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JAPrufrock

We went to our first club...

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...and I have one word for it:

 

DISAPPOINTED!

 

Mr. Prufrock and I went to Princeton the other night and it was... Meh at best. We were told by one of the guys we talked to that normally there are more people there (there weren't many, and even fewer couples). There was little to no sexual charge. Add to that the complete lack of interest for me. I know that it sounds really lame, but no one showed interest in me except for a REALLY drunk unicorn...

 

I mean, chick was falling over drunk, and just came up and rubbed herself all over me. I felt cornered. She was there with her friend and their two guy friends, and all of them were nice, but it felt really weird.

 

We got a tour of the upstairs and downstairs facility. Apparently I really am a prude, because we walked by a room where two people were going at it, and I immediately looked away and was like... "oh, look at this wallpaper. It is unique and wallpaper-y"( Maybe it was just because we were on a tour with one of the bouncers.) At that moment, it was intensely awkward for me. After I got home and thought about it, only then was it kind of a turn-on.

 

My main issue is attraction. There was one guy there that I was sort of like "yeah, he's cute." and he was an employee. This is becoming a theme. Thus far, all of the interactions we've had in the Lifestyle, I have felt sexually attracted to no one. Is this just a case of "wait until you find the right person?" Or is my brain just monogamous?

 

So I'll let Mr. Prufrock detail y'all in on his impression and the unicorn situation. I'll just add that the whole thing felt off and left a bad taste.

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Regret to read of your disappointment ?

 

Almost any club has on nights and off nights. For the club's within our range, Club Princeton not being one of these, Saturday night tends to be a better-attended night than Friday night. It is difficult to judge the real character of a swingers' club if you've seen it only once and they were having a poorly-attended night.

 

In regard to an attraction to a staff member, I have felt similar attraction. Some staff are volunteer and are under no obligation to keep hands off the evening's paid customers -- or they are, at least, free to do what they want after their duty for the evening, such as bussing tables or serving food, is complete.

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...and I have one word for it:

 

DISAPPOINTED!

It happens. The first time my wife and I went to a club, it was pretty much a dud of us. It turned out to not be the right club for us. It wasn't until some years later that we found a club which did have the right atmosphere and group of people to be a comfortable and fun place for us. Sadly, that club closed. The new club in our area is OK, but except for our most recent visit, we haven't found anyone there we were interested in. Every club is different. Different people, different atmosphere. Some will work for you. Others won't.

 

 

 

Mr. Prufrock and I went to Princeton the other night and it was... Meh at best. We were told by one of the guys we talked to that normally there are more people there (there weren't many, and even fewer couples). There was little to no sexual charge. Add to that the complete lack of interest for me. I know that it sounds really lame, but no one showed interest in me except for a REALLY drunk unicorn...

 

I mean, chick was falling over drunk, and just came up and rubbed herself all over me. I felt cornered. She was there with her friend and their two guy friends, and all of them were nice, but it felt really weird.

 

Drunk grabby people are a problem. I've run into a few over the years and it's never a good experience. I recall one drunk lady who had to escorted from the club, she was making such a spectacle of herself. It's unfortunate that you run into that.

 

We got a tour of the upstairs and downstairs facility. Apparently I really am a prude, because we walked by a room where two people were going at it, and I immediately looked away and was like... "oh, look at this wallpaper. It is unique and wallpaper-y"( Maybe it was just because we were on a tour with one of the bouncers.) At that moment, it was intensely awkward for me. After I got home and thought about it, only then was it kind of a turn-on.

 

As for feeling awkward seeing people have sex... it's an acquired taste I guess. I'm a voyeur by nature, so it's never been a big issue for me but I know that generally we are socialized to feel that seeing other people having sex, or even just kissing, is something you're supposed to look away from.

 

My main issue is attraction. There was one guy there that I was sort of like "yeah, he's cute." and he was an employee. This is becoming a theme. Thus far, all of the interactions we've had in the Lifestyle, I have felt sexually attracted to no one. Is this just a case of "wait until you find the right person?" Or is my brain just monogamous?

