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We just got back from our favorite lifestyle resort, where we encountered a unique situation and are hoping for some dissection here.

 

The resort we frequent is outdoor, fully nude, and very lifestyle/sexual. This weekend's weather was bad, so there were few couples. We were hanging out in the jacuzzi when a new couple arrived. They had a room next to the jacuzzi, and after settling into their room, they joined us in the water. We started chatting with them, and seemed to have a good connection. We were both attracted to them, and seemingly them to us.

 

After a couple of hours of talking, we asked them if they would like to go to dinner with us. They said they would. Meanwhile, several other couples joined us it the jacuzzi and we were all chatting. At some point we went to the pool to cool off a little, and stayed there for about fifteen minutes. While we were there, we noticed "our" couple clothed and heading out for dinner.

 

We decided to go out then as well, and dressed and left. We got to our favorite restaurant (about half a mile away) and the other couple was there. They called us over to their table and invited us to join them, which we did. We had good a conversation with them over dinner, then left to go back to the resort.

 

After we got back, my wife and I went to the playroom and had sex before going back to the jacuzzi. When we got to the jacuzzi, another couple complimented us on our energetic lovemaking, and basically gave a play-by-play account to everyone else.

 

From here, the evening got weird for us. The couple we liked was chatting with another couple a lot, and we kept trying to remain in the conversation, but seemed to keep talking to their backs. After awhile, they started talking about going to the pool to cool off. We left, saying we'd get the migration started. After hanging out in the pool for about half an hour by ourselves, we went back to the jacuzzi. The minute we got there, the two couples left the jacuzzi for the pool. We stayed for awhile talking with another couple, and later the four of us decided to go back to the pool. Again, the minute the we got there, the other couples left for the jacuzzi. At this point we were checking each others breath and looking for obvious problems.

 

Later, we were back in the jacuzzi and saw "our" couple with the other couple in one of their rooms.

 

Our feelings were not hurt by this entire interaction, because we go to have great sex with each other in a fantastic environment, which we did several times. Hooking up with other couples is just icing on the cake. We were, however, confused by the sudden rude treatment from a couple that we had a seemingly good connection with.

 

A couple of additional facts. The couple we liked had lifestyle experience, but no nude experience. We have lots of nude experience but much less swinging experience. The couple that "our" couple ended up with also had no nudist experience. In fact, both couples remained in robes whenever out of the water. Also, we have been to this resort many times, and are good friends with both the owners and the staff. Both other couples were there for the first time, and had flown in from distant places.

 

We analyzed this experience on the way home and each of us had a different take on the sudden change. Dr H (Mrs) believes that the public sex display on the playbed was the instigator. To support this is the fact that neither couple seemed to be that comfortable being publicly nude, and may have extended that belief to public nude sex. I (Mr H) think that they simply decided they had more in common with and/or liked the other couple more. Neither explains the sudden rude snubbing, however.

 

Any thoughts?

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You two did nothing wrong. Without talking to the other couples involved, there is no way of knowing why it worked out as it did. So don't worry about it, the two of you had a great time together and that is what is important.

 

S

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It just sounds like the couple you were interested in discovered this other couple after they met you and decided they liked them or had more in common with them, for whatever reason. Maybe your couple had a chance to talk to each other after dinner and one or both of them decided they weren't interested. Not a big deal really, we've seen this hot and cold sort of behavior before. It sounds like you still had a good time though! ;)

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The only thing you did wrong was assuming that they were "your" couple. I'd say that most likely they just got to talking with the other couple and clicked better than they did with you.

 

It's possible that since you had pretty much assumed they were yours that you may have overly inserted yourself into situations making them feel even less comfortable with you (feeling like maybe you were following them around a bit, or "clinging").

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Both other couples were there for the first time, and had flown in from distant places.

 

Something else to consider - maybe they all discovered that they lived closer to each other than they did to you, and therefore it was more likely that they could get together again. Driving for a couple of hours to be with friends is a lot easier than hopping on a plane. Maybe they just thought that they had a better chance of staying friends with the other couple because of the distances involved.

