The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Changing the "Rules" or more Broken Agreements

masscpl469 · 11-23-2004, 12:59 PM

Hi. Male 1/2 of a couple here.

A little bit of background(sorry for the length):
I always enjoyed watching 3somes, etc in adult films especially MFM, and my wife and I did a lot of "pillow talk" for many years. She always resisted going out and actually acting on our fantasies. About 5 years ago, we took the plunge and met someone we chatted with online. He was also married but was allowed to play alone. After meeting in a bar, we ended up in a hotel room and had a good time. We met him again a few weeks later. I started to suggest bi-activities to my wife (her and another woman). She ended up going out with the the new friend and his wife while I stayed at home. The reason is that my wife was not comfortable at all with me being in the same room as another woman, let alone "with" another woman. She always made that clear. I enjoyed the idea of her being with a couple and coming home to give me the details. We met other couples socially and she would end up in the bedroom with them, but without methe ever elusive bi-female that couples are looking for!). One night I surprised her and had the original couple show up at our house. I told them they should go downstairs and have fun and I was glad just to listen in. My wife siad I should come into the room and watch. I hesitated, but after hearing all the moans, I entered the room. It was great watching all the action, and then my wife wanted me to join in - with her only. I hesitated, but eventually obliged, and I thought we had a great time

.

We had several other MFM's with just the husband, but for various reasons stopped playing. After several years, we decided to get back into the scene. We met another guy though the internet who arranged gangbangs. We initially met him and had a MFM. This was followed by a couple more encounters. My wife started to ask for some initial 'alone time' with him and then I would join in.

I then set up a 3-on-1 (me plus 2 guys), although she indicated she was nervous about it. I went ahead with the plans and she had her 1st (mini) GB. She said I shouldn't have set this up, but that she did have a good time. Over the next 6 months or so, we would party about every 5 or 6 weeks. Once was with a couple plus 3 guys (I was not there, because she still felt uncomfortable about me being around another woman). All the other times was with me and other guys, usually a total of 3 or 4 guys. She would usually ask for some time with the guys alone to relax and loosen up, and then I would join the party. It was great seeing her enjoying herself with other men - a real turn-on for me, as well as joining in (I'm not just a "watcher").

She would occasionally mention to me that she would like to share me with another woman, but only orally. Kind of a soft swing thing. She is mildly bi, and I told her I could think of a lot of different positions either with another woman, or a couple, which was also discusssed. She felt that the other woman would need a man there to satisfy her, because she wasn't getting near me (except oral). Because I knew she didn't feel comfortable with this, I never really pushed for it, and decided to let it take it's course - and I would be one happy man if it ever transpired.

We continued the mini GBs and she even had another party with another couple plus 3 guys. But after a couple of 'bad' parties, we started thinking about our options. About this time, we met another man online. We ended up meeting him at a restaurant, and then up to the hotel room. My wife hit it off well with this guy, and, in addition, he was nicely built and "well-equipped". The second time we met him, she asked for an hour or so of "alone time" with him. I hesitated, because I usually join in after about 10 or 15 minutes. I felt like that was quite a bit of time, but agreed, as long as she felt safe. During this encounter and the previous ones, I would also listen from outside the room, which was another turn-on for me.

Here's where it gets a little complicated. My wife started having second thoughts about the number of guys she had been with and wanted to cut back. Although we always played safe, we agreed to be more selective and careful. A closer circle of "regulars" so to speak. She mentioned that our new friend was inquiring about a 1-on-1 encounter, which made me feel uncomfortable. I asked if he meant 1-on-1, with me joining later, or not. She said she wasn't sure. She also says that our new friend says he needs to get to know me better so that all this works out. I reply that he has my #, but has not contacted me.

He arranged for a mini GB; him us and one other guy that he felt was safe. She did the usual "alone time" before I joined in, and we all had the usual good-time party. Shortly after this she said that our new friend had asked for a 1-on-1 without me. I objected and we started having arguments. I said that I was always there, except when there was another woman. That I wasn't comfortable with it. She said I had set up scenes that she wasn't comfortable with, like the couple, and moving too fast with the multiple guy thing. She said it was something different that she wanted to try, and that I shouldn't be so selfish. I conceded and she met this guy. She was gone for almost 4 1/2 hours, all the while I was pacing the floor. She immediately jumped me when she returned (she says that she always has to have me after our parties and it's the best f*ck of the night). We talked about it some more afterwards, and I told her I still didn't feel comfortable about it. More arguments. I told her that I didn't even get to "listen in" while she was alone with him. She said she got off on the idea of being a 'bad girl' without me being there, then coming home and getting 'punished' by me. I replied that I really didn't get much out the whole scenario. She responded with the familiar "I did all these things for you, why can't you do this for me?" question. Yes, she did agree to do some things that I had wanted, and maybe not necessarily her, but I thought she was getting 'some' enjoyment out of being GB'd by some nice-looking guys. She told to me that she mentioned another GB to our new friend, "before he got the wrong idea about the 1-on-1's". I asked if that was all he was interested in, and she said that she thought he liked those more because he never got to enjoy that. He was always involved in GBs and always had to 'share'. A week after the 1st 1-on-1, she tells me he wants to have another, and she does too. Off she goes while I stay behind, anxious, but maybe not as much as the first time. She comes home all wired up and we have a good, but not great time (she was gone another 4+hours, while our session only lasts about 1 1/2). She also tells me that he's setting up a GB for the following week. This GB was going to be us plus 3 other guys.

