The Swingers Board - View Single Post - If he won't stay within their boundaries what makes us think he will stay within ours

lizandtom · 01-06-2005, 04:46 PM

This goes back to Julies saying that you go at the pace of the slowest in the group. Since you two are new, the boundaries were probably made PRIMARILY by the more conservative of you two. That said, you have told the other couple of your boundaries, period. If they still wish to hook up, first the wife with you for lunch, then don't fret about it. What the other couple does as far as respecting their own limits, in my view, has nothing to do with how much they respect yours. Obviously she, from the other couple, is still with her husband so she doesn't mind her spouse stepping over the line, and that's fine as long as they're both comfortable. It doesn't mean they won't respect yours, because they don't know your comfort level yet, and you'd be putting the cart B4 the horse to assume their disrespect at this point.

When we first started my wife was the slower of the two, and it was only supposed to be g-g with husbands watching, her boundaries to which I agreed. At our first attending of an off-premises club, she was petting and fondling with 3 girls and 2 guys, and since then we're up to soft swap. Now we just consider full swap, same room the next natural progression, and all of this within a 3 month period.

My advice? Look forward to meeting this woman for lunch, get to know her, meet her husband even if for no more than dinner or drinks, and get a sense for their respect for both of you, and most of all, don't worry yourself about it. You can say NO at any time to anything, no explanation's owed. Tom.

01-06-2005, 04:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
lizandtom Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 287 Location: Long Island, NY Status: Couple	Re: Cold Feet, or Alarms This goes back to Julies saying that you go at the pace of the slowest in the group. Since you two are new, the boundaries were probably made PRIMARILY by the more conservative of you two. That said, you have told the other couple of your boundaries, period. If they still wish to hook up, first the wife with you for lunch, then don't fret about it. What the other couple does as far as respecting their own limits, in my view, has nothing to do with how much they respect yours. Obviously she, from the other couple, is still with her husband so she doesn't mind her spouse stepping over the line, and that's fine as long as they're both comfortable. It doesn't mean they won't respect yours, because they don't know your comfort level yet, and you'd be putting the cart B4 the horse to assume their disrespect at this point. When we first started my wife was the slower of the two, and it was only supposed to be g-g with husbands watching, her boundaries to which I agreed. At our first attending of an off-premises club, she was petting and fondling with 3 girls and 2 guys, and since then we're up to soft swap. Now we just consider full swap, same room the next natural progression, and all of this within a 3 month period. My advice? Look forward to meeting this woman for lunch, get to know her, meet her husband even if for no more than dinner or drinks, and get a sense for their respect for both of you, and most of all, don't worry yourself about it. You can say NO at any time to anything, no explanation's owed. Tom.