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Another great time for a sports analogy. Picture the 100 m dash in the olympics. 10 of the fastest humans on the planet line up, the gun goes off and they all sprint for the finish line. One of them comes in first place and one of them comes in dead last. The winner gets the glory and the loser gets nothing however the loser was only a few feet and couple 100ths of a second behind the winner. The last place runner probably didn't do anything wrong, he/she was just edged out by someone who ran a couple 100ths of a second faster that day.

 

We have never been to a LS resort but we go to clubs at least monthly and we have been edged out many dozens if not hundreds of times just as you described here. This couple may have enjoyed your company and thought you were great people but they were a couple 100ths of a second more attracted to or comfortable with the other couple. Maybe the other couple had two less or two more pounds, maybe the other fem had a better pedicure or the male had slightly bluer eyes. Maybe "your" couple has no idea why they prefered their company over yours but they just did.

 

If your gut tells you it was your more open nature towards public nudity and sex you are probably correct. Since you got it on in an open play area perhaps they feared that if you wanted to play with them that you would want to play in an open area and they prefered to play behind closed doors in private. Who knows? Either way you can only be yourself and if one couple doesn't like that, another one will.

 

I agree with Julie, if you made any kind of error at all it was in assuming they were "your" couple. You can never assume anything or allow your expectations to get out of control.

 

Always keep your mind and your eyes open. While you were focused on trying to get this couple, you may have overlooked a perfectly nice naked couple banging one out in the play area that may have been closer to your level of preference.

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Guest screaminggood

You did nothing wrong.... NEAR MISSES:

 

I was on the other end of your spectrum this weekend. I was dancing simultaneously with three different women, and liked all three! I was thinking of asking about an orgy when the song ended. I went to get water from the bar....an attractive single guy (Louis are you out there?) said hello (and I've been regretting ever since that I didn't tell him, "I'm hooking up with a lady tonight, but I'd love to see you on a different Friday night.")

 

I went back to the dance floor, we four women were dancing again. Two of the women left for whatever reason. I was left with one very aggressive bi-fem. Since I'm bi-furious myself, and hadn't had a "good female" in a long time, when the offer came, we went to a playroom.

 

When we were done, I saw one of the other women looking at us. IT WAS SIMPLY A NEAR MISS because I was just as attracted to the other two women and the single man, but I went with the one that offered! Hopefully, I'll see the other women and the guy a different night because I'd love to explore with them as well....it was just a matter of how things progressed that night.

 

And yes, when it rains, it pours because the last couple of times we've been out, we haven't met anyone with which to play!

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Thanks for all the responses on this.

 

Another possibility we are considering is that they thought we were "players" because we go there so much and are so familiar with the staff, etc. Maybe that combined with our public play scared them off.

 

In fact, we are nowhere near players. Dr. H is very picky, and we often only play together. It was a little disappointing that she really liked him, and was ready to play. She then had to take it out on me :D

 

Just for the record, we didn't actually consider them "our" couple. I was just referring to them that way for this thread so as to avoid the "Couple #1, #2" type of description.

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We learned early on in our swinging life to not expect anything.

 

Don't expect to play, but if it happens, that's icing. Don't expect you'll find a great couple or single, and then when you do, it's icing. There are many bonuses to swinging if you keep the "no expectations" in mind.

 

We've had many icings in our three years, and gone with no expectations. It's always been OK too, because the only expectation we have at the end of the evening is that we're together and make love before sleep comes. Best icing there is. :)

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You did nothing wrong.... NEAR MISSES:

 

IT WAS SIMPLY A NEAR MISS because I was just as attracted to the other two women and the single man, but I went with the one that offered! Hopefully, I'll see the other women and the guy a different night because I'd love to explore with them as well....it was just a matter of how things progressed that night.

 

 

This is a great point too. This concept probably applies to a million different situations all over the world every day. No matter how much attraction and chemistry there is between people, in the end someone has to make the offer and people often go with a 'Sure Thing' vs a 'Maybe' even though the 'maybe' is perfectly acceptable and perhaps sometimes even more prefered.

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Don't overthink the situation. For whatever reason, the couple you liked decided to play with another couple instead of you. It happens. Similar things have happened to us at clubs and lifestyle resorts, but all you can do is focus on searching for another couple.

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I agree with the others but just wanted to say that, from your description, I don't see that anyone did anything rude. What happened sounds pretty normal to me, and if they were experienced swingers, I doubt they thought you were "players", or overly experienced swingers. The fact is, experienced swingers wouldn't have had the experience you did, because at the first hint that they were going for the other couple, the experienced swinger would have moved on and given them their space.

