[leftcoastcouple]

In light of the "Husband's too picky to play" and follow-up "Who's pickier" threads, a train of thought occurred to me that I don't think has been addressed before: Is it OK to veto a couple, not because you aren't attracted to the person with whom you'd be having sex, but based upon the person your partner would be with?

I ask this because, as I alluded to in the other threads, my wife and I have made a game of checking out other couples from the perspective of "Would we?" and guessing what the other will say. As I stated in the other threads, my wife often surprises me. She's quite picky, yet she often says "yes" to couples with guys I'd frankly rather she'd say "no" about.

When I and my friends are out, we often joke, as Howard Stern is known to do, about women we wouldn't want to be with because of the guys they've slept with--because we wouldn't want to "follow" those particular guys. That's where I'm coming from with some of the guys my wife says she'd do. I don't want to get home afterwards and think, Ew, she was with HIM and feel alienated from her.

If I wouldn't want to sleep with some generic woman because of a guy she's slept with, then I don't know where that leaves me as a married wanna-be-swinging guy whose wife wants to sleep with guys I don't want to follow. Is that part of the deal, or am I right to demand some sort of veto authority?

Part of me says, hey, I wouldn't want her telling me "no" about someone I'd want to be with (Example: Carmen Electra because she's been with Fred Durst and/or Dennis Rodman). But the other part of me says wait, this is your spouse, and if you don't want them to be with a particular person, you ought to have SOME say on the issue. Or is that part of the trade-off of having your cake and eating it, too?

If I think about the flip side of the coin, I don't want her telling me "no." I feel like I ought to be able to sleep with whoever I find attractive, and that might mean someone she's not entirely comfortable with. But then I turn the tables and...well, I'm just not sure. Then it seems like a house of cards.

Sorry if this sounds terribly naive, but I'm confused. Help! Aside from the old "you have to decide for yourselves" response, I don't know what the norm is here!