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Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty Mrs naughty and I occasionaly "Take one for the team".
Of course there are DEFINATE limits to what that means but if one of us isnt willing then we wont. |
Just to be clear, I'm not talking about "taking one for the team." My wife and I have discussed that issue at length, and we've come to what we feel is a very agreeable solution (evolves around a 1-10 level of comfort, deviation of 2-3 points for flexibility, etc.). That's another discussion that's been covered ad nauseam, and I know everyone has their own opinions.
Here, I was really asking just the opposite. Let's say we meet a couple, find them attractive on initial contact, get along with them, etc. It all seems really good. But let's say that after talking with them, I (for the sake of example, because it could be the other way around) find something I don't like about the guy. I definitely want to play with the female half, but the guy bugs me because...I dunno. Perhaps he's arrogant? Mr. Macho? Wears too much gold jewelry? Reminds me of one of her ex-boyfriends? (Insert anything that you might find offensive. I'm just using random examples of what might bother me, none of which has happened--but could--and the substance of which is less important than the issue at hand. But they're essentially superficial things.).
So, other than something about the guy bugging me, we're all ready to go. We get along, there's attraction between me/her and my wife/him, we have enough in common to carry on a conversation, we "like" them, etc. But when I picture him with my wife, there's something about him that bugs me. So, I was asking, should that be a deal breaker? Or, I guess the real question is this: Am I being selfish if I say "no" at that point, since my wife's a big girl and, given that we've agreed to play with others, ought to be able to make up her own mind about who she wants to play with? Or, as Lee put it perfectly, "Just because I love her does not mean I rule her."
I hope I've made my question clearer. The fact that "taking one for the team" or that the other person might be icky made me feel like maybe I didn't get my point across originally. I'm not talking insecurities or threats here--more of a "I realize you're attracted to that person, but I just don't like something about that him/her" feeling.
Like I said previously, part of me thinks it's OK to say "no" on those grounds. Yet, if the tables were turned, and everything about a couple seemed perfect until my wife suddenly whispered to me, "I don't like her because of 'x,' so it's a no go," I don't know if I'd feel that way any longer.
Thanks for all the responses. As always, you guys are an invaluable source of help and information.