 

We will often go to a club and visit with various folks until we find someone we both seem to hit it off with. What separates the experienced swingers from the less experienced folks, is that once the other folks we were visiting with see we have begun to "hook up" with someone, the experienced folks will butt out and give us our space, while the less experienced folks will tend follow us around and insert themselves in our conversations. The trick is, to be able to recognize when you have been dumped for someone else and move on (that seems overly blunt, but I couldn't think of a better way to put it). In fact, how you handle that may determine if you get to play with that couple someday down the road or not. For us, someone who is unskilled in this regard, and dogs us after we have obviously moved on, will rarely get a chance with us later.

 

Keep in mind that different couples are like different flavors of ice cream. Some nights you have a craving for chocolate, the next night you may prefer rocky road. So just because someone doesn't hook up with you one night doesn't mean it will never happen. In other words, this does not necessarily mean they don't like you, or are not interested in hooking up with you, they just preferred to hook up with the other couple that night.

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We are still very new to this but my take on it is that you don't have to do anything 'wrong' for things to not go 'right'. What I mean is that when one couple is relating to another there is so much that has to align for there to be a good match. It's doubly difficult as a traditional one on one date! It's natural to want to figure out where you went wrong but in this situation you probably can't, nor would it be helpful to pinpoint why this couple suddenly cooled off on you.

 

Honestly, it just sounds like the other couple was rather immature in handling this situation. It would have been nicer to let you down more definitively rather than avoiding you. It sounds like you two are respectful and fun so no worries and better luck next time.

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There is nothing wrong with being "rejected" it happens.... Not everything is going to work out all the time, it just one of those life things and surely doesn't mean your breath stinks or you have to much body hair....

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Honestly, it just sounds like the other couple was rather immature in handling this situation. It would have been nicer to let you down more definitively rather than avoiding you. It sounds like you two are respectful and fun so no worries and better luck next time.

I have to ask, have you ever seen anyone let someone down more definitively? I never have. We have been actively swinging for 6 or 7 years and in all instances that I have been involved in or have witnessed, it was done just the way the OP described what happened with them.

 

Frankly, when we are busy trying to set something up with someone, the last thing on my mind is to go to someone we had been previously visiting with, but had made no commitment to, and tell them we aren't interested in hooking up with them that night. In fact, to do that would seem extremely awkward to me, as it demands I first make the assumption that their was some implied commitment with them to begin with.

 

On the contrary, I don't think this couple was being immature, unless the OP left something out. While it sometimes sucks to be the one passed up on, this is the way it is normally done. As I say, unless the OP left out a point when one couple or the other asked to hook up for play that day, I don't see that their is any better way the other couple could have handled it, and their is surely no indication that they were some how obligated to handle it any differently than they did.

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While it sometimes sucks to be the one passed up on, this is the way it is normally done. As I say, unless the OP left out a point when one couple or the other asked to hook up for play that day, I don't see that their is any better way the other couple could have handled it, and their is surely no indication that they were some how obligated to handle it any differently than they did.

I'm with Good Times on this one. We might be talking to someone and hoping that they're interested, but if they start heavily flirting with or otherwise appear to be focused on someone else (or just not on us), I think the message is usually pretty clear and doesn't imply any disrespect.

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Another possibility we are considering is that they thought we were "players" because we go there so much and are so familiar with the staff, etc.

 

In fact, we are nowhere near players. Dr. H is very picky, and we often only play together. It was a little disappointing that she really liked him, and was ready to play.

 

Just for the record, we didn't actually consider them "our" couple. I was just referring to them that way for this thread so as to avoid the "Couple #1, #2" type of description.n

 

Not being there to see all the dynamics, it's only a guessing game, but did you consider that maybe after so much chat they may have felt that nothing was going to happen and they wanted more of a signal that play might evolve? Nothing is more direct than, 'hey you guys wanna come up to our room for a little fun?' Being more direct may have yielded better results or at least you would have known if they're into you guys or not.

