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Originally Posted by Bigun Well, we did our first full swap last night.
And I'm having mixed feelings.
It was fun and all, but I feel as if a little part of me was taken away. My wife had never been with another guy till last night, and I had never been with another woman since we've been together. So I've been dealing with a little bit of guilt, but guilt of what I'm still not sure of. Does anyone know where I'm coming from? |
Guilt is an amazing thing. Nothing else can make us feel bad for having fun. Some possible reasons:
1. You had sex with someone other than your wife. You're SUPPOSED to feel guilty, according to "polite society."
2. Your wife had sex with someone else. You're SUPPOSED to be pissed off by that, according to polite society, and the fact that you're not makes you feel like something's wrong with you.
3. You both have gone against the demands of "Polite society" which requires exclusivity between a husband and wife.
4. You had fun. Life is serious business. According to "polite society," you're not supposed to have fun. Especially when it comes to S-E-X.
Notice I'm emphasizing what "polite society" expects. When that differs from what our own private expectations are, guilt usually ensues. When I first got into the lifestyle, my biggest guilt problem was #2. I felt like I was supposed to feel like a sleazebag, but all I could think about was, "when can we do it again?" I finally got over it when I figured out it wasn't "polite society's" business what I do in my private life. It might sound like "if it feels good do it" morality, which again, "polite society" frowns upon. I prefer to think of it as, "Don't let anyone else decide for me what I can like and enjoy. I'm a grownup and I can decide for myself how to live my life."
As far as the matter of your wife's being only with you until last night, that is in fact a rare achievement. But since you planned and discussed this beforehand, I'm presuming you both thought about what this would mean. Your record of exclusivity was apparently something that was worth sacrificing for the sake of what? Satisfying curiosity? Injecting a little excitement into your sex life together? Enjoying the chance to be "bad?" (Everybody likes doing that, just a little bit. Crossing against the light, stealing office supplies, swapping spouses). What did you GAIN by swinging?
One thing I gained was a sense of confidence that my wife and I have a strong enough relationship to do this sort of thing and still be together.
I'd say talk to your wife and share some of these guilt feelings. before you can address them you need to figure out exactly what's causing them. It might be something as simple as letting "polite society" down. Well, to hell with that.