. As mentioned the flavored ones work really good for oral if you insist on condoms for oral. There are numerous positions that three people can get into, use your imagination. Porn movies are good for ideas as well as reading over some of the stories here on the board for ideas.
There should be no reason why your wife should feel like a slut...Goddess maybe
, but never slut (ok, sometimes it's good to feel that way too, but only if she wants to
)...as long as she is being treated right and enjoying what is going on she should feel great afterwards.
Don't over plan, just let things progress naturally.
Hope that helps and good luck ! Please come back after your playdate and let us know how it went.
Teresa