 

Having been to resorts, conventions and clubs what comes to mind is that a certain level of openness crosses all boundaries; everyones having a great time, lots of laughs, tons of openness whether you're attracted to them or not (not talking sex either; Hedo frolics in the nude pool during the day is coming to mind here :) ) , but also you state above about being picky and often playing solo; is it possible that you guys were giving non verbal cues about selectivity that may have turned couple #1 off? We've seen it happen many times. Just a thought.

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I have to ask, have you ever seen anyone let someone down more definitively? I never have. We have been actively swinging for 6 or 7 years and in all instances that I have been involved in or have witnessed, it was done just the way the OP described what happened with them.

 

Frankly, when we are busy trying to set something up with someone, the last thing on my mind is to go to someone we had been previously visiting with, but had made no commitment to, and tell them we aren't interested in hooking up with them that night. In fact, to do that would seem extremely awkward to me, as it demands I first make the assumption that their was some implied commitment with them to begin with.

 

On the contrary, I don't think this couple was being immature, unless the OP left something out. While it sometimes sucks to be the one passed up on, this is the way it is normally done. As I say, unless the OP left out a point when one couple or the other asked to hook up for play that day, I don't see that their is any better way the other couple could have handled it, and their is surely no indication that they were some how obligated to handle it any differently than they did.

 

Unless I misunderstood, didn't they accept a dinner invite and then leave without canceling? If so, I thought that part was rude.

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I have to ask, have you ever seen anyone let someone down more definitively? I never have. We have been actively swinging for 6 or 7 years and in all instances that I have been involved in or have witnessed, it was done just the way the OP described what happened with them.

 

Frankly, when we are busy trying to set something up with someone, the last thing on my mind is to go to someone we had been previously visiting with, but had made no commitment to, and tell them we aren't interested in hooking up with them that night. In fact, to do that would seem extremely awkward to me, as it demands I first make the assumption that their was some implied commitment with them to begin with.

 

On the contrary, I don't think this couple was being immature, unless the OP left something out. While it sometimes sucks to be the one passed up on, this is the way it is normally done. As I say, unless the OP left out a point when one couple or the other asked to hook up for play that day, I don't see that their is any better way the other couple could have handled it, and their is surely no indication that they were some how obligated to handle it any differently than they did.

 

I'm with Good Times on this one. We might be talking to someone and hoping that they're interested, but if they start heavily flirting with or otherwise appear to be focused on someone else (or just not on us), I think the message is usually pretty clear and doesn't imply any disrespect.

 

We had not set up any plans for play, and as soon as we noticed that we had been dropped we left them alone. But, this was a pretty small place and we bumped into them several times after that. Each time, they completely ignored us and left that area immediately. That was the thing we were surprised about. We were fine with being rejected, and happy for them that they were able to hook up with a couple that they liked.

 

During two of the incidents of them snubbing us, we were hanging out with another couple that we were not interested in playing with but were fun to chat with. They were older and had a lot of lifestyle experience, and they even commented (in a joking way) on how rude the other two couples were being. We, on the other hand, have little experience, which is why we were asking about it here.

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Unless I misunderstood, didn't they accept a dinner invite and then leave without canceling? If so, I thought that part was rude.

 

That part we are writing off to miscommunication, since when we went to the restaurant that we had invited them to, they were there and called us over to their table to eat with them. At that point they were still being friendly and we had a good dinner conversation with them.

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We had not set up any plans for play, and as soon as we noticed that we had been dropped we left them alone. But, this was a pretty small place and we bumped into them several times after that. Each time, they completely ignored us and left that area immediately. That was the thing we were surprised about.

Well that does sound a bit rude, if they just pretended you weren't there and then left. Something like a smile and a wave, and then a turning toward "their" couple, would have been more polite. Just not acknowledging that someone else is there, when you have been talking to them a lot earlier, plus getting up and leaving, does sound uncalled for. Such a turnaround would make me feel snubbed too.

 

People are rude sometimes. It can be very high school. Maybe they think you did something wrong, maybe they were just overdoing their display of non-verbal signals to back off. You may never know.

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As some of the others have said, without actually having been there, it is impossible for me to say if they were being rude or not. But just going by your description in your original post, and combining that with your feeling that they were being rude later, it still does not sound abnormal to me. In fact, I say again, I have seen this exact thing happen many times, from both sides. Maybe what I am trying to convey here would be easier to understand if I broke it down a bit.

