Well here goes. Let me first offer apologies to anyone I offended it was not my intent when I posted to do that. I believe that this board is about sharing open communication and opinions with information to others that want it. But keep in mind that many will disagree with an opinion, and I figured that to be the case when I posted. I am ok with different opinions but I did not want to offend. Peronally, I want people to be honest with me cause you would have to pack a lunch and dinner if you ever wanted to offend me. I just dont like going there.
findtime; I have seen your posts and you have never offended me and I truly apologize that I did you but it is not going to change what I said. Maybe I can clarify so its not so offensive.
I understand that what I posted could come across in a manner that we dont care about others, and that what they are doing is not fun. That is not what I meant to imply. I simply wanted to portray that when we over analyze a comment in a conversation or in a chat the alarms that go off are not always justified. If we are looking with a magnifying glass then we may miss out on ever having an experience wth any couple. I agree that she needs to have the couple respect her boundaries but how is she ever going to know if that is possible with out giving the meeting a chance. As far as the closer examination is concerned, I would fail anyone's closest scrutiny just as I suspect many others would mine. But that level of examination is not always required when looking for couples to swing with. I don't believe that to be careless, I believe it to being polite and respectful of others private lives. We have levels of expectations and they have to be met before we swing but we usually can get past a comment to verify that it is their intent or if it was a comedic interlude.
Let me help everyone with my definition of Swinging so that you may understand my comments about putting the "fun back in Swinging" This alone may clear up much of what I seemed to offend with, in my original post.
OUR DEFINITION: The process of swinging is to meet people to build relationships to the place of feeling comfortable enough to exchange partners in a sexual environment.
With that being said I need to state that everyones sexual environment may be different. Just as I suspect that many of you will differ with me about my basic definition.
But since that is our definition then that is why we say that we believe that many have forgotten what swinging is all about. Its about Sex. Yes the friendships are great and the relationships that can be developed are unique. But the truth be known I really don't care to have sex with some of my closest friends nor them with us I suspect. It's not that kind of relationship. So why is a percentage of people we have met in the lifestyle and online saying its all about the friendships, the bbq's in the backyard, and the mixing of families together. I have people that I do that with already and while I am not opposed to doing that with those that we swing with. It is not my motive when I meet someone online or in person to talk about swinging with. We have found that it is what people want to hear. Again I am speaking in very general terms. It is just hard for us to understand in an environment that is about sex why people have such a hard time admitting that they are looking for sex.
"But we read several couples on here that we wonder if they have forgot what swinging is"
Yes I said this and it was about the fact that we think swinging is about sex, and I really wonder what others think it is about if not sex. Although that may be a subject for another thread. We think that because of what I said earlier.
"Your post implies that other's relationships are somehow less trusting or loving because they have rules, or that they are missing the boat because their perception of swinging doesn't mesh with yours.
Swinging is done for the pleasure of the couple. Whatever that means to each. I resent the implication that, because one has comfort zones, they are somehow ruining everyone else's fun.
I think that's a crappy message to send to newbies."
findtime; if I implied that your values and "rules" are not important you might have misread what I wrote. Notice that I said our rules is to follow their rules. How does that imply that since they have rules they do not know what swinging is about or that it is not important to us. We truly respect and honor anyones rules. But what we have seen is the constant relaxing of the rules when in the heat of the moment and the position I'm taking is that people are realizing that their own rules take away from their own fun. If a couple can keep their rules and have fun more power to them. We think that is great. We do not think less of them or not want to play with them less because of it. But keeping with the original post she was concerned that since the man couldn't seem to keep their boundaries he wouldnt keep theirs. Unless she talks with them and defines it, how is she ever going to find out. You said the same thing I did that it is about the pleasure of the couple. Its great that you said that!!!!! I agree 100%. I simply said that for us it comes easier when we decide that it is ok to pleasure ourselves or allow ourselves to be pleasured by whatever we want without any prerequisites by ourselves for each other. If they were needed we would have them.
As far as the message Im sending to newbies,
Let me not beat around the bush, because my first message apparently left much to be read in. I am saying be careful not to read into everything you see and hear about swinging. It is about SEX all the other stuff that people do to get there is fine if that's what it takes for them. No DISRESPECT FOR IT WHATSOEVER!!!!!! But if you think for a second that when you decide to get naked with another couple in a sexual environment, that because you may be friends or have a great relationship outside of there, that it does not have any risk you will be sorely diasappointed. When you swing you are taking your marriage and putting it out there to exposure to others. Hopefully it will be for you what it has been for us, FUN!!!!!!!
Last but not least
dreamer; of course I am not offended thank you for your concern. you said
"The only boundary is what is fun? I know you must be informed about how your life can be ruined by stds. Mabey I'm just to informed, and ignorance is truly bliss. How do you get to that point? Again please don't take offense. I'm just trying to understand."
My reply to that is we have done research and are very informed. (Without getting into another subject for another thread)
Matter of factly that is why we can be relaxed about the use of condoms. First of all we do use condoms, but it is not a rule it is a choice. If one of us want to go without in the middle of an encounter without breaking the other couples rules then we can, without "Asking Permission " or "violating a trust" Second of all contrary to what the popular opinion about std's are from the vast majority of information put out by the CDC (Center for Disease Control) they are not prevented from the use of condoms. Every page I have read on any of their websites and their flyers concerning Stds (Of which I have read many) say that condoms help to reduce the "spread of infectious diseases" but the asterisk at the bottom of the page always says they will not prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. There is more info but this is not the thread for them.
I go back to what I said earlier. when you swing you are at risk. What price are you willing to put on your fun!!!!! Swinging is a form of fun that can be costly at many levels. Some at an emotional level that has cost families their lives marriages and children. If anything this is the message I would put out there. Make your decisionss based on the amount of risk you are willing to take for the amount of fun you want to have.
Again thanks for letting me vent