 

It's your brain. Only you can know for sure. Still, I wouldn't give up entirely.

 

When we were starting out my wife and I went out lots of times and more often than not failed to find someone who attracted us. It was very discouraging at first... until we clued in to one basic rule - no expectations. If you go out thinking "we are absolutely going to hook up with a hot couple/single tonight" you will probably be disappointed. If you go out thinking "we are going to have a lot of fun together tonight and, hey, if we meet someone we hit it off with great but if not we have each other and that's what really counts" then you will (almost) always have fun.

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I have to agree with SW, clubs have off days and Friday nights can be a crap shoot...after all it's still a work day and some might be tired from their day.

 

As for the turning-your-head-and-feeling-awkward-about-watching-live-sex...I think it might just be some of your ingrained upbringing. For me, I still struggle with this at times where that part of you still whispers, "It's inappropriate to watch other people have sex!" And then sometimes it because one of those, "Eh, I've seen that before." It's crazy, really.

 

Attraction--I tend to also have a hard time finding suitable men that I am attracted to when we go out to swing. I wish I weren't that way but that's just how it is. Just know that you're not the only one that has high standards. ;) Take it from me, you don't want to play with someone that you aren't really attracted to...it gets very awkward and uncomfortable really fast.

 

Just keep going the pace that makes you two happy. :)

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Sorry to hear about your less-than-thrilling first-time club experience.

 

I know that a lot of members here swear by the club experience. But for us, it has generally seemed like a club is a difficult way to meet new people. We do enjoy going to clubs, but usually on a "date" with another couple, or with a group of people that we know well. And, to be honest, even the idea of going with a group is less appealing to me (Mr. CoupleInMD79) than it is to the Mrs.

 

Did you two at least play with each other at the club? Even if you don't hook up with anybody else, it's still fun to play together in a playroom, with the sounds of others in the background!

 

We know of one couple who seem to have more success at clubs than we do. One of their favorite things is to start playing together, and leave the door to their playroom open (they are not at all shy!). This serves as an invitation to others to watch the action. The protocol here is that people can watch if the door is open, but need to ask to come in. They also need to ask to join in, to touch, etc. We went to a club just last Saturday with this couple, and the four of us went at it in a "voyeur room" that allows people to watch (we also left the door open!). In short order we had another couple watching, asking to come in, and asking to play on the bed with us. There was almost no touching between the visitors and us (maybe a little bit of breast touching...), but it added to the excitement! So that is an option, if you want to indulge any voyeuristic/exhibitionist tendencies.

 

One way or another, if you stay in this lifestyle, you will eventually get used to seeing people fucking right before your eyes! You should check out a funny video on YouTube which I think is called, "Shit Swingers Say". There are some funny segments in this video addressing the very issue of people going at it in front of you.

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Everything so far is exactly right and has been our experience too. We've always gone clubbing on Saturday nights, the peak couples night. Along with smaller events, we've been to three different major clubs, and two we have never failed to have fun at and the other one was like watching paint dry. Even at the last one, before we left we went into a playroom and fucked each other silly. But, at that same club, we talked to people who love it there and come every nearly every weekend, some from a considerable distance away. So, to each their own, but also try and try again. You'll eventually find a good fit.

 

[video=youtube;O5v-6_6qat4]

This has been posted here before, but it's hilarious and so, so appropriate. When it comes to seeing other people having sex, then pay attention to about 1:26. It gets to where instead of "OMG, they're having sex!" to "huh, they're having sex...Hey, did we ever tell you all about ______ (boring vanilla thing)?" It's not that you become totally indifferent to it, it's just that once it's no longer a shock, then you aren't "on" all the time. When you are "on", then it's a turn-on, but when you aren't, it's just something that that you are paying attention enough to know it's there but you aren't engrossed in it.

