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Hi all. About a month and a half ago hubby and I met this REALLY hot couple and we really hit it off with them. They said they wanted to take things slow which was fine. During that time we only saw each other twice, not a lot of communication outside of that. Then hubby did a real knucklehead thing and posted something really stupid on the website we met them on ended up turning them off just when they were ready to move forward with us :( I was so upset because I was really looking forward to having a lot of fun with them. We tried explaining that the thing he posted was not us at all but they wouldn't hear any of it. I think we can woo them back but just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to do this. I really think the 4 of us could have something really great together, they just need to know us better as people and not judge us from something stupid on a website. Any advice is appreciated!

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What did he do, Blondie? That would be vital information when making suggestions.

 

Alura

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Sorry, I'm not really up to date on SLS. What's a "hot date ad?"

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Was the ad offensive or did it have an attitude that you two don't really feel shown in it?

 

I guess I don't understand what could be put in an ad that would turn someone completely against you unless it showed potential risk (saying you wanted bareback play for example) or really poor taste (no real example here).

 

Is there a reason you want to woo this couple so badly? Why not move on to someone new who isn't going to judge you so harshly for one poor choice? If you're really set on winning this people back, I would proceed cautiously. In this situation it would be easy for you to come off as clingy or overly attached.

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Sorry, I'm not really up to date on SLS. What's a "hot date ad?"

 

It's like a "booty call" type thing, where you can post "we are available tonight" basically.

 

Was it the fact that he posted it at all that bugged them or did he put something really crude in it?

 

Unfortunately, when people don't know you they will judge you based on what you put out there (if they see it). And once they've done so I don't know that there is a way to undo things. If it was us and we were REALLY interested in you and good to go, and we saw a post like that (something outside your actual profile) that was a red flag for us, then we'd probably be forgiving and give a second chance. However, if we were borderline and could go either way, it would likely send us over the edge towards a No.

 

The thought that just crossed my mind was did he post in the "hot date" that he was bi? This is such a hot button for so many people and so many couples (unfortunately) do end up lying about it in their profile, that I could see where seeing it in a hot date for a couple and then having them say it was "just a joke" would leave most people thinking "yeah right".

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We all make mistakes, that is how we learn in life.

 

Don't fret over it and move on. There are millions of fun loving people in this world.

 

When we do dumb things like that it shows who we really are so look at it as something to work on and have fun.

 

Don't spend time thinking about sex you did not get, there is plenty more out there to be had. :lol:

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It basically had an attitude that we really don't feel. I do feel we were judged harshly and part of me says "screw them", no pun intended, lol! And they other part of me says that we have a lot and common and could have a great time. We do plan on proceeding cautiously. Just seeing if anyone else had similar experience.

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It basically had an attitude that we really don't feel. I do feel we were judged harshly and part of me says "screw them", no pun intended, lol! And they other part of me says that we have a lot and common and could have a great time. We do plan on proceeding cautiously. Just seeing if anyone else had similar experience.

 

We accidentally pissed a couple off once over a very small thing. Well, I guess I should say that I pissed a couple off (Mrs. cupl was innocent). We had been chatting for a long time and everything seemed great. We had tried to set up meets on several different occasions but something always came up for either us or them. Well the last time our plans went awry I said something very tongue in cheek like, "It seems like we are never gonna meet god damn it." I was totally joking, but somehow the joking nature did not come across and they soured on us quickly. We kind of stopped hearing from them. I wrote them a message apologizing, but they just really cooled on us. 2 years later out of the blue they contact us to tell us that they overreacted and would love to meet up with us.

 

Sometimes people are too easily offended. If you really want to try to woo them back, it may take some time. I would suggest you simply send them a message that says your husband really is sorry and was just being silly, and if they would like to meet again sometime that you guys are still up for it. Then just leave the ball in their court to contact you again, or not. There are lots of swinging fish in the sea, don't worry too much about one getting away. Plus, you never know they may just come back around in a month, or a year. :)

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We had to develop an attitude to let the bad experiences go. Not to dwell on them and move on to the next.

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Thanks everyone. Cupl4fun your situation sounds almost just like ours. I'm hoping they come back around. We were thinking of asking them to dinner in about a month or so. Just as friends, no pressure.

