Is it hard to see your partner with someone else?

My husband and I have not had any other partners in our life before. We have been married 27 years and have talking about giving this a try for some time now. We decided it was time and we are headed to Hedo in August. We are real excited and nervous at the same time. Don't know if we will find anyone to swap or not. So, is it hard to see your partner with another person for the first time? Also, how do you know if the couple/person is into swinging and how do you go about asking if they are interested? Sorry for so many questions.

Seeing your partner having sex with someone else can be hard to watch if it was unplanned.

First, a big welcome to this board, you've found the best source of information and helpful people for taking the plunge!

It's not hard, and in fact rather exciting, if you are ready for it. After 27 years, we hope you are comfortable enough to accept and realize that you'll still be together later. Speaking from our personal experience, seeing our partner with another and them giving and receiving pleasure is exciting - something that is so special that we like to watch the other, hence same room only. Since you are starting out, we recommend you look carefully around this board about starting out, discussing and setting ground rules, and other problems that people have encountered, so you don't make the same mistakes.

BTW, we love hedo,and suggest that you go with no expectations other than to have a great time. Say hello to Winston for us!

It has never been hard for me (male), and she says she had a few twinges early on, but those soon went away. There's a bit of explanation that goes with that too. Our first few experiences went better for me than they did for her. It's not like we keep score or are jealous of something the other is getting that we aren't, because that is totally not the case inside or outside of swinging, but when something is still new and along with that newness comes the uncomfortableness and not really being sure how best to handle these new things, then it's to be expected that that would be the most likely time for those feelings to occur. But, even then, they were fleeting and mild.

So, there's the negative. Now, the positive. Once you get over past any little bumps in that initial learning curve, then we both absolutely enjoy watching each other get pleasured by their playmate. Not only watching it, but talking about it later, and seeing the lasting big smile on the face and spring in the step that follows a good swinging session. We take joyful pleasure in seeing the other happy and having fun.

Hi SexyTnCouple. Congrats to you for 27 years, and for deciding to check out Hedo! Continue to be excited, but don't be nervous. I hope that you will find as we did that Hedo is a very special place. The staff there is second to none, and the folks who go there are awesome. We have met so many great people from all over and all walks of life. Almost everyone follows the "Respect" and "No means No" rules, and there is no pressure to do anything you don't want to. There are usually many opportunities to watch or be watched, or soft swap, or full swap, whatever you want. Just go, get naked, go to the nude bar, order a drink, say hello to the person next to you, and you will have a new friend and after a few minutes you will not even realize you are both naked. As far as finding out about people, just ask them if they are in the lifestyle or what they are into. Nobody at Hedo will be offended. I am confident you will have the best vacation of your lives. Good luck!

It was never, ever, difficult for me to watch my wife with another man. In fact, it's one of my biggest turn-on's. I remember our very first swap and watching her was even more enjoyable than being with the other wife.

But, however, my wife never enjoyed watching me with the other women. And I don't think it was jealousy either. She just didn't enjoy it.

So I guess the only way to find out is for you both to experience it. I might suggest starting with very soft swinging things and test the waters.

It was never difficult for either me or my wife to see the other having sex with someone else. We had been married 18 years the first time we had a couples swap, and it was with our best friends. After it happened, all we could talk about for the next couple of weeks was doing it again as soon as possible. That couple got divorced but we are still friends with her and her 2nd husband who knows we have played with her. We have continued to play on a regular basis with her ex husband.

We thought we would be jealous, but we were not. My wife is quite popular, so my only jealousy is that she gets more interest and action than me. That's the breaks, I accept it.

Personally it only makes me hard seeing her with other men and women! Although I have seen her with more women then men, because that is her main preference. It has been a turn on for me since day one of entering the lifestyle.

To me Ms Enhancer is the hottest woman in the world and to see other people appreciate her only makes that feeling stronger! I know she loves me and will always be coming home with me. We do not doubt each other at all and would not be in this lifestyle if we did. That would be asking for trouble.