 

Attraction - don't look upon this as a negative, look at it as a positive. One of the most common mistakes new swingers make is trying to force something that's not totally there. It won't work. We made the same mistake ourselves...and it didn't work. Look upon it as you doing things right and not making the same mistake so many others have made.

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Mr. Prufrock here.

 

Obviously I'm usually not the one to post anything on the board. Mrs. Prufrock is the more prolific one. We had our first club experience last night and there were some questions raised that I told her she should pose to the forum, to which she said, "Well you could do it, you know." So here I am.

 

I'll set this up with the events of the evening. We show up to the club and there are way less people there than we expected. After talking to a couple of regulars they assured us that this was an unusually slow night, and that it's normally much more wild. "Fair enough," I thought, "We're still going to have a good time and try to talk to some people." After making some idle chit-chat with a few people ("Yes, we're newbies" and "Yes, this IS our first time to a sex club. Wahoo!") I can't help but notice we're being pointed and stared at by a couple of young ladies from across the bar. Suddenly, we're approached by one of them.

 

This girl was in her early twenties, very beautiful, and also very clearly drunk. I don't know if I've encountered "drunk" like this before. It was a new species of "drunk." It was almost as if someone had shoved an entire bottle of vodka, a pound of speed, gasoline, and flaming wads of newspaper down this young girl's throat and then ran away behind an overturned table to see what happened next. She came over, mentioned something about her friend, and then wouldn’t stop talking. She talked insanely fast, asked questions that were immediately followed by other questions, and would unexpectedly yell and/or growl at the end of her sentences; "I'm just all, y'know, rrrraaaaauggggughrraawwwwl!!!" She asked us our names no less than five times, and introduced herself no less than 8, repeatedly reiterating the fact that she's A) Canadian, and B) Insanely drunk. We'll call her Drunk Canadian Girl(DCG).

 

After a minute her very cute friend approaches as well. By this time DCG is pawing at Mrs. Prufrock, who is mildly bi-curious, but not by any means openly seeking to play with girls (and certainly not inebriated ones). Mrs. P looked like she was frantically trying to find a secret lever on her barstool that might activate the emergency eject mechanism, shooting her across the room and away from DCG. When I asked her about it later she told me that she wasn’t bothered by DCG trying to touch her, it was the fact that DCG was disturbingly drunk and spilling her drink all over Mrs. P’s new dress. Her friend, who I have no clever name for, so we'll just call her the Unicorn, was much less inebriated and very friendly. We made small talk, explained again that we're newbies, reminded DCG of our names again, and Mrs. P mentioned that there is a song she really wants the DJ to play. The Unicorn pestered DCG to take Mrs. P up to the DJ to request the song with her, but DCG was too drunk to understand what her friend was trying to explain to her. In the end, Mrs. P and I go request the song together. (Mrs. P admits this was a ploy to get away from DCG.)

 

When we return DCG was gone. Unicorn explained that DCG had too much to drink and was being looked after by one of their friends. Unicorn then offered to give us a tour of the club. Every single staff member knew and recognized Unicorn wherever she wandered in the club, so it took no time at all to find someone who would show us around. It's only at this point that I suddenly realized that Unicorn had been giving me very coy and dangerous smiles when Mrs. P wasn’t looking. While the tour guide walked us through the various rooms of the club, Unicorn tended to hang back beside me, and even once pulled me to the side to show me a room made up to look exactly like a doctor's exam room (neat). I stick to my wife like glue. Further on in the night, it became more than obvious that Unicorn had her sights set squarely on me, with no interest in Mrs. P at all.

 

At one point, while the wife and I were laughing hysterically with a guy we had just met who could do a spectacular impression of nearly every accent and celebrity you could think of, Unicorn caught my eye across the room and gestured for me to follow her. I shook my head back at her and tried to explain solely through facial expressions that, "I'm sorry Unicorn, but my wife and I are only dipping our toes into this lifestyle at this point and did not come tonight with intention of playing with anyone. One of our steadfast rules is "same room only" so there's no way, however nice and attractive I think you are, that I'm going to leave Mrs. Prufrock here while you and I go and have sex in a back room."