 

 

From here, the evening got weird for us. The couple we liked was chatting with another couple a lot, and we kept trying to remain in the conversation, but seemed to keep talking to their backs.

This statement indicates to me that the other couple was at the point where they needed their space. Yet, if it happened as you described, you weren't taking the hint.

 

After awhile, they started talking about going to the pool to cool off. We left, saying we'd get the migration started. After hanging out in the pool for about half an hour by ourselves, we went back to the jacuzzi. The minute we got there, the two couples left the jacuzzi for the pool. We stayed for awhile talking with another couple, and later the four of us decided to go back to the pool. Again, the minute the we got there, the other couples left for the jacuzzi. At this point we were checking each others breath and looking for obvious problems.

Now, from the other couples perspective, and again, we have experienced this many times, whether you were doing it on purpose or not, to them it probably appeared that you were following them around trying to butt in on their party. They most likely wanted to have some uninterrupted conversation with this other couple, and yes, at this point they were trying to get away from you.

 

The bottom line is, if it happened the way you described, and we were this other couple, we too would have avoided you for the remainder of the trip. Our experience has been that with couples who don't take the normal hints you can't interact with them at all. Because if we even try being polite they will usually start following us around again and continue to insert themselves into our conversation with others.

 

The sad fact is that it doesn't take one long in the lifestyle to realize that a lot of couples, especially newbies, assume that if you are nice to them you want to play with them. The only option with these folks is to ignore them in the hopes that they will take the hint that you are not interested in them. Sure, you could try to be nice and in some way let someone down easy. But in reality, these same folks usually don't take rejection well, and experience tells us that trying to do that will just put the couple you are letting down on the defensive and create unwanted drama. Sucks, but that is the way it is.

 

Look at it this way, would you feel any better if they had said to you, "look, you are really nice folks, but you just don't turn us on. So, could you avoid us and make believe you don't know us so that others don't get the wrong idea and think we are together"? Because that really is how it works, polite swingers, if they see you interacting with someone else, are going to assume you are trying to set something up with the couple you are talking to and give you your space and move on. They have no way of knowing whether you were just interacting with the other couple to be polite or were actually trying to get something going with them. So the sad fact is, if you want to hook up with other couples, you learn pretty quick not to spend much time making polite conversation with acquaintances that you aren't interested in playing with when in a group environment. Especially if their are other couples present that you would like to hook up with. Because if another couple walks in and sees you and thinks they might want to get to know you, but you are busy talking with your friend, they are going to move along and make other arrangements, and the opportunity to be with them will be gone for you.

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Now, from the other couples perspective, and again, we have experienced this many times, whether you were doing it on purpose or not, to them it probably appeared that you were following them around trying to butt in on their party. They most likely wanted to have some uninterrupted conversation with this other couple, and yes, at this point they were trying to get away from you.

 

The bottom line is, if it happened the way you described, and we were this other couple, we too would have avoided you for the remainder of the trip. Our experience has been that with couples who don't take the normal hints you can't interact with them at all. Because if we even try being polite they will usually start following us around again and continue to insert themselves into our conversation with others.

 

The sad fact is that it doesn't take one long in the lifestyle to realize that a lot of couples, especially newbies, assume that if you are nice to them you want to play with them. The only option with these folks is to ignore them in the hopes that they will take the hint that you are not interested in them. Sure, you could try to be nice and in some way let someone down easy. But in reality, these same folks usually don't take rejection well, and experience tells us that trying to do that will just put the couple you are letting down on the defensive and create unwanted drama. Sucks, but that is the way it is.

 

Look at it this way, would you feel any better if they had said to you, "look, you are really nice folks, but you just don't turn us on. So, could you avoid us and make believe you don't know us so that others don't get the wrong idea and think we are together"? Because that really is how it works, polite swingers, if they see you interacting with someone else, are going to assume you are trying to set something up with the couple you are talking to and give you your space and move on. They have no way of knowing whether you were just interacting with the other couple to be polite or were actually trying to get something going with them. So the sad fact is, if you want to hook up with other couples, you learn pretty quick not to spend much time making polite conversation with acquaintances that you aren't interested in playing with when in a group environment. Especially if their are other couples present that you would like to hook up with. Because if another couple walks in and sees you and thinks they might want to get to know you, but you are busy talking with your friend, they are going to move along and make other arrangements, and the opportunity to be with them will be gone for you.

