Jump to content
NYFlirts

Drinking - What to make of girls that need to drink before playing?

Recommended Posts

I'm (the Mr.) getting a bit self-conscious about this. I don't drink (never have... just doesn't appeal to me) and it seems like a bunch of the girls we're out with are drinking before / during play.

 

I have no idea if they are drinking before each play-date or just with me. It just seems odd that they feel like they need to drink to have a good time.

 

What do you all think? Is it no big deal? Do you or your spouse "need" to drink before play or know people that do?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

It's not a question need, but the alcohol can reduce inhibitions. My wife is pretty shy/quiet, but if she has a drink or two she will relax and let her wild side out. Has she played without drinking, sure. I would not read much into it. Can a person go overboard with that..yep.

Share this post


Link to post

So, is there a way to differentiate if a woman is drinking because:

 

1) I don't want to do this, but my husband is pressuring me, so I drink to dull my senses.

2) I'm not attracted to this guy right now, but if I drink enough, I eventually will be!

3) I tend to be a bit shy, reserved, overthinking, etc. and drink to either come out of my shell a bit and/or relax and take the edge off.

Share this post


Link to post

I think it's mostly 'liquid courage', especially for beginners. And, if you think about it, it's not just in swinging either. We've had lots of vanilla friends who become a lot more fun after a few drinks. I think that the fact you don't drink makes if more suspicious for you.

Share this post


Link to post
So, is there a way to differentiate if a woman is drinking because:

 

1) I don't want to do this, but my husband is pressuring me, so I drink to dull my senses.

2) I'm not attracted to this guy right now, but if I drink enough, I eventually will be!

3) I tend to be a bit shy, reserved, overthinking, etc. and drink to either come out of my shell a bit and/or relax and take the edge off.

 

Unless you are a mind reader no. But typically when we meet people did the first time you can gauge the interest level or if the person seems uncomfortable. If the person is sloshed well before play time then we would probably pass.

 

Do you have a reason to feel that the women are not into you? (Beyond the drinking)

 

Also many times one can over think things. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar ;)

Share this post


Link to post

It's not just the women. When we first started out we were social drinkers and yes, a few glasses of wine when meeting or before play did help loosen us up and more able to do what we were about to do.

 

We became teetotalers a few years ago due to health concerns and no longer consider it a necessary part of social interaction. As mentioned already, alcohol seems to be more a requirement for beginners and we have found relaying on too much drink and the LS don't mix.

 

Nothing worse than being with a couple where the guy can't perform or the women is like a zombie being fucked because they needed more than their limit to be comfortable which also leaves one of you out of play. It also gives you that insecure ego-deflating thought in the back of your mind of are they only doing this with you because they are boozed up and thus would they still be if they were sober?

Share this post


Link to post

There's partiers in vanilla and the swinging world. I would not take it as a personal foul against you. Some people just go overboard. And I agree if the woman is too drunk its no fun. And for most guys even few drinks can impact performance. Fine reason n to say no thanks or another time.

Share this post


Link to post

Their is a difference between drinking and being drunk. A little can help relax the socially tight, and I think is fine. Getting drunk though is different and asking for drama and possible issues.

Share this post


Link to post

Great stuff, thanks everybody!

 

The topic was brought up again today. We're meeting with a couple tomorrow and we asked what time we should come by. They said, "How about 7:00 so we can have a few drinks before you get here."

 

 

 

Do you have a reason to feel that the women are not into you? (Beyond the drinking)

 

I'm always pretty self-critical, so that definitely isn't helping my perception. With that said, even though I'm not the best looking guy in the room, we do get enough first dates and recurring dates that I can step out of my

 

Also many times one can over think things. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar ;)

 

Who me, overthink things?!?! Um, 100% of the time, all the time.

 

Ironically, I've had a handful of people suggest that I personally should start drinking to lower my level of anxiety / overthinking.

Share this post


Link to post

Agreeing with most posters here. I drink, but I don't (at least I try not to) get drunk.

