[JnCC]

[QUOTE=Pepper & Drew]

this weekend we met some couples who are just dating--living together, in committed relationships, but not married.

I think that "dating" and "living together" are almost synonamous, as are "committed" and "married." People who pair-up primarily for the purpose of participating in the Lifestyle...I don't know, flame me if you like...but they seem to have an air of desperation about them. I always wonder if the guy is such a loser that his only hope of connecting with women (other than the one he's dating) is through the Lifestyle. I often wonder if the woman is so insecure about her looks or her age that she's afraid to say "no" to whatever the hell crazy idea he cooks up, whether it's going to wild, naked orgies together, or moving to Canada to hunt bears.

I've had some experience in this both as the male-half of a married couple, (twice) as a guy who was dating a woman who also happened to be a swinger, and now, as a male who's been living with a woman for about a year-and-a-half, and with whom we sometimes participate in swinging activities. I/we have always been upfront about the nature of our relationship to each other when dealing with couples in the Lifestyle, and feel absolutely NO ill-will towards anybody who passes us by because we're not married, and aren't planning to be. This is where I have to say...the level of enjoyment I've experienced in swinging has been directly proportional to the level of committment I had with the woman I was swinging with.

By far, the most fun, ever, were the times that my ex-wife and I participated together. We got into the Lifestyle as tentative, frightened newbies, and when we left it, we were swinging from the chandeliers. Hands down, there's nothing as fun as getting into some grown-up mischief and merrymaking, unless it's doing it with your best friend and lover.

The least fun by far were the times that I did this with a "date" or a woman I didn't really have an ongoing relationship with. In fact, it was downright depressing, probably because I was comparing the experience, and the experience after "the experience," to the happier times described above. I only went to one club with one woman, and a couple house parties with the other. Never again!

Currently, I'm in a "quasi-relationship" with a woman, so our level of involvement in all this would probably qualify us as "quasi-swingers." She had no knowledge of my past experience, and I didn't mention the word "swinging," until we'd been together for almost 8 months. Her sex drive is much higher than mine, and she likes to play. We've even done some full-swap. But to be honest, the giggle-ometer has been pegged at about "half" ever since we started this.

I guess swinging is like horse racing...it's a lot more interesting when your own horse is in the race.