 

As it turns out this is a very difficult concept to convey solely through facial expressions.

 

I realize that if Unicorn came on any stronger than she already had that I was going to have to tell her no. Not something I've ever had any experience with whatsoever. The teenage version of myself that still hides somewhere under my skin who would have gone through ridiculous lengths to get the attention of random girls no doubt hated me in that moment, but fuck that guy. I'm a God damned grown-up now.

 

A friend of Unicorn's, a single male who earlier had hopes of hooking up with DCG but knew he now couldn't since she was 12 barrels of drunk, took me to the side:

 

"You got a stalker."

 

"Oh really?"

 

"Oh yeah. She told me she wants to fuck you really bad and I had to tell her, 'I think that dude is married. You kind of need to ask the wife.'"

 

"She can ask, but nothing is going to happen without my wife there too, and even that isn't very likely. We're just here to watch tonight or play with only each other.”

 

When we realized just how late it was getting and that we needed to get back home, Mrs. Prufrock made one last stop to the ladies room and I waited for her outside the restroom door. I spotted DCG, sitting slumped over at a table with her friends who, thankfully, were looking after her. Unicorn noticed that Mrs. P was nowhere in sight and pulled me by the hand to a nearby couch and began to rub herself on me.

 

"I want to fuck you so bad. This would totally make my night. You are, like, the hottest guy here."

 

And here we go. I told her all about how Mrs. Prufrock and I are newbies and that we're not interested in playing with anyone yet beyond a soft swap, and we definitely wouldn't do separate room.

 

"Could you ask her?”

 

When I told my wife that part later on during the car ride home she assumed that Unicorn was requesting that I ask my wife if I could, just this once, go off and fuck a stranger without her. I think what Unicorn was actually asking was if I could ask Mrs. Prufrock if she could take us both to the back where all three of us could have some fun. (Mrs. Prufrock isn’t buying it as Unicorn didn’t even approach her to ask.) The inner teenager screamed at me when I told Unicorn that, unfortunately, that's not going to happen.

 

In my wildest dreams, all three of us would have been naked and climbing all over each other less than 2 minutes later, but that was not what my wife and I had agreed to and you have to respect your spouse's comfort limits. I did not mention it to Unicorn, but it also happened to be Mrs. Prufrock's time of the month, which only added to the list of reasons that we had decided ahead of time to not play with others when we got to the club. Instead, when Mrs. Prufrock returned, we quietly dismissed ourselves, leaving a disappointed looking Unicorn there on the couch.

 

Sorry for the long story, but it's all lead up to this one point that's actually troubling Mrs. Prufrock and I. She said that she didn't feel any sort of jealousy, which surprised her, because she had assumed when we encountered a situation like this she might experience those feelings despite all the mental preparations she had set up for herself. What troubled her is that this is another swinging-related experience we had where she didn't receive any explicit attention from men. We both had very pleasant conversations with men and women all night long. But, I think Mrs. P was looking out for a man to be as obviously interested in her as Unicorn was in me. Not just a bunch of guys being friendly and having a nice chat. I think her self-esteem may be taking a bit of a blow. She already feels extremely self-conscious.

 

I proposed a theory that this may just be the way that attraction is expressed by the different sexes when swinging is concerned. Since the swinging experience usually slants towards providing a comfortable and thrilling experience for the ladies, I suggested that maybe men don't really approach women at these sort of things the same way, because their advances may not actually be welcome, whereas women are led to feel that they can approach any man they are interested in and be very forthcoming about what is that they want.

 

Attraction is, after all, infinitely complicated and that many men know that the best way to seduce someone is to be charming, low pressure, but assertive when they've determined that interest is mutual (and NEVER a dick lest they be kicked-the-fuck-out of the club). Every man she talked to last night had to have been checking her out, and wondering what it would be like to be with her. I know because I did the exact same thing when I met her for the first time.