 

If she's starting to slur her words, she's drank too much

If she can't walk a straight line, she's drank too much

 

There is a difference between drinking and drunk, like Chicup said. I won't do drunk.

Share this post


Link to post

We drink because we like to drink, there is no other reason, it isn't a statement on whatever else we're doing or who we're with.

Share this post


Link to post
We drink because we like to drink, there is no other reason, it isn't a statement on whatever else we're doing or who we're with.

 

I have to say, this is exactly how we are.

Share this post


Link to post
So, is there a way to differentiate if a woman is drinking because:

 

1) I don't want to do this, but my husband is pressuring me, so I drink to dull my senses.

2) I'm not attracted to this guy right now, but if I drink enough, I eventually will be!

3) I tend to be a bit shy, reserved, overthinking, etc. and drink to either come out of my shell a bit and/or relax and take the edge off.

 

4) I really love (insert your favorite drink here), since I am out late tonight and do not have to be anywhere early or have to work, or have the kids to practice, mow the law (you get my drift), then I might have a couple or three drinks this evening.

 

 

My wife and I rarely drink. But when we know we are staying out late (usually very late when swinging) and we don't have to drive (because we are already in the hotel room) we will have a few drinks over the course of the evening. It has nothing to do with our desire (or lack there of) toward the other couple. If we do drink enough to go over the .08 legal limit (which doesn't take much), it is more than enough for us not to drive, it is no where near enough to change our opinion or desires towards another couple. I may be more relaxed and she may be more chatty, but never out of control.

 

The question was loaded from the perspective of the only reason people drink is something is wrong (with them or with you). A few drinks over several hours should not, in and of itself, cause you to think any of the things you mentioned. But there are plenty of other tell tale signs that would give you clues, regardless if they are stone cold sober or have had a few.

 

Falling down drunk is another issue entirely. At that point it is less about why they are drinking and more about why am I still standing trying to have a conversation. Inebriation is generally very unattractive.

Share this post


Link to post

I like to drink because I like the way it makes me feel. I like to drink when I eat good food because for me it makes everything taste better. I like to dance when I'm drinking; I'm not self conscious and it's fun. I like to have sex when I'm drinking, I just like the feeling. It's kind of the same way with swinging. I can do all these things without drinking and they go just fine. I pretty much only drink when we are out with friends.

 

I think I'm more forward with men when I'm drinking, but generally if someone is not attractive to me sober, they are not much better when I'm drinking. I will kiss lots of people when I'm drinking, but I most likely wouldn't play with them. I would never drink to try to get through playing with someone.

 

I do get buzzed very easily so I have to be careful. If I'm dizzy sex is no fun.

 

Most people we know who swing drink quite a bit when they go out. Sometimes the girls (and guys) do get quite drunk. I overdo it sometimes too. It's more just the party atmosphere than trying to make yourself forget or do something you wouldn't normally.

 

Basically, I don't think you need to worry in your situation. If the sex is good and she isn't falling down drunk, I would say she is into you and just likes to party.

Share this post


Link to post

For some people it is a need in the sense of "id never do this without being tipsy" and thats not a good thing. for others, like myself, its a "i have social anxiety and a drink or two lets me relax" (not getting drunk mind you, but one or two drinks).

 

If they do it just to try and relax, dont worry. and honestly...as long as you are both having fun/no drama...dont over think it. only worry if drama happens or some other thing to make you wonder about continuing with them.

Share this post


Link to post

I dont *need* it, i drink because it helps with everything.

I find most men physically unattractive. Personality goes a long way, but its the drink that kind of makes people look better some how. Sometimes when i have woken up like in a hotel room after drinking the previous night, i wake up look at him to think to myself "wow he is ugly" or "im sure he didnt look that ugly when we were talking".

Or like when he strips off naked revealing a load of fat, when ive had a drink i can see through that and enjoy the sex.