Eastinwest: We are granting you permission to make it into a short story...or even better a long story! Great story either way, feel free to tell more...

Eastinwest: We are granting you permission to make it into a short story...or even better a long story! Great story either way, feel free to tell more...

We actually started work on it when we first joined this forum, actually, after I mentioned this in another "what's it like to see your SO with someone else" thread (something I only realized when I went back to find the post)... but as it got long, we got sidetracked.

I think my point is that talking openly and honestly is everything, swingers or not. We started sharing about our sex lives and preferences before we ever thought we'd actually end up in bed, and when something happened, we had a pretty good idea of what the other thought and wanted and what our roles were. Sex was about fun for me, she wanted that, too. The disaster threads almost always seem to involve one partner who wasn't actively being clear with the other partner about what they thought they were doing and why.

It'd be impossible to watch if you had any questions about your partner's intentions.

Not sure if I would say hard... but maybe "odd".. all the prep for the first time does not prepare your nerves. One has to remove themselves emotionally from the act itself and know that the other half is simply enjoying a new sexual experience. Yes it was gut wrenching, an emotional roller coaster that you want to end and keep going the same time. For me as I have said before the second his cock penetrated her was the first crazy part, then as she orgasmed the next, then as she started saying things to him that she had never said to me... the next... but in the end the second he was about to cum and then as he froze up I knew he was planting his seed in her. Very erotic.

Despite a lot of conversation before hand, you won't know how you will react until it actually occurs. Our first time the guy had amazing staying power … as I watched, I began to think he would never cum. I could tell though that my wife was enjoying all the action and was really into it. It was so hot and I felt no jealousy at all. She confirmed later as we talked she had never been with any guy who was so "in control".

It doesn't bother me (the male) only after I have met the other man and like him.

At HEDO, if you see some people you would like to know better, just ask, unless you are asked first of course.

Starting out at Hedo is definitely jumping into the deep end of the pool. We started out with MFM. I had no trouble with that, obviously my husband was having sex only with me. But then, after several, we went to a couples club and tried swaps. First one went ok, second one, there I was, the other husband had finished with me and went to pee, I hadn’t had an orgasm, it hadn’t been much more then wam bam. Next to me, my husband was getting her off for the 3rd or 4th round and then moving the the intercourse stage, I did feel a bit bad, like how is this “more” fun.

Going back to that first MFM, my husband said he had no problem with me being s seductress with the two of them at the bar, kissing and playing with both men going up to the room in the elevator was also quite fine with him. Giving oral sex to them both, back and forth, he was fine with that as he was when the guy went down on me. He said he had second thoughts only when the guy first entered me, I moaned and made some remarks about my pleasure. Of course, we went on to finish that event, sexual activity from both men for at least 45 more minutes and many MFM since so apparently he did get over that short period of second thoughts. But what if he hadn’t? I was the one who instigated that second and next several MFM so looking back, maybe I forced his participation until he adapted.

... So, is it hard to see your partner with another person for the first time? Also, how do you know if the couple/person is into swinging and how do you go about asking if they are interested? .

It wasn't until later that I joined them for MFM threesomes. This was the first time that I actually see her being penetrated by another man. It wasn't hard seeing her with another guy because she was enjoying herself and that makes me happy. It was later that we started couple's swapping.

When I met the person who became my wife, I knew she was sexually active with other men. It didn't bother me, and when we got married we became monogamous almost by default. Fast forward twenty years.

We started talking about it, started thinking. We talked, fantasized. For three years! So by the time we finally did it, I was used to the thought so the actual deed wasn't a big deal. It was exciting, yes, and when a few months later we got into MFMs, I loved it. But it was never 'hard' for me to see her with someone else, and it wasn't hard for her to let me have a good time.

"Is it hard to see your partner with someone else?" Yes! It was hard, so hard that it took me two years for me to let my husband have sex with another woman, even though he let me have a boyfriend. When it happened I was crazy with jealousy - and wanted him to do it again with her and other women. I was hooked, craved the feeling that seeing him pleased by another woman brought, and wanted him more than ever. Even now after ten years, it is a rush watching him with the two other women in our poly family.