 

This is exactly the perspective I was looking for :) I'll bet they thought we didn't get the hint and were trying to horn in on their party :nono: . And, in fact, for the first several minutes they would have been right. But later we were just plain confused.

 

We will have to pay more attention next time and do a better job of avoiding. Or, because it is such a small place, just let them do the avoiding but at least we will understand why they are doing it. It is funny in a way because we are usually the ones being approached, and have developed our own avoidance techniques.

 

Thanks everybody for the insights.

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Ditto to everyone's else's "I wasn't there so..."

 

The resort we frequent is outdoor, fully nude, and very lifestyle/sexual. This weekend's weather was bad, so there were few couples. We were hanging out in the jacuzzi when a new couple arrived. They had a room next to the jacuzzi, and after settling into their room, they joined us in the water. We started chatting with them, and seemed to have a good connection. We were both attracted to them, and seemingly them to us.

 

My take is based on personal experience our first time at Desire in the Cancun area. While I had expressed an interest in swinging very early into our marriage, we'd never done it nor never really seriously explored it. We ended up at Desire based on the no-pressure atmosphere, yet nude, described on various websites.

 

After that trip is when we decided that we were going to seriously investigate swinging for ourselves.

 

That being said, we were that very couple you were referring to, at least in terms of actions described so far. A couple started talking to us after within minutes of our arrival at the hot tub (which was within an hour of our arrival at the resort). I just took it as casual conversation, polite and friendly. But, it was just conversation to us.

 

After a couple of hours of talking, we asked them if they would like to go to dinne with us. They said they would. Meanwhile, several other couples joined us it the jacuzzi and we were all chatting. At some point we went to the pool to cool off a little, and stayed there for about fifteen minutes. While we were there, we noticed "our" couple clothed and heading out for dinner.

 

Well, not to be offensive, but that would have been my first clue that maybe they weren't feeling the same way as you. Having been to a couple different lifestyle resorts (both nude, FWIW), if we offer or are offered a dinner invite, we firm those things up before we leave the hot tub or pool table or whatever centralized activity area all the parties are using.

 

If things weren't firmed up, and yet you saw them leaving, I'm surprised you didn't call out to them and just asked if they still wanted to do dinner, or to do it another night?

 

They may have left because they didn't think there was a plan for them to stick to, or because they thought it was an out to just go on their own.

 

We decided to go out then as well, and dressed and left. We got to our favorite restaurant (about half a mile away) and the other couple was there. They called us over to their table and invited us to join them, which we did. We had good a conversation with them over dinner, then left to go back to the resort.

 

So far, so good.

 

In my comparison, we too ran into the other couple at the dining area, and we did join them for dinner and we said our goodnights, as we were not committing to anything further than doing what we'd like to do for our one and only vacation for the year.

 

From here, the evening got weird for us. The couple we liked was chatting with another couple a lot, and we kept trying to remain in the conversation, but seemed to keep talking to their backs. After awhile, they started talking about going to the pool to cool off. We left, saying we'd get the migration started. After hanging out in the pool for about half an hour by ourselves, we went back to the jacuzzi. The minute we got there, the two couples left the jacuzzi for the pool. We stayed for awhile talking with another couple, and later the four of us decided to go back to the pool. Again, the minute the we got there, the other couples left for the jacuzzi. At this point we were checking each others breath and looking for obvious problems.

 

This is what reminded me of our first night experience at Desire: I was starting to relax and loosen up, and as such, became a bit less reserved and I actually started talking to other people. However, the first couple we spoke with ended up 5-10 minutes behind us everywhere we went once dinner was over. Now, it's a small resort, but to someone who values some space, it bothered me somewhat. But, we were, by the time they arrived at the hot tub, fully engaged with a great group of people. There were 10 of us who just got along great, etc.

