[Mogambo]

Thanks for your reply. I am not so much against her participation in gangbang but some how I had a mindset that woman’s desire for a repeated gang bang is an indication of some thing wrong with her. Because of this preconceived notion I handled this situation inappropriately. This is going on for approx. three years as far as I remember. After about one year of her participation I thought she is addicted and she needs treatment. I talked with one therapist and he confirmed that my wife is addicted and needs treatment. I talked with my wife about treatment and she was furious. Then I happened to discover this forum and wrote my situation and asked for forum member’s opinion about this. At that time Julie and few others gave very good suggestions. Julie provided me the link which revealed me that there are woman out there though minority who have this fantasy so I realised that my wife is not weirdo if she desires gangbang but her blunt refusal to seek therapist made me think that she is addicted and needs treatment. One advice that I like in my previous post was to talk to her openly and understand her needs & her point of view so that I can understand why she is doing the way she is doing. So I opened up the topic after I read responses for my earlier post.

“Why you are refusing to meet therapist?”
“Because I am sure I don’t need that treatment. You know in our society swinging is not considered as an alternative sexual life style so no matter what you say you will be branded that you need treatment. If you want to taste then ask your therapist whether threesome is normal in their view because threesome is normal activity for you.”
“ Look you can’t paint all therapist with one brush. We don’t have experience about this so we can’t make such generalisation.”
“ If we both decides to resolve this issue then we can discuss and work out the solution and for that we don’t need any therapist and if we can’t agree on some issue then no therapist in the world is going to make us agree on something that you or me don’t want to. So please don’t give me that bullshit again. We need to improve our rational thinking & understanding by empathising each others views. Can you tell me what is your actual problem?”
“ My actual problem is that I am not comfortable when I hear some one call you slut or drag you, kiss you, fondle your breast with haste. I know that they are doing it because they know that you are available for them but total lack of etiquettes makes me uncomfortable.”
“You expect that these blocks should treat me like delicate glass then I will tell you I am fade up with etiquettes and formal behaviour in swinging. That takes away my most of the pleasure because I concentrate on what I should talk, what I should do & should not. Am I pleasing everyone or not. These blocks are direct. Why they need my permission to kiss, cuddle or fondle my breast when they know why I am there for?”
“Ok. Could you tell me what is so special in gang bang that liked you very much?”
“I liked the intensity of lust I see in their eyes, the impatience to get me in bed, their begging for more sex, their try to impress me in bed. Every single male pays undivided attention to me. Nothing happens of this sort in couple to couple interaction because if male pays more attention to me then it will not be viewed favourably by his wife so swinging is more like formal process and hence boring to me. Whereas in gang bang when the group undress me I enjoy when they are mesmerised by my nude beauty. When I see that all eyes are locked to my nude beauty, when I sense their deep breathing, when I see their delayed eyelid flashing, it intoxicates me. The group try to compete with each other to get my attention. At one occasion one male took measurement of my vagina, inner lips, outer lips everything and compared with perceived good looking vagina as per vagina institute and told every one that my vagina stand out from others. I know it looks childish but it is pampering that I like. If I talk dirty the group enjoys it. I don’t feel any pressure about being tactful or diplomatic.”
“Well. Even if I agree that you enjoy all this but fact remains that why your interest is sustained for a long period of time because after the novelty is worn off then it becomes monotonous & looses its charm. Gang bang can’t be an exception to this general phenomenon”
“Gang bang are not monotonous because every gang bang is unique in some way. In one Gb party, after i was undressed they apply chocolate from breast to my legs and every one licked my body. Some one comes with some innovative sex game and i enjoy it. But in general swinging life style has short life but I take conscious effort to make it interesting because it pays me in terms of extreme pleasure I get out of it.
“Don’t you think things can go out of control?”
“I now make home work, do lot of planning and execute gang bang as per my terms. I screen candidates, see their photos, learn their real or nick names whatever they declare before we meet in Gang bang. Introduce myself confidently to the group. Call them by their names. It makes lot of difference. Tell them what is expected by me and ask what they want from this gang bang. Take everyone in confidence. There are always one or two stupid people in gang bang. Ask other members what they think and they will ridicules them and it takes your pressure off to defend yourself. Ignore stupid fellow. Express with body language and they fall in line. If I don’t want to offer sex to the idiot then I distract him by talking with him or showing over active in sex. Some block expect you as submitting female in bed but female aggressiveness puts them off or they loose their confidence as a result loose their erection because of performance anxiety intentionally created. If I like the guy and if he can’t maintain erection because of anxiety then I relax him and give blow job and when he regains erection then I took initiative and see that he succeeds. There are many block who can’t perform first time. So I have learnt the tricks of the trade hence I know how to control the mob. I can give you the anomaly of the teacher. How teacher controls the class? Same thing applies here as well. So don’t worry about situations going out of hand . No way.”
“ Well I can’t win you in argument as usual but I still think that the best way to know whether we are addicted or not is to skip swinging for some period and see whether you get that withdrawal symptom for gang bang. Or else let us define the rules and boundaries for our swinging”
“ Well to be honest with you I will suffer from withdrawal symptoms. It will be indeed painful for me to leave gang bang. Let me tell you, I never get orgasm while intercourse. You give me orgasm by licking my clitoris or by vibrator but not in intercourse. That does not mean I don’t enjoy with you. Same thing happened with other type of swinging but in gang bang because I am totally relaxed and enjoy the environment I get multiple orgasm when two boobs are being sucked by two people, one person busy in kissing and one is shagging me. I did not get this multiple orgasm in first couple of gang bang encounters but when I gained total control in gang bang then I have been getting so many multiple orgasm that i just can’t explain. I know how much I missed by not going for gang bang earlier than I started. but if that is what you are after then I will prefer to quit swinging but will not accept any rules and regulations. We are swinging for more than decades and it is going fine and now why suddenly we need rules? The need of framing rules says that some thing is not right now so better leave this swinging altogether because saving our marriage is first priority. Bottom line is trust and understanding.”
“ look we should not be slave to our habits so at least let us take a break for a while.”
“OK” she agreed and then we took break for six months. After that I realised that she proved what she meant. After six months I asked her if she still has desire for gang bang . She said yes. I then allowed her to participate in gang bang with the assumption that she will loose interest within year or two but my assumptions went wrong. She is still very much interested in continuing in her sex romp. I have not lost any respect for her gang bang but some how I feel like she should leave swinging. But from your opinion it seems that I should better leave it to her. I think i have become selfish in the process & creating hurdles in the pleasure of poor lady who has done so much sacrifice for my family.