Not hard at all but a lot of fun! My GF and I have a good sex life but it's fairly normal. Neither of us were ever very adventurous actually. She would never do anal, swallow cum, let me cum on her face, etc. but that all changed when she started fucking other guys. She discovered that she really enjoys men taking control and doing what they want to her. Personally I am not into the rough stuff like choking, slapping, spitting, facefucking, hair pulling, verbal degradation etc. but it turns out my GF really enjoys it. And while I am uncomfortable inflicting that kind of pain on my GF when we have sex it is actually very hot to see other men do it to her.

Do I enjoy slapping my GF across the face, call her a whore, and then shoving my dick down her throat forcing her to gag all over it? No. But do I enjoy watching my friend do it to her? Yes. And believe it or not she loves it too.

Based on my experience, it is hard. When we had our first couple play/swap, I felt so jealous seeing my SO with another woman and both were enjoying. I prefer that he dates another without seeing him in action personally. Thus after that, most of our swings together were MFM. That's also the reason why I committed to my BF in a monogamish-type of arrangement, but with consequences. I agreed that I will be his only gf and he will not be looking, which granted him so many privileges despite the fact we dont live together. I am now intertwined with his friends and family and he owns most of my sexual life. I realized it's only a hair's breadth before I spin out from my relationship with SO so I'm now actively pushing for integration and to form a polycule with 3Ms and another F to be more balanced and to retain its polyamorous nature.

As to my SO, it was a bit hard when he saw me first with another man but he outgrew it quickly and we had mfm's after that. For my BF, recently it's ok as long as it is same room with him. I figured it is hard for him too to see me with SO that's why he refuses to play with him with me.

It has always been a wish of my SO and I to video ourselves or with another man (mfm) who will agree not to get a copy but the vid will only stay with me, for safety reasons. There were no takers; they wanted a copy as well. But recently BF and I were able to do that with the help of his acquaintance with a decent videography skills, using my own cam. He focused on us for hours but in the end, joined us in a 3some but skillfully angled himself so as not to expose his face from the tripod. When my bf and I watched the footage, I was dumbfounded by the guy's talent. Bf feels proud of his performance too. Now I technically own the vid and he did not give any restrictions whatsover. (I know what he is thinking) Now I wanted to show this to SO because he has been wanting to play with us but bf refuses. But honestly, I feel conflicted in showing this to SO at all, because it maybe hard for him to see this. I dont want him to feel hurt, or jealous or anything of that sort. He has seen me in many plays, mfm or cpl switch, but as you all know, it a bit different when doing it when your partner is watching. There is some sort of self-restraint on both myself or the swing partner. It's diffirent when you are in a separate room away from your SO and in my case, I am romantically involved too with BF. The vid captured the very steamy and intense moments. Porny but very very intimate. I could easily edit out the portion when the other guy jumped in but it may still be hard for him. That's why bf was grinning after watching it.

Sounds complicated. A lot to manage.

Agree about complicated, there’s a lot going on there. My take is that she has 2 boyfriends that don’t like each other. I’d guess that doesn’t go over any better in the swinger world than it would in the vanilla world.

I know he had a problem the first time he saw me with a guy, he told me. Not so when he saw me with my girlfriend..

It's great how you guys went from having some problems the first time to actually encouraging each other to have some fun when you two are apart.

Watching each other having sex with others is a big turn on for us, in my case I like to "perform for him".

The first time I saw him having sex with someone else was not hard at all I actually remember felling very thrilled by the hole experience.

thrilled by the hole experience.

The “hole” experience ...

thrilled by the hole experience.

The “hole” experience ...

I believe that she means that it was almost religious, a "holy" experience.