 

My boyfriend has a very ugly body in terms of fat and excess skin, i dont tell him i find it ugly i say i really dont mind. I didnt need a drink when i first met him because we met via my husband who introduced us, we got on really well, he just happened to be seriously amazing in bed that i agreed to see him again.

 

Older men (age 60+?) tend to be less hygienic in terms of smell. The drink numbs the stench a little.

 

If he is "hung like a donkey" then the drink helps me to relax more to accommodate more of his size.

 

Things like those is why i enjoy drinking alcohol, plus the taste obviously. I just dont drink a lot because i hate being stupidly drunk.

Share this post


Link to post
I dont *need* it, i drink because it helps with everything.

I find most men physically unattractive. Personality goes a long way, but its the drink that kind of makes people look better some how. Sometimes when i have woken up like in a hotel room after drinking the previous night, i wake up look at him to think to myself "wow he is ugly" or "im sure he didnt look that ugly when we were talking".

Or like when he strips off naked revealing a load of fat, when ive had a drink i can see through that and enjoy the sex.

 

My boyfriend has a very ugly body in terms of fat and excess skin, i dont tell him i find it ugly i say i really dont mind. I didnt need a drink when i first met him because we met via my husband who introduced us, we got on really well, he just happened to be seriously amazing in bed that i agreed to see him again.

 

Older men (age 60+?) tend to be less hygienic in terms of smell. The drink numbs the stench a little.

 

If he is "hung like a donkey" then the drink helps me to relax more to accommodate more of his size.

 

Things like those is why i enjoy drinking alcohol, plus the taste obviously. I just dont drink a lot because i hate being stupidly drunk.

 

hmmm if I had to have liquid courage to get past an attraction issue it's time for me to hang things up. For me (and my wife) this is supposed to be an all around enjoyable experience.

Share this post


Link to post

We could add this to things you don't want to hear in swinging.

 

"You are seriously ugly, lemme have a few drinks."

Share this post


Link to post

It's no big deal to me(us) as long as they are conscious:) I don't think it's a matter of needing to, some people drink when they are having fun, partying, and I think swinging counts as partying. I've had a spontaneous encounter while I was totally sober and the experience was just as fun and exciting.

Share this post


Link to post
We could add this to things you don't want to hear in swinging.

 

"You are seriously ugly, lemme have a few drinks."

 

Beer Goggles. :)

Share this post


Link to post

This one time we were in a group and this SUPER hot girl was pretty f'ed up on something a bit more powerful than alcohol. She was with another guy and they were about to go at it when she said something outloud totally random like, "Is Janet going to pick up her typewriter?" Nobody knows anybody named Janet, and she was obviously completely rolling. I was impressed when the guy said, "Sorry, I just can't do this with a girl that is this f'ed up!"

Share this post


Link to post

I don't drink a hell of a lot and when it comes to play, I don't have a drop. I don't need Dutch courage to play and am naturally chatty. However sometimes I am slow off the starting line. I've never been that good at showing that I am ready to play before we hit the bedroom so as to speak. Maybe a drink or two could help me with that, but I have nerves everytime it's a new play meet. Then again, I did have one drink before my first play meet and I wasn't any quicker off the starting line compared to subsequent play meets. As for hubby, he has 2-3 drinks and doesn't ever get drunk. Our opinion is if you have to get drunk before or during a play meet, then play will not happen or continue. It just doesn't feel right to do so and it's not sexy at all.

Share this post


Link to post

Drinking and swinging tend to go together. Most swingers drink (at least a little) and the younger the swingers, the more likely that they will want a drink in order to "relax" and feel comfortable before jumping into play.

 

I definitely wouldn't take it personal, or think that it is any mark against you or their desire to play with you. For most, drinking is generally a social activity. Most of us have been doing it since before we were old enough. It loosens us up and allows us to move past our inhibitions a little faster. Think about sex when dating, and how it moves at a different speed / comfort level than sex when swinging and you can see how some may want something to loosen them up a little more and "lubricate" things a bit.

