Thank you all for your input and support. It has been extremely helpful for Mr. to hear from other ladies that they have the same issue I do with being unable to verbalize. A few things to add though, we did the original thread together, so they were our words, not just one. Also from Julie's reply, he does discuss things in and out of the bedroom. After writing in, reading replys and giving more thought to it, I think he's wanting, in a fun playful way, to get me to give him ideas about what type of things I would want to happen, so that if he suggests something when we're in the moment I don't have a negative response or that I don't feel pressured to do it because he asked. I see that now. I just freeze up when it comes to verbally drawing a picture of the senario. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with that difficulty.
The other thing is from RND's reply- yes, I truly can not handle the idea of him being pleasured by another woman.
I've said it point blank on several occasions, which led to the establishment of the boundary that he is off limits. As he stated, that wasn't his fantasy anyway and he's ok with it.
I am the one who is guilty of over-analyzing. His attitude has always been more in the monment, like the time he pulled off my bathing suit and had me in his friends hot tub when the friend just went to get a beer. He thought he would come back and find us and join in. The friend was gone too long and it didn't happen, but it was totally spontaneous, and it excited us talking about afterword. I think I overwhelmed him when we first started talking about it with all of my thoughts and concerns about "what ifs?", which dwelled on the negative aspects and how to resolve them. It turned into a good thing for us and it led to where we are today.
It is so helpful to see our own thoughts written down and while writing them are forced to find the words to describe what you are feeling. All of you seem to be so aware of these problems, it really helps us to hear your thoughts. Thanks again to you all for taking the time to respond. You were very helpful. If you have anymore thoughts, please share.
Mr. here. In reading your answers I was impressed with how well thought out your responses were. We really appreciate your taking the time to help us. Baby wrote the first part of this response while I was at the store, and after reading what she wrote I think we have it solved. You guys are right, I do live some in my head and do want to have some "control" over the situation, sorry, "conditioning." I need to get over that b/c as many of you said, this is not a scripted play and disappointment will follow if I try to be ahead of the curve on all things. I can relax now, knowing that many have gone through the same thing, and that it is not such a big issue. Since we first wrote we both feel better about things now.
Out of all this we've decided that with friends like you out there... who needs therapy!!