 

The other couple did what you described - they tried their damndest to get involved in any conversation we had with others. I tried to be polite, and had introduced them to the new people we'd met, but our new aquaintences were not so pleased with it. There was frequent mutterings about "can't they catch a clue?" Further, we had the same deal with the pool. A couple of the new couples said they were pool if we wanted to join them, and Couple No. 1 said the same thing - we'll start the migration. Well, to be honest, because they finally left, everyone else stayed behind because they just weren't interested in hanging out with Couple No. 1. We stayed behind because we weren't interested in the pool at that very moment. I owed no action or explanation to Couple No. 1. Over the next hour or so, we watch and experienced the same thing you had happened to you - from our side, we felt a bit stalked, or something.

 

I'm not saying that this is exactly what you did and it was perhaps just coincidence that you ended up wherever they were. Or they were just rude. I don't know. I just know what it feels like when you are at a small resort and it doesn't feel like you can get to your own comfort level because it feels like you are being stalked.

 

There are better ways to deal with that, if that was their problem, mind you.

 

Later, we were back in the jacuzzi and saw "our" couple with the other couple in one of their rooms.

 

Our feelings were not hurt by this entire interaction, because we go to have great sex with each other in a fantastic environment, which we did several times. Hooking up with other couples is just icing on the cake. We were, however, confused by the sudden rude treatment from a couple that we had a seemingly good connection with.

 

Well, again, I'm not sure if it was rude, having not been there. But I can say that I experienced (once) and witnessed (several times) first hand what happens if others think you are pushy, butting in or following them around - it ends up being a rude shunning of sorts. I see it every single time I go to Live Oak or Desire.

 

But I think it's a mistake to consider someone having a perfectly friendly and polite conversation necessarily as interest. I am polite and will try to carry on a decent conversation, especially if you are genuinely an interesting or friendly person. That doesn't mean that there's necessarily sexual interest in any particular direction.

 

Neither explains the sudden rude snubbing, however.

 

Well, having seen it several times, I can only explain it that they may have felt you weren't getting the message they felt was obvious. Whatever the issue, it could have been handled in a better way perhaps.

 

In our situation, we were awoken the next morning by that first couple asking us to breakfast and then off the resort to some attraction. We didn't play a game about it; we told them outright that while we enjoyed our hot tub conversation, we were at our first lifestyle resort, weren't swingers, it was our first vacation in a while, and we really weren't inclined to do anything but relax and whatever we felt like it, and while we appreciated the invite, we just weren't interested in anything but relaxing and doing as we saw fit when we saw fit.

 

We smiled and waved when we saw them to be polite, even though they ended up being a predator couple that everyone warned the new arrivals about. Because we just said outright we weren't interested in much, we were mostly left alone to socialize as we wanted to and didn't have to pretend or ignore.

 

Now, the couple you described could have just been rude assholes, but having seen people get ignored very quickly at these resorts, I'm just saying that they just may have taken your actions in a manner you didn't intend and that was their best strategy if they weren't happy or comfortable with you. I'm not excusing it, but they may have felt there was a basis to their actions.

 

Ultimately, did you meet a lot of other people and have a great time? Were they the only ones who did something like this?

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...

Well, having seen it several times, I can only explain it that they may have felt you weren't getting the message they felt was obvious. Whatever the issue, it could have been handled in a better way perhaps.

 

...

 

Now, the couple you described could have just been rude assholes, but having seen people get ignored very quickly at these resorts, I'm just saying that they just may have taken your actions in a manner you didn't intend and that was their best strategy if they weren't happy or comfortable with you. I'm not excusing it, but they may have felt there was a basis to their actions.

 

Ultimately, did you meet a lot of other people and have a great time? Were they the only ones who did something like this?

 

Yes, I definitely think that they felt we missed the message. Really we didn't, but now I can see how they might have thought that. And no, I really don't think that they were just rude assholes, and the explanations offered by you and good times probably hit the nail on the head. I will admit that we missed their initial hint, but after that we were trying to give them plenty of space.

 

Compared to either Desire resort (Cancun or Cabo), this place is tiny. The evening was very cool, and the only way to stay comfortable was to soak in the jacuzzi until overheating, then soak in the pool until it felt too cold, then repeat. The alternative, hiding in our room, was not an option. So it was inevitable that we would run into them several times.

 

And yes, we always have a great time there, and did again that weekend. Because of the weather, there were only five couples there on Saturday, including us. The least I have ever seen. The previous weekend there were over 100 people there. Anyway, one couple was bored and left early. We ended up socializing with a great couple from Australia, and having lots of monogamous sex :D

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We just got back from our favorite lifestyle resort, where we encountered a unique situation and are hoping for some dissection here.