Share this post


Link to post

We also have found the younger the swingers, the more likely they are to use E or the like too. Only time we have encountered it in the LS has been with the under 30 crowd.

Share this post


Link to post
We could add this to things you don't want to hear in swinging.

 

"You are seriously ugly, lemme have a few drinks."

 

Now that was funny. :)

Share this post


Link to post

My lady and I have not had any experiences yet, but we do like to drink, and I finds it helps me last longer in the sack then when completely sober. Obviously too much can have the quite opposite effect (for me). Being completely new to this, I would definitely want a few drinks to loosen up.

Share this post


Link to post
We also have found the younger the swingers, the more likely they are to use E or the like too. Only time we have encountered it in the LS has been with the under 30 crowd.

 

We're running into e usage more often and I guess not-surprisingly with the same crowd that is into dom, spanking, choking, etc.

Share this post


Link to post
We're running into e usage more often and I guess not-surprisingly with the same crowd that is into dom, spanking, choking, etc.

 

Perhaps you two should find another group to swing with that isn't into heavy drinking, BSDM or choking, and don't use drugs.

Share this post


Link to post

Sun; NYFlirts didn't say they disliked it, they just commented about running into them more often. For some, drinking BSDM and some other aspects are fine with them. Not picking a side here at all, just stating the obvious; they didn't express any discomfort about it.. LOL just depends on your kink.

Share this post


Link to post
junglecouple said:
Sun; NYFlirts didn't say they disliked it, they just commented about running into them more often. For some, drinking BSDM and some other aspects are fine with them. Not picking a side here at all, just stating the obvious; they didn't express any discomfort about it.. LOL just depends on your kink.

 

Jungle, I'm not saying that NYFlirts is saying that he dislikes either. I'm going by his initial posting:

 

NYFlirts said:
I'm (the Mr.) getting a bit self-conscious about this. I don't drink (never have... just doesn't appeal to me) and it seems like a bunch of the girls we're out with are drinking before / during play.

 

and one of his other threads "Why are so many women into choking / being choked? Lots also into pain / domination".

 

It sounds like he just isn't a drinker, social or otherwise, and he isn't comfortable around those that do drink or are into rough play. Combining how closely these posts were created and his seeming discomfort (to me) about these two aspects of swinging, I suggested that he and his wife might want to try a different circle of swingers that are more inline with their own personal tastes in terms of non-drinking and non-BSDM.

Share this post


Link to post
NYFlirts said:
We're running into e usage more often and I guess not-surprisingly with the same crowd that is into dom, spanking, choking, etc.

My naivety with the drug culture is showing, because I always thought E made the user feel extra lovey, huggy, and one with their, well, everyone. Never heard of it being a BDSM thing.

Share this post


Link to post

We don't drink, do drugs, etc., but we're perfectly fine with others if they do it... as long as it isn't in total excess where they are hurting themselves or other people. Sometimes it's a little uncomfortable with people who go over the edge and go crazy, but again, we try not to judge or make them feel like we're judging them.

Share this post


Link to post
So, is there a way to differentiate if a woman is drinking because:

 

1) I don't want to do this, but my husband is pressuring me, so I drink to dull my senses.

2) I'm not attracted to this guy right now, but if I drink enough, I eventually will be!

3) I tend to be a bit shy, reserved, overthinking, etc. and drink to either come out of my shell a bit and/or relax and take the edge off.

 

4) My life is a train wreck already, fuck it, let me drink, I don't care. And when I am drunk I do really stupid things.

 

That was was, unfortunately, witnessed.

Share this post


Link to post

I don’t think I need to drink to swing, nor do I need to drink on occasion after work or with/after dinner. However, a good drink can taste good and be soothing and relaxing. I also get more chatty and my inhibitions are more relaxed after a few drinks, this is true inside or outside of swinging. I’m not going to get loaded to the point of being sloppy when meeting someone new, but I will have two or three drinks to help me relax.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...