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We all have probably said something that cooled someone's interest in us at one time or another. Moving on is the best thing to do. As others have said, the couple may come around in time or after giving it more thought realize it wasn't that big of a deal. I am not sure I'd pursue them at all.

 

We were at a couples party once and the host wife mentioned she was unable to play as Mother Nature was visiting. She was trying to talk the ladies into playing with her man, apparently she felt since there was no swap most couples wouldn't want to party with them. I started talking to her about it, she joked about being 'the fluffer', I like her husband and said quite innocently something to the effect of "we could be interested, we like threesomes". Wow, you'd have thought I bit the head off a chicken or something. She not so politely told me that they ONLY played with couples and as a couple and did I know this was a couples party? I asked her later what I said that was so wrong, but she blew me off.

 

Unfortunately, they have frequent parties and know just about all the swingers in the area. Our dance card has been a little slower since then and I have to wonder if others have been told about our interaction and if it was placed in a negative light. We'd be unlikely to attend another of their parties or otherwise try to get with them because I don't feel what I said was wrong.

 

The moral of my story is if this couple can't see past your husband's joke (or whatever it was), are they the kind of people you really want to associate with? Life's too short to chase people down, there are a lot of people available in swingerland, no need to focus on this one couple.

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"To err is human." An error was made either in the posting, or in the response, or in both. This is a learning experience. The best you can do is say "I'm sorry, we made a mistake, please forgive." And then move on.

 

As VegasLee points out, there is so much opportunity on the horizon, move on. If you were really meant to be together, the other couple will resurface. Otherwise live, laugh and learn.

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You broke your screw-up cherry. We all do at some point :)

 

We have both screwed up quite a few times in our swinging life. But you know what? Neither has made the same mistake twice. We acknowledge and own our fuck up, learn from it, and then move on.

 

You've been given some great advice already, so don't be too hard on yourself (him), and move forward.

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Best advice we ever got was if there is an attraction, hurry and do each other before someone opens their mouth and turns ya off.

 

At least that way ya have fun first :D

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Well, for the future, you know moving slow has lots of bumps in the road and anyone you go slow with, is an "maybe someday" we will play.

 

Don't kick yourself over slow folks going slow and hunting for reasons not to play!

 

When we heard that advice, we were newbies and thinking "get to know people first" :lol: We talked it over and decided to aim for faster action. It has been a great way to have fun without looking for reasons to not play!

 

It does make us happy sluts who sometimes do not even know the others names. :D

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I can attest to this. We were really getting pretty close to a couple that was quite a find. Mrs. P and the other lady seemed to be getting along quite well and then all of the sudden *BAM*, the other lady quickly said, in paraphrase, "NOT interested" and disappeared.

 

The bottom line is this, if they offend so easily at one little thing, perhaps it's better off you didn't get together with them in the first place. We've been around long enough to realize that the ratio of actual "swingers" to "experimenters" or "dreamers" runs at about 20:1, at least on SLS. You just have to be prepared to go through a lot of oysters to find a few pearls, but it's worth it when you find people you click with!

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There's too much ass out there to worry about this piece.

 

Because if something this simple ticks them off, then something else just as petty would have just a bit down the road. You didn't mention how long you've been swinging, but I get the impression it has not been very long (feel free to correct me).

 

As you move about in the LS you'll develop thicker skin and lower tolerance. We had a couple we met in January. Things went well after two meetings (both impromptu). We invited them to the hotel we'd reserved at the end of the month and the day of they backed out. We tried setting something up a few times in the weeks afterward, and there was always something going on. Though we thought there was a spark they were flaking out on us. So we stopped trying and moved on.

 

Alas we were all invited to the same party last week. They contacted us saying "So glad to see you're going. Hope we can spend some quality time together!"

 

Stuff happens. People happen. The more you invest into chasing people around, the more it becomes "drama". Put your energies elsewhere. If they come around, they come around. Don't put your adventures on hold waiting. That's the best advice I can offer you.

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The downside of electronic communication is that things can easily be misinterpreted. Unfortunately, such misinterpretations can put the kibosh on potential play partners. The good news is that there are plenty of other folks out there. So shrug this one off, move on, and just watch what ya' post next time when "wooing" a new couple.

 

Best of luck to ya'll,

 

=)

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