For a variety of reasons, this GB does not transpire (travel, schedules, etc). In the meantime, my wife has been having almost daily contact with our new friend, and again mentions playing only with a small, select group. Maybe some couples, since this is considered somewhat safer. I propose an MFM with us and our new friend, but she hesitates. She explains that she and he both feel that there's tension when I'm there, and that we're not compatible. (She's compatible with me and compatible with him, but not the 3 of us together - got it?) I suggest the other "safe" friend that he had invited to the last party, but the question never really gets answered.

It has now been over 2 months since the last GB party that i was at. It's been about 5 weeks since her last 1-on-1. She has mentioned the 1-on-1 fantasy again and coming home and getting 'punished'. She says I have to act this out to make it work. I suggested that she has a 1-on-1 where I "catch her 'cheating'" and join in on the party; she still hesistates because of our"incompatibility".

We are still having some of the best sex we've ever had, but there seems to be something 'hanging in the air'. I'm expecting another 1-on-1, which I honestly don't get too excited about. She mentions one other friend that we've partied with, but because of distance and schedules, we could only party with 2 or 3 times a year. Talk of meeting other couples has died off. My question: is it reasonable for my wife to have 1-on-1 encounters every 6 weeks or so(maybe more often) which I don't feel totally comfortable with, because she "did what I wanted her to do" for a year or two? This is not a cuckhold type of relationship, if anyone is wondering.

Again, sorry for the length of this 'summary' - and thanks for your replies. I'd also be interested in hearing how many wives go out and play 'alone'.

