Hi Mogambo,
Slutty Wife here. I have some experience in this area and my best advice to you is to keep on talking. :rollseyes I agree with others here that your wife
is getting something out of her monthly GB parties as well.
We might as well face it that gangbangs are about pleasuring the insatiable and all the "normal" etiquette in swinging truly does not apply. Part of the appeal of gangbangs IMHO is in the letting go and being sexually taken to some wild and crazy places. That's what's so titillating and about it, hubby!
I personally LOVE and really get off on this sort of play...but like Julie said it really isn't swinging.
Maybe the best way to handle this is to arrange your own little gangbang
where you have more say about the quality of participants? Perhaps you could help put together a guest list of couples into swinging/threesomes and gangbangs so each of you could have more of what you seek?
Yours, ;-*
Slutty Wife