[Hellboy]

Excellent advice all around. Its really common sense to me examining questions posed by others, but I have a hard time practicing what I preach. I am a little bit excited. It is her upbringing, for she is a preacher's daughter and the only two confirmed incidents of her parents actually having sex are at the conception of her and her brother. Her desire and drive crave experimentation and exploration. But her inhibitions hold her back. I and I am quickly learning that it makes her uncomfortable to discuss those things because it brings out the conflict. I am getting extreme mixed emotions and its frustrating the shit out of me. But we are alot closer than we have ever been. I get scared by words like 'never', though and maybe I shouldn't. Perhaps I should just accept that she feels that way in the moment. I think it also has to do with a bad experience in college where she was dating a member of a fraternity and thought she was in love and he wanted to share her around the fraternity. That really turned her off and opened up some issues with commitment. Not that she can't trust me, but that I am HERS and no one else's. Not in an overly possesive way, but she wants to give that back in return. By me setting that aside and telling her its okay throws her for a loop, I think.

On a positive note, we were discussing options for celebrating our anniversary and I mentioned we could go to Austin where we went alot in college and know lots of bars and she suggested a well known strip club by name as a possibility. Out of the blue. So that's good. She's still on board for that. With Thanksgiving and running around all day and the incident that happened here last night (ummm.....problem with the livestock) she has not had the time to talk about the letter I wrote. Maybe tomorrow. But I will not push.