Oh wow, see, I've dealt with this too. However, it wasn't an issue until for me until my husband and I started investigating this lifestyle.
See, since I've had kids, I blew up.....and I know it's my fault. However, I have never felt sexier than I do now. I think being sexy is something that we just show through our attitude, our dress, etc. I really do feel sexy sometimes
My road blocks have been recently through going to Swing socials. I was like, "Oh my gosh" cause there were so many perfect people. I definitely felt intimidated. Thus, I didn't appraoch or mingle with any of them.
I think I, and maybe you, need to learn to be happy with who we are....and ofcourse work to be the best we can. I'm glad this issue has motivated others....it hasn't motivated me. I want to be motivated by "what's healthy" and what's best for me...and nobody else.
Best luck