11-23-2004, 12:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
masscpl469 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 2 Location: MA	Changing the "Rules" or more Broken Agreements Hi. Male 1/2 of a couple here. A little bit of background(sorry for the length): I always enjoyed watching 3somes, etc in adult films especially MFM, and my wife and I did a lot of "pillow talk" for many years. She always resisted going out and actually acting on our fantasies. About 5 years ago, we took the plunge and met someone we chatted with online. He was also married but was allowed to play alone. After meeting in a bar, we ended up in a hotel room and had a good time. We met him again a few weeks later. I started to suggest bi-activities to my wife (her and another woman). She ended up going out with the the new friend and his wife while I stayed at home. The reason is that my wife was not comfortable at all with me being in the same room as another woman, let alone "with" another woman. She always made that clear. I enjoyed the idea of her being with a couple and coming home to give me the details. We met other couples socially and she would end up in the bedroom with them, but without methe ever elusive bi-female that couples are looking for!). One night I surprised her and had the original couple show up at our house. I told them they should go downstairs and have fun and I was glad just to listen in. My wife siad I should come into the room and watch. I hesitated, but after hearing all the moans, I entered the room. It was great watching all the action, and then my wife wanted me to join in - with her only. I hesitated, but eventually obliged, and I thought we had a great time . We had several other MFM's with just the husband, but for various reasons stopped playing. After several years, we decided to get back into the scene. We met another guy though the internet who arranged gangbangs. We initially met him and had a MFM. This was followed by a couple more encounters. My wife started to ask for some initial 'alone time' with him and then I would join in. I then set up a 3-on-1 (me plus 2 guys), although she indicated she was nervous about it. I went ahead with the plans and she had her 1st (mini) GB. She said I shouldn't have set this up, but that she did have a good time. Over the next 6 months or so, we would party about every 5 or 6 weeks. Once was with a couple plus 3 guys (I was not there, because she still felt uncomfortable about me being around another woman). All the other times was with me and other guys, usually a total of 3 or 4 guys. She would usually ask for some time with the guys alone to relax and loosen up, and then I would join the party. It was great seeing her enjoying herself with other men - a real turn-on for me, as well as joining in (I'm not just a "watcher"). She would occasionally mention to me that she would like to share me with another woman, but only orally. Kind of a soft swing thing. She is mildly bi, and I told her I could think of a lot of different positions either with another woman, or a couple, which was also discusssed. She felt that the other woman would need a man there to satisfy her, because she wasn't getting near me (except oral). Because I knew she didn't feel comfortable with this, I never really pushed for it, and decided to let it take it's course - and I would be one happy man if it ever transpired. We continued the mini GBs and she even had another party with another couple plus 3 guys. But after a couple of 'bad' parties, we started thinking about our options. About this time, we met another man online. We ended up meeting him at a restaurant, and then up to the hotel room. My wife hit it off well with this guy, and, in addition, he was nicely built and "well-equipped". The second time we met him, she asked for an hour or so of "alone time" with him. I hesitated, because I usually join in after about 10 or 15 minutes. I felt like that was quite a bit of time, but agreed, as long as she felt safe. During this encounter and the previous ones, I would also listen from outside the room, which was another turn-on for me. Here's where it gets a little complicated. My wife started having second thoughts about the number of guys she had been with and wanted to cut back. Although we always played safe, we agreed to be more selective and careful. A closer circle of "regulars" so to speak. She mentioned that our new friend was inquiring about a 1-on-1 encounter, which made me feel uncomfortable. I asked if he meant 1-on-1, with me joining later, or not. She said she wasn't sure. She also says that our new friend says he needs to get to know me better so that all this works out. I reply that he has my #, but has not contacted me. He arranged for a mini GB; him us and one other guy that he felt was safe. She did the usual "alone time" before I joined in, and we all had the usual good-time party. Shortly after this she said that our new friend had asked for a 1-on-1 without me. I objected and we started having arguments. I said that I was always there, except when there was another woman. That I wasn't comfortable with it. She said I had set up scenes that she wasn't comfortable with, like the couple, and moving too fast with the multiple guy thing. She said it was something different that she wanted to try, and that I shouldn't be so selfish. I conceded and she met this guy. She was gone for almost 4 1/2 hours, all the while I was pacing the floor. She immediately jumped me when she returned (she says that she always has to have me after our parties and it's the best f*ck of the night). We talked about it some more afterwards, and I told her I still didn't feel comfortable about it. More arguments. I told her that I didn't even get to "listen in" while she was alone with him. She said she got off on the idea of being a 'bad girl' without me being there, then coming home and getting 'punished' by me. I replied that I really didn't get much out the whole scenario. She responded with the familiar "I did all these things for you, why can't you do this for me?" question. Yes, she did agree to do some things that I had wanted, and maybe not necessarily her, but I thought she was getting 'some' enjoyment out of being GB'd by some nice-looking guys. She told to me that she mentioned another GB to our new friend, "before he got the wrong idea about the 1-on-1's". I asked if that was all he was interested in, and she said that she thought he liked those more because he never got to enjoy that. He was always involved in GBs and always had to 'share'. A week after the 1st 1-on-1, she tells me he wants to have another, and she does too. Off she goes while I stay behind, anxious, but maybe not as much as the first time. She comes home all wired up and we have a good, but not great time (she was gone another 4+hours, while our session only lasts about 1 1/2). She also tells me that he's setting up a GB for the following week. This GB was going to be us plus 3 other guys. For a variety of reasons, this GB does not transpire (travel, schedules, etc). In the meantime, my wife has been having almost daily contact with our new friend, and again mentions playing only with a small, select group. Maybe some couples, since this is considered somewhat safer. I propose an MFM with us and our new friend, but she hesitates. She explains that she and he both feel that there's tension when I'm there, and that we're not compatible. (She's compatible with me and compatible with him, but not the 3 of us together - got it?) I suggest the other "safe" friend that he had invited to the last party, but the question never really gets answered. It has now been over 2 months since the last GB party that i was at. It's been about 5 weeks since her last 1-on-1. She has mentioned the 1-on-1 fantasy again and coming home and getting 'punished'. She says I have to act this out to make it work. I suggested that she has a 1-on-1 where I "catch her 'cheating'" and join in on the party; she still hesistates because of our"incompatibility". We are still having some of the best sex we've ever had, but there seems to be something 'hanging in the air'. I'm expecting another 1-on-1, which I honestly don't get too excited about. She mentions one other friend that we've partied with, but because of distance and schedules, we could only party with 2 or 3 times a year. Talk of meeting other couples has died off. My question: is it reasonable for my wife to have 1-on-1 encounters every 6 weeks or so(maybe more often) which I don't feel totally comfortable with, because she "did what I wanted her to do" for a year or two? This is not a cuckhold type of relationship, if anyone is wondering. Again, sorry for the length of this 'summary' - and thanks for your replies. I'd also be interested in hearing how many wives go out and play 'alone'.