 

The difference, that I don't think I'm expressing very well to Mrs. Prufrock when she confessed her disappointment about last night, is that men (unless they're total assholes) play it cool with ladies when they're first meeting them, and that any obvious advances that the fellas there may have made were also deterred by the fact that we were very open about the fact that we're new and a little gun-shy. The general lack of men that Mrs. Prufrock found attractive was another issue, but it’s something she addressed herself in another thread. I think that men in the lifestyle, with a few exceptions, would never pull a woman who is there with her husband to the side and say, “I want to fuck you so bad. It would make my night if we could go get naked together right now.” There are ways to communicate that, which are way more acceptable, and involve a conversation with the husband too if he’s been sticking to her like glue all night long. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a newbie.

 

I would love to hear everyone else's thoughts on this. Do men and women, (single males, unicorns, and couples who play separately), show their interest in play partners differently when approaching new people in a club setting?

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Mrs. Prufrock here.

 

I want to be clear that I don't expect guys lining up to talk to me, I'm not a vain person, and realize I'm average at best. But, you know, at least some level of interest would have been nice. We definitely went into the night knowing 100% that we weren't going to play, our expectation was to have fun, and we did, guess I just wish it had been a little more fun. We ended up going into the back room that is partially visible, but closed the door, and I gave Mr. Prufrock head (since it was a special occasion, and dastardly aunt flo was visiting again, I even swallowed. Normally we like to finish with him inside me.) That was honestly the best part of the night. I was too, err, involved in what I was doing to notice, but Mr. Prufrock said several people stopped to watch and it turned him on immensely.

 

What left a bad taste in my mouth (not including Mr. Prufrock ;) ) was how the Unicorn handled the whole situation. It felt so off. I'm happy to report when I came out of the bathroom and saw them sitting on a couch together I wasn't at all threatened. I knew that Mr. Prufrock would honor the boundaries we set. But it rubs me the wrong way that she would wait until I was gone to approach Mr. Prufrock. It felt... I don't know, underhanded. And the realization that she had kinda spent the whole evening trying to separate us (I'm pretty sure she asked DCG to come on to me, and then desperately tried to get her to take me to go talk to the DJ.) Am I being paranoid about this? Is this normally how Unicorns act?? I hate to label a whole group just by the actions of a few, but how she went about it really didn't sit right.

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Hi, again, Mr. Prufrock! May I say that you earn a high five for saying no to Unicorn? :) Great job there and I hope Mrs. Prufrock knows how hard it was for you to do that with that little devil on your shoulder screaming at you to say yes. ;)

 

And you are correct, any man who isn't an asshole will not grab her and pull her to a side room to whisper in her ear that he wants to have his way with her. That will earn him a slap to the face and a good chance of being banned at the club. If a man does do that to a married woman at a swingers club, he's asking for trouble. When we first started swinging and went to the swinger club a few times, I wasn't ever approached by another male. If I was, Mr. Sun was by my side and he would ask to sit with us and talk. But that was it. Now, just because you aren't being approached doesn't mean that there isn't anyone interested. They are just as nervous as you, probably. They want to be respectful and understand how the game works. They don't want to be seen as desperate or clingy so some hang back. I bet there were tons of lingering glances toward Mrs. Prufrock during the night by many men. Take that as evidence that she was desired. :)

 

If you are seeking experience with other couples, the other married men will usually understand how this goes, too. After all, they are married and are doing this with their spouse. They want their wife to be treated respectfully and will extend the same attitude toward other married women. That's one of the things I like about playing with other couples...they are in the same boat as us. Sometimes single females and males don't quite understand what is it like to swing as a couple...they just go after what they want without considering the spouse. If they don't have a clue, they'll totally ignore the spouse and that makes matters even worse. Even though I'm comfortable with Mr. Sun playing alone without me, it's still nice to know that the other woman understands that I am sharing my husband with her. In a way, I'm doing her a favor, not the other way around. :D

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What left a bad taste in my mouth was how the Unicorn handled the whole situation. It felt so off. It felt... I don't know, underhanded.

