The Swingers Board - View Single Post - How do swingers feel about assertive women

betty1213 · 08-04-2004, 12:38 PM

Hi All: I am new to the board and this is the first time I have been brave enough to post a question so I ask you all to bear with me as to the length of this. I have done a search of the board but didn't find anything that asked this exact question.

We are relatively new to the lifestyle ( about 2 years ) and our play experiences have been mostly with single straight or bi females. We have yet to find the connection with another couple where all four parties click. In part this is due to the fact that we live in a very small conservative community and my job would be affected were I to be outed so play time is usually out of town. We have attended small dances north and south of us and are members of Swing Lifestyle but there are no clubs or larger dances close by.

I have become concerned that one of the reasons we have not clicked with another couple is because of me. I am in a management position and have worked hard on my self confidence , management and leadership skills. I have come a long way from the shy catholic school girl with poor self esteem of 30 years ago. I am a very assertive, independent woman. I don't consider myself a hottie but have been attempting to work on MILF status for several years!

I have come to believe that many men find women like me attractive but will tend to go for the more submissive type females in the end because it tends to be easier. I try hard not to seem overly assertive but apparently am not quite getting the message across.

Hubby loves me madly and is aware of my less assertive side. He is one of the few people in my life whom I have trusted with that part of me. Because of this I have been able to grow in my career.

When playing I don't believe I act dominant and actually don't usually initiate contact except with hubby.
So the questions are: 1) Do couples in the lifestyle want less assertive, independent female as playmates?
2) Have we just not connected yet with the right couples and my paranoia is unfounded?
3) Is there something I should be doing different ?

Not sure if I asked the questions right or am being quite as clear as I could. Hope I haven't offended anyone.

Your Thoughts or ideas will be appreciated.

08-04-2004, 12:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
betty1213 Active Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 12 Location: Oregon Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:betty1213	How do swingers feel about assertive women Hi All: I am new to the board and this is the first time I have been brave enough to post a question so I ask you all to bear with me as to the length of this. I have done a search of the board but didn't find anything that asked this exact question. We are relatively new to the lifestyle ( about 2 years ) and our play experiences have been mostly with single straight or bi females. We have yet to find the connection with another couple where all four parties click. In part this is due to the fact that we live in a very small conservative community and my job would be affected were I to be outed so play time is usually out of town. We have attended small dances north and south of us and are members of Swing Lifestyle but there are no clubs or larger dances close by. I have become concerned that one of the reasons we have not clicked with another couple is because of me. I am in a management position and have worked hard on my self confidence , management and leadership skills. I have come a long way from the shy catholic school girl with poor self esteem of 30 years ago. I am a very assertive, independent woman. I don't consider myself a hottie but have been attempting to work on MILF status for several years! I have come to believe that many men find women like me attractive but will tend to go for the more submissive type females in the end because it tends to be easier. I try hard not to seem overly assertive but apparently am not quite getting the message across. Hubby loves me madly and is aware of my less assertive side. He is one of the few people in my life whom I have trusted with that part of me. Because of this I have been able to grow in my career. When playing I don't believe I act dominant and actually don't usually initiate contact except with hubby. So the questions are: 1) Do couples in the lifestyle want less assertive, independent female as playmates? 2) Have we just not connected yet with the right couples and my paranoia is unfounded? 3) Is there something I should be doing different ? Not sure if I asked the questions right or am being quite as clear as I could. Hope I haven't offended anyone. Your Thoughts or ideas will be appreciated.