 

The resort we frequent is outdoor, fully nude, and very lifestyle/sexual. This weekend's weather was bad, so there were few couples. We were hanging out in the jacuzzi when a new couple arrived. They had a room next to the jacuzzi, and after settling into their room, they joined us in the water. We started chatting with them, and seemed to have a good connection. We were both attracted to them, and seemingly them to us.

 

After a couple of hours of talking, we asked them if they would like to go to dinner with us. They said they would. Meanwhile, several other couples joined us it the jacuzzi and we were all chatting. At some point we went to the pool to cool off a little, and stayed there for about fifteen minutes. While we were there, we noticed "our" couple clothed and heading out for dinner.

 

We decided to go out then as well, and dressed and left. We got to our favorite restaurant (about half a mile away) and the other couple was there. They called us over to their table and invited us to join them, which we did. We had good a conversation with them over dinner, then left to go back to the resort.

 

After we got back, my wife and I went to the playroom and had sex before going back to the jacuzzi. When we got to the jacuzzi, another couple complimented us on our energetic lovemaking, and basically gave a play-by-play account to everyone else.

 

From here, the evening got weird for us. The couple we liked was chatting with another couple a lot, and we kept trying to remain in the conversation, but seemed to keep talking to their backs. After awhile, they started talking about going to the pool to cool off. We left, saying we'd get the migration started. After hanging out in the pool for about half an hour by ourselves, we went back to the jacuzzi. The minute we got there, the two couples left the jacuzzi for the pool. We stayed for awhile talking with another couple, and later the four of us decided to go back to the pool. Again, the minute the we got there, the other couples left for the jacuzzi. At this point we were checking each others breath and looking for obvious problems.

 

Later, we were back in the jacuzzi and saw "our" couple with the other couple in one of their rooms.

 

Our feelings were not hurt by this entire interaction, because we go to have great sex with each other in a fantastic environment, which we did several times. Hooking up with other couples is just icing on the cake. We were, however, confused by the sudden rude treatment from a couple that we had a seemingly good connection with.

 

A couple of additional facts. The couple we liked had lifestyle experience, but no nude experience. We have lots of nude experience but much less swinging experience. The couple that "our" couple ended up with also had no nudist experience. In fact, both couples remained in robes whenever out of the water. Also, we have been to this resort many times, and are good friends with both the owners and the staff. Both other couples were there for the first time, and had flown in from distant places.

 

We analyzed this experience on the way home and each of us had a different take on the sudden change. Dr H (Mrs) believes that the public sex display on the playbed was the instigator. To support this is the fact that neither couple seemed to be that comfortable being publicly nude, and may have extended that belief to public nude sex. I (Mr H) think that they simply decided they had more in common with and/or liked the other couple more. Neither explains the sudden rude snubbing, however.

 

Any thoughts?

 

This reminds me of all the girls out there that say, why did he not like me? What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me? It is not personal. There are many reasons why this happens. The bottom line is nobody likes rejection, even in the mildest of forms. Don't over analyze the situation. Sometimes things just do not work out the way we want.

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Ditto to everyone's else's "I wasn't there so..."

 

 

 

My take is based on personal experience our first time at Desire in the Cancun area. ----------------------------------

 

RPU3

 

Mrs. CXXC and I absolutely adore Desire Spa and Resort in Cancun. It is probably the closest place to heaven we have ever discovered.

 

We too noticed that there were times when one particular couple would try to insert themselves into an established group or set dynamic. We are social to a fault and would never turn someone away for wanting conversation.

 

In this very same situation, we felt the individuals were pressing for more yet not actually coming out with it. When they would try to generate interest in other activities the groups we were with would all decline or request a rain check. It bacame obvious to just aobut everyone that they were becoming very frustrated.

 

There was nothing wrong wiht the couple! They were pleasant, HWP, Clean, personable...but gave off an almost desperate vibe.

 

MRs. CXXC and I actually met another couple there that began to treat us in a similar manner. What did we do? We bid them a great day, mentioned the possibility of a meal together and went to another area of the resort.

 

At a place like Desire, there is NO WAY you can NOT find something fun or exciting to do or see.

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