 

It's not just a unicorn thing. Some single men also do it but I would hope that they learn pretty quickly that it is the wrong way to go about it. Unfortunately, since unicorns are in such small supply, a lot of couples might be willing to overlook a unicorn's bad behavior (such as this) and it will only enforce their behavior in the end. Hopefully, for this particular unicorn, she learned a lesson.

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What left a bad taste in my mouth (not including Mr. Prufrock ;) ) was how the Unicorn handled the whole situation. It felt so off. I'm happy to report when I came out of the bathroom and saw them sitting on a couch together I wasn't at all threatened. I knew that Mr. Prufrock would honor the boundaries we set. But it rubs me the wrong way that she would wait until I was gone to approach Mr. Prufrock. It felt... I don't know, underhanded. And the realization that she had kinda spent the whole evening trying to separate us (I'm pretty sure she asked DCG to come on to me, and then desperately tried to get her to take me to go talk to the DJ.) Am I being paranoid about this? Is this normally how Unicorns act?? I hate to label a whole group just by the actions of a few, but how she went about it really didn't sit right.

 

It sounds to me like you ran into some unpleasant people. Unfortunately, every group does have them. However, in my experience they are in the minority. So no, in my experience, this isn't how unicorns act. It isn't how most people act.

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I realize that if Unicorn came on any stronger than she already had that I was going to have to tell her no.

 

Never be afraid to tell someone no. You don't need to explain it or justify it. You are allowed to say no. Be polite but be firm and say no.

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Your telling of the story, while I realize wasn't fun at the time, is so funny. This ability to look back on stuff that didn't go quite like you wanted and shrug it off and find the humor in it and laugh about it together will take you far in swinging.

 

Swing club truisms:

 

Single female = often think rules don't apply to them

Bi single female = rules definitely don't apply to them with other females

Young single female = all of the above x 10

Drunk off their ass anybody = problem

Drunk off their ass single female = problem x 10

 

If it's a club with what we consider a "good" crowd, then not having guys making fools of themselves dealing with the females is totally normal, and in fact a plus. There are clubs where she would be feeling just the opposite, like a tasty gazelle dropped into the middle of a pack of ravenous ill-mannered male lions. A lot of guys, me among them, typically wait for the lady to signal interest before doing anything. I don't think that's rare.

 

Another thing is playdar. You don't have to be in swinging long before your playdar gets dialed in to where it is extremely accurate. You guys weren't interested in playing, perfectly ok. But, even the ones you weren't actually saying that too were picking up on it, no doubt about it. Back to being the shy guy waiting for her to make the move, if my playdar isn't just pegged over with red lights flashing and alarms going off, then I'm not likely to do anything but just carry on conversation and enjoy your company. Make my playdar start twitching, then I may start a little mild flirting, see how that registers on the meter, and then just drop it or else keep it up and see where she takes it. Women DO make the rules in the Lifestyle, and often they are the ones calling the shots on who plays and when. I'm not trying to throw it off on Mrs. JAPrufrock, but I'm guessing she isn't used to that yet, and her thinking guys aren't interested in her is actually guys thinking "I wish that one would hit on me" and the ball is staying in her court because the guys aren't going to jump over the net to go get it, they are waiting for her to hit them right in the forehead with it so there is no doubt left in their minds.

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Ok, thank GOD that I'm not just being paranoid, and that it was bad behavior. I was starting to worry that I was just being jealous, but if she had come up to us and asked me "hey, could I play with your husband?" I may have given it some thought. The answer would still have been "no", because it's our first time and we don't want separate rooms (what was I supposed to do while they played? She clearly wasn't interested in me.) But I don't think I would have left feeling this way.

