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Originally Posted by frenzb4sex Question here: In situations like this, if a semi-change or even drastic turnabouts take place like I observed, wouldn't you think it be prudent to discuss it before the act? While I can see the advantage of it being spontaneous, because of that entrenched comfort level I had and was happy with, I really think that the way she did it really had not a chance of "ending up good". |
Wow! Deep stuff... My thinking on this is that it is hard to say whether it should have been talked about before or not... Reason being - it is already done. I am sure that the two of you have been debriefing about it - and that is the best thing to do.
You can't really expect for her to have known how you would respond. She took a risk and it backfired a bit. But - where there are no risks, there are no real successes.
Talking about it before hand may have sterilized it - for her. It may have made it easier for you, but it may have taken away the "reality" for her and made her feel like she was putting on a show and not really taking the lead...
I applaude her courage in taking that risk.
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Originally Posted by frenzb4sex Also, in situations where in swinging your SO may have played a different top/bottom role or even just changed some different ways of doing things, etc., what is your expectation as to how that affects things between you and the SO's experiences together? Do you expect for that person to come back and do everything that they have learned or did with their swing mate? Do you feel that it's hard to possibly emulate the same type of behavior because of the simple differences in the people you are with? Do you find yourself maybe being a little different in the sexual experiences with others as well? |
I think the variety that we experience in swinging allows both of us to give each other a fuller sexual experience when it is just the two of us. It is kind of like the sum of all of our experiences come together to make for one incredible one...
Mrs Spoomonkey is a little bit of a ring leader in encounters, which has been a surprise to me. But, I don't expect that same sort of "harbor master" attitude in our bedroom. It is not that it isn't her - or that it isn't me... It isn't "us". Does that make sense? I think when we swing we tend to be - or have become with experience - a more dominant couple. But together, our roles are still pretty sharply defined.
As for "do I expect for her to come back and do everything" - absolutely yes - and absolutely no... For example, we don't do anal together. Mrs Spoomonkey is fascinated by it, but it isn't something we can do without difficulty. Because of that - I expect that we'll not do anal with our playmates. If she does - then I would expect to be next in line... If that makes sense.
But - I also am a realist. You cannot recreate swinging in the bedroom when it is just the two of you. I want her to be able to let loose and enjoy the experience without worrying about me. There is so much concern flowing between both of us that I don't worry about it, but all the same, I want her to have her experience and not really worry about such things... As long as we play within the boundaries that we have agreed upon, I want for both of us to let loose. And I am not thinking about "equal time."
As for your last question - I am much less aggressive with our playmates. In fact, I am a bit on the timid side of "very respectful". I think this comes from our experience with our first couple. She was very eager, but I could tell by watching her with her husband that she wasn't quite ready for me. Mrs Spoomonkey agreed. We frankly thought I might kill her...
That sounds braggodocious - but it isn't meant to be. I mean, my aggressive style compared to her incredible sensitivity in certain spots and her husbands extremely "laid back" approach were likely to be something that she wasn't used to... And I didn't think that she'd enjoy herself...
So - I tend to play slow until I know what our partners are comfortable with. The "alpha monkey" stays in his cage with other couples.
Spoomonkey