Hello everyone
I apologize ahead of time for this post being as long as I know it is going to be. But I need you guys' help so anything you can offer I would SOOO appreciate!
My husband is the most awesome wonderful lover. We have had a good marriage (14 years). I am very bi, and it is because of me that we have gotten into swinging.
Ten years ago we had four terrible experiences on our first try at this, so we stopped. He was also having a hard time with it because of several issues, including a) his strict upbringing which affected how he was taught to view sex b) feeling left out, because he is not aggressive (though he doesn't sit in the corner either); and c) jealousy issues. In each of the four situations, he could not get, or maintain an erection. Because it didn't work, I did my damndest to push my feelings/attractions towards women out of my head. I did so good I thought I was "cured".
I do want to add this... Hubby has long said he is completely happy with me and has no interest in other women (he wouldn't even look at them!). Unlike many guys I have known, enticing him with the idea of watching two women or being with another woman, well was just not enticing to him. He was more than happy with just us.
Flash forward... as I posted here about a month or so ago, a we-got-too-drunk-and-ended-up-in-the-hottub situation with some really good friends happened in October. He thought he would be ok, but when we got home he was really hurt by how it all evolved. This time he was REALLY left out, though I tried to be as attentive to him as I could with all the stuff going on. And again, he could not get an erection. Unfortunately for me, my bisexuality came back full force, and I was in my own jam with my feelings. So, after talking about it and me telling him about how I view this as "play" and not the same as the two of us... he agreed to rethink things, and I agreed to wait patiently.
Two weeks ago, while casually discussing all this I showed him the Swing Lifestyle site. I had to leave the room, and when I came back to my surprise he had signed us up for a membership. Not only that, he browsed through the ads a good 3 hours, and encouraged me to contact some of the couples. Well we had a good long talk then and he said that he had somehow gotten the idea out of his head about this being a "bad" thing, ie his growing up.. .and that he was now definitely interested in being with another woman. We found a great couple, (we are wanting a long term thing) and things just seemed to click from the start... long phone conversations, meeting for a quick dinner just to see each other, and then our first "date" last night. Over the past week of this evolving he has been more interested, and we have had hotter sex, than ever before. I was really gearing up too.. as she is quite a special person, and very sexy to me on many levels. He was definitely attracted to her as well, and felt comfortable with her husband.
So... last night we go out to dinner... then decide ok this is the night and head to the hotel. We drink, watch a little tv, light candles, and are all getting along well. Then she and I started... o wow... then the guys got into bed with us... He was definitely interested, and comfortable enough to be more assertive... but.. no erection. About two hours in I remembered I had some levitra in my purse and he took that. About 30 minutes later I think it helped and he was able to get going somewhat.. but even with that, once she and hubby took a break it was all over again.
So... we left last night on two different planes... me so very content and just overall excited about the whole thing... and he embarassed, again feeling left out (not because of them, but because of not being able to participate more)... and with feeling left out a little jealousy. The jealousy part was more about my total enjoyment, and he getting just about nothing from the whole experience... as well as feeling like the other two were really doing a lot for me, and he couldn't do much of anything for anyone.
So.... Now what do we do? We cannot afford levitra on a regular basis (and I am not sure as to how well it really worked anyway)... and he really does seem to want this to work this time, for him and for me. Not to mention the whole bisexual side which if I have to put away again I feel like is just going to kill me. I don't want to be selfish in this.. just don't know what to do on that end. I know if he could just get that awesome erection of his going, he would be fine (he really does like her). And, this couple really seems to be so wonderful... such great people and friends to be I think. It's like this is so much here to lose over a small problem of mechanics ...
Help??? Guys... happened to you? What do you do? What can the other couple and I do to make this work for him?
Thanks for any input...