Another interesting but related phenomenon that has us a little more cautious and questioning with those who say "soft swap only" and "not into full swap" is the couple searching for a bi-fem but contacting couples with bi-fems (hinted at in my earlier post). After a few chats and a meeting, just when we think all is going well, we hear from them that "she doesn't do anything with other men" or "she has no desire for a man other than her own" but they assume I (female half) will still play with both of them. As when someone says the female wants absolutely no contact with another male - no touching, no oral, nothing.
Then they proceed to get upset with us when we explain that is not a swap of any kind...soft or full. What we've finally realized is to some newbies soft swap meant he swaps, she doesn't. As if "full" is both partners and "soft" is half. Umm, no fair. What's my male half supposed to do, sit home and watch TV?!?!?!
This has happened to us a few times, and I suspect we aren't the only ones hearing this too. We actually got into a heated exchange with one couple after we said No to that proposition because it wasn't a swap of any kind but a threesome. They proceeded to tell us we didn't know the lingo! We realize everyone has slight differences in what might be "soft swap", but "full" (or hard) is almost universally full intercourse and we can understand why some aren't ready for that yet. But "swap" is "swap" - it's changing partners or playing with another's partner to the extent all are comfortable. Oh and the couple that got so upset specifically used the word "swap" not "swinging", although most of us use those interchangeably. I recommended if they wanted a threesome or soft swing/original-partner, same-room sex to say that specifically instead of saying "soft swap" which I thought misleading.
Has this happened to anyone else? Or are we just...well, just us?!
This actually ties into Julie's #3:
For soft-swingers... what do you consider soft-swinging?