 

This just reinforced our decision to go with a couple for our first time. I don't really think singles get it. Not that we wouldn't want to play with them later, but we need people who understand the gravity behind sharing your spouse. At least it's a big deal to us.

 

I did notice a few guys staring, but I assumed it was because my tits were pretty prominent. I'm not used to dressing this way in public (I normally dress like a librarian, and not a sexy one.) So, to me, I kinda figured they were just lookin' at the goods that were out on display.

 

Women DO make the rules in the Lifestyle, and often they are the ones calling the shots on who plays and when. I'm not trying to throw it off on Mrs. JAPrufrock, but I'm guessing she isn't used to that yet, and her thinking guys aren't interested in her is actually guys thinking "I wish that one would hit on me" and the ball is staying in her court because the guys aren't going to jump over the net to go get it, they are waiting for her to hit them right in the forehead with it so there is no doubt left in their minds.

 

Well crap. I'm terrible at picking up signals, and even WORSE at flirting. :( Or maybe the right guy just hasn't caught my eye. Hopefully if I ever find someone that I'm attracted to, I'll be able to initiate some sort of conversation... but it would probably start with me saying hi to his wife...

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I don't want you to think that all singles don't get it. Some do but it mostly stems from swinging as a couple and they just happen to be swinging single now. We actually know of such a case and he knows the limits and boundaries. He talks to Mr. Sun and has no issues at all being the third when we invite him over.

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Mr. Prufrock and I went to Princeton the other night and it was... Meh at best. We were told by one of the guys we talked to that normally there are more people there (there weren't many, and even fewer couples). There was little to no sexual charge. Add to that the complete lack of interest for me. I know that it sounds really lame, but no one showed interest in me except for a REALLY drunk unicorn...

 

I'll set this up with the events of the evening. We show up to the club and there are way less people there than we expected. After talking to a couple of regulars they assured us that this was an unusually slow night, and that it's normally much more wild. "Fair enough," I thought, "We're still going to have a good time and try to talk to some people." After making some idle chit-chat with a few people ("Yes, we're newbies" and "Yes, this IS our first time to a sex club. Wahoo!")

 

I will confirm this happens at even the best clubs we go to. You walk in one night and the crowd and scene is just kinda...meh. Some nights just nothing seems to go right, other nights you can do no wrong.

 

I mean, chick was falling over drunk, and just came up and rubbed herself all over me. I felt cornered. She was there with her friend and their two guy friends, and all of them were nice, but it felt really weird.

 

This girl was in her early twenties, very beautiful, and also very clearly drunk. I don't know if I've encountered "drunk" like this before. It was a new species of "drunk." It was almost as if someone had shoved an entire bottle of vodka, a pound of speed, gasoline, and flaming wads of newspaper down this young girl's throat and then ran away behind an overturned table to see what happened next. She came over, mentioned something about her friend, and then wouldn’t stop talking. She talked insanely fast, asked questions that were immediately followed by other questions, and would unexpectedly yell and/or growl at the end of her sentences; "I'm just all, y'know, rrrraaaaauggggughrraawwwwl!!!" She asked us our names no less than five times, and introduced herself no less than 8, repeatedly reiterating the fact that she's A) Canadian, and B) Insanely drunk. We'll call her Drunk Canadian Girl(DCG).

 

 

Obviously the drunk thing is a drag. Hey, it happens in vanilla environments too. Ever spend time in Vegas, New Orleans, etc. Places where normal rational people seem to lose their minds and decide they can drink the entire bottle and still remain rational? The other thing I think occurs is a swing club is overwhelming for them, just like it's overwhelming for you. So people get shitfaced. I have seen couples come out every weekend and one of them basically gets blind drunk. Kinda part of heavy party scene. I do wonder if people don't take something more as well? A bit of a cocaine bump or something outside in the parking lot. I have certainly seen some really odd behavior, which I think would be easily explained by more than just alcohol. It could just be the environment though. I don't drink more than one or two if we go to a club and I am pretty jazzed up for the night, rarely sleep when I come home. So it could be a combination.

