Jump to content
anhela

First swinging experience - now he is not speaking to me

Recommended Posts

My first play party made me and my guy closer for about 24 hours, but he's not speaking to me now.

 

He's the swinger. We only knew each other about 9 months total, but I fell crazy for him. I hadn't gone out with anyone in about 5 years. After the few months of spending time together, he left the country one day for Asia I knew he wasn't coming back. I treated the time I was with him like a gift. Someone said like a summer romance.

 

He came back to my city for a visit two weeks ago. Called me and said I'm here - I invited him to stay and the lovefest was perfect. I again got to take care of him a bit. His next interest was going to a swinger party, something we couldn't do when he was here before. He was doing it partly for me, since I had wanted to try the (predictable!) woman thing and yeah, his talk about free love got to me in a good way. We went to a party and I never loved him more. He's the kind of man that hugged his cab driver goodbye- I saw out my window- like a long lost brother. He knew I was jittery and awkward and was awesome keeping me calm and comfy. Did I show my childlike dependent qualities at this point?

 

We mingled, we tried, but even I could see there was not much energy in the pre sex party of the party. We're warm, attractive in our 40's. I love meeting people but felt stressed I couldn't connect. (Tried to hard?) Well, BF said, lets do what we came here to do, and I said ok. We went to the bedroom, got undressed and just starting having sex. So mechanical. While another couple having sex on the bed next to us were writhing, fluids were flowing and moaning and black netting was involved. My bf gets all excited and asks me to keep going so he can keep watching them. I'm comfy naked, but as my bf gets super excited with more naked moving bodies coming in the room, I get a little panicky and want to go.

 

We do and walk away my anxiety over 50 blocks. But I said things I regret and he said I am a damsel in distress. So name calling happens and forgiveness and understanding doesn't. I like the part of me that knows that everyone is unique. I do get it. He hasn't spoken to me since. But i'm trying to not blame myself and I know I'm open.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm sorry your first time didn't end well. It sounds like your anxieties took over, which isn't uncommon. I think we all have a little bit of social issues and aren't totally comfortable in new situations. His pushing forward when you were pulling back didn't help things.

Share this post


Link to post

Anhela, it sound like you were curious but not really emotionally prepared for the experience. Julie is right, in that your partner was less attuned to your state of being, and more concerned about his personal gratification. If he doesn't come to understand that, then you're better off with someone who will put you first.

Share this post


Link to post

Hardest thing is to say no more to this guy but I have (and he's not speaking to me anyway). How do you get emotionally prepared? I do think our foundation wasn't there. I didn't want to be one of those couples that crash and burn because they can't communicate. oh well!

Share this post


Link to post

Sorry to hear that. I look at life this way. All our lives are just practices. Every relationship we have is practice for the next one. The mroe we practice the bette we get at them. Be they with one person or several.. Hey isnt this a swinger site? There are more men that want to swing than women. You are in control. Ask any of the woman here and they will tell you.

Good luck.

 

M and N

Share this post


Link to post
Hardest thing is to say no more to this guy but I have (and he's not speaking to me anyway). How do you get emotionally prepared? I do think our foundation wasn't there. I didn't want to be one of those couples that crash and burn because they can't communicate. oh well!

 

I think a lot of it comes from a well grounded relationship. I don't think your relationship was really ready for this. Long distance relationships are difficult at best, trying to add swinging into them can sometimes be the last straw.

Share this post


Link to post
I think a lot of it comes from a well grounded relationship. I don't think your relationship was really ready for this. Long distance relationships are difficult at best, trying to add swinging into them can sometimes be the last straw.

 

I'd like add an update. We are talking again. He wants to come back and try another experience. It seems unrealistic when he lives in Asia. I don't want the fling if he visits once a year. I loved him and thought we were dating, but I don't see how that could be a possibility. He surprised me with this last visit which made me think he had other plans that fell through.

Share this post


Link to post
I'd like add an update. We are talking again. He wants to come back and try another experience. It seems unrealistic when he lives in Asia. I don't want the fling if he visits once a year. I loved him and thought we were dating, but I don't see how that could be a possibility. He surprised me with this last visit which made me think he had other plans that fell through.

 

He's stringing you along and using you for his needs. I would recommend staying away from him.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...