 

We got a tour of the upstairs and downstairs facility. Apparently I really am a prude, because we walked by a room where two people were going at it, and I immediately looked away and was like... "oh, look at this wallpaper. It is unique and wallpaper-y"( Maybe it was just because we were on a tour with one of the bouncers.) At that moment, it was intensely awkward for me. After I got home and thought about it, only then was it kind of a turn-on.

 

It's overwhelming the first time, that's for sure. It's not like a porno, or what you envision, is very real. I don't think you are alone with what you felt initially.

 

The difference, that I don't think I'm expressing very well to Mrs. Prufrock when she confessed her disappointment about last night, is that men (unless they're total assholes) play it cool with ladies when they're first meeting them, and that any obvious advances that the fellas there may have made were also deterred by the fact that we were very open about the fact that we're new and a little gun-shy. The general lack of men that Mrs. Prufrock found attractive was another issue, but it’s something she addressed herself in another thread. I think that men in the lifestyle, with a few exceptions, would never pull a woman who is there with her husband to the side and say, “I want to fuck you so bad. It would make my night if we could go get naked together right now.” There are ways to communicate that, which are way more acceptable, and involve a conversation with the husband too if he’s been sticking to her like glue all night long. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a newbie.

 

I would love to hear everyone else's thoughts on this. Do men and women, (single males, unicorns, and couples who play separately), show their interest in play partners differently when approaching new people in a club setting?

 

Guys are talking to you because they are interested in you. Nobody is spending time chatting with you that doesn't have some level of interest and curiosity. Yeah you get an off night and it can be hard on the ego. The fact that people (men) were chatting with you means they were interested. I am not chatting with anyone that I am not curious about. I can chat with my wife then. If they chat and you give them the whole newbie, just here to check out the scene dance, they get it and will be moving on.

 

I want to be clear that I don't expect guys lining up to talk to me, I'm not a vain person, and realize I'm average at best. But, you know, at least some level of interest would have been nice. We definitely went into the night knowing 100% that we weren't going to play, our expectation was to have fun, and we did, guess I just wish it had been a little more fun. We ended up going into the back room that is partially visible, but closed the door, and I gave Mr. Prufrock head (since it was a special occasion, and dastardly aunt flo was visiting again, I even swallowed. Normally we like to finish with him inside me.) That was honestly the best part of the night. I was too, err, involved in what I was doing to notice, but Mr. Prufrock said several people stopped to watch and it turned him on immensely.

 

ooohhh....tough timing...still sounds like you enjoyed the time with your husband.

 

What left a bad taste in my mouth (not including Mr. Prufrock ;) ) was how the Unicorn handled the whole situation. It felt so off. I'm happy to report when I came out of the bathroom and saw them sitting on a couch together I wasn't at all threatened. I knew that Mr. Prufrock would honor the boundaries we set. But it rubs me the wrong way that she would wait until I was gone to approach Mr. Prufrock. It felt... I don't know, underhanded. And the realization that she had kinda spent the whole evening trying to separate us (I'm pretty sure she asked DCG to come on to me, and then desperately tried to get her to take me to go talk to the DJ.) Am I being paranoid about this? Is this normally how Unicorns act?? I hate to label a whole group just by the actions of a few, but how she went about it really didn't sit right.

 

We try really hard not to let somebody else's boorish behavior define our night. I get it, it would have been more fun for you if she had been a sweeter honey. But she wasn't...So did you have a great time blowing your husband while being watched? I also get how one person's crummy behavior can upset a night. We do our best to make sure that doesn't happen. Men try and separate my wife from me regularly, in fact it's a really bad night when it doesn't happen. Have we had the opposite, yeah, but I think my wife scares them away, LOL...

 

I think in processing all of this you have decide is the high interaction level that comes from one of these events for you? We love it, but we do make sure that our excitement comes first. We are not stepping on any toes, but we are making sure we have fun.

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