LOL ,

I Mean: Whole Experience

Okay so I’m a total voyeur and exhibitionist, but lately it’s been over the top. We had a guy join us a few weeks ago and in short, he “performs” well. It’s gotten to the point where we are literally live porn for my husband. Lately all he wants to do is watch us. Don’t get me wrong, I love fucking this guy and I love watching my man jerk off while he watches but i’m ready to get back to some group play. Gonna ride this out a bit longer and hope the novelty wears off.

Okay so I’m a total voyeur and exhibitionist, but lately it’s been over the top. We had a guy join us a few weeks ago and in short, he “performs” well. It’s gotten to the point where we are literally live porn for my husband. Lately all he wants to do is watch us. Don’t get me wrong, I love fucking this guy and I love watching my man jerk off while he watches but i’m ready to get back to some group play. Gonna ride this out a bit longer and hope the novelty wears off.

Would love to see some pictures

I have no problem watching my husband but I do have a hard time paying much attention if I am with someone. I get too involved to be a much of a voyeur. He absolutely adores watching me get laid and get off with a lover. Only once I think he got actually intimidated or maybe better to say...self conscious about watching me. We had a young man share our bed and I was given this boy some good lovin. It was precious when he came. I held onto his cute tight butt and he got a funny fuck face. I told him it was okay and to let it all go in me...a very tender moment. Anyway, I got on my husband and what a mess! While I fucked on him the boy was just laying there with his little purple penis standing straight up, hard as a rock. I asked him if he wanted to cum again and he was like really? Can I? LMAO. How cute was that? Like a kid that needs permission to have a second helping of dessert. I got off my husband and he left. I think he was a little frustrated and maybe feeling a little old. 

That young man came again in me. I thought he was finished and while spooning on the bed his dick was poking around my fanny. My God he was still hard and I let him put his snotty little dick in my butt. My husband returned in time to see us fucking and grunting like two little piggies and he just left. He wasn't mad but, he waited until the kid left before laying me. It is the only time I believe he got affected by someone fucking me. Maybe just a bit jealous. Poor baby. 

On 5/13/2020 at 6:40 AM, FullSwapCLT said:

It is the only time I believe he got affected by someone fucking me. Maybe just a bit jealous.

It is likely now a fond memory. 

It is the thing that turns me on the most. When we swapped with a couple for the first time, we were both apprehensive about watching each other. She was afraid of what I would think. She went to the bedroom with him alone and I sat with his wife. I could hear my wife moaning and fucking. I did want to watch but out of respect for her I gave her privacy to do it. When she emerged from the bedroom she had a big pretty smile and was proud to show me that she had accepted his sperm. After this we all went to the bedroom and she was sweet on me and encouraged me to fuck my lover and cum in her. After that we had no hesitations to fuck in front of each other. We learned something about me, how turned on I become watching her being penetrated and a lover filling her with cum. She knows this is my favorite part of the lifestyle. I am a little embarrassed to admit that she treats me on occasion by inviting a lover to our bed. I hide and watch secretly in the closet. She positions herself for my advantage at first. I have many wonderful visions of her pretty hand guiding a strange man's cock into her pussy and then making love without hesitations. 

On 5/13/2020 at 6:40 AM, Guest said:

He wasn't mad but, he waited until the kid left before laying me. It is the only time I believe he got affected by someone fucking me. Maybe just a bit jealous. Poor baby. 

Your husband is considerate and loving, as a man should be.  He's a keeper.  When David said it was OK for me to keep my boyfriend and he wanted to marry me, I was happy and astounded.

You were considerate and loving by letting you husband lay you after all that fucking.  It's my philosophy as well, I never deny my husband's overtures.

The first few times we went to  the Red Rooster in Vegas. We were on those large beds playing around with a few other couples. Didn't really pay attention what was going on.

Then we went to HEDO and was with just one other couple in our room. I was playing with the other wife, and heard a moan from the next bed. I looked up my wife had been on top of him and he came in her (really fast by the way) . As she rose up off of him I could see his cum dripping out of her. Before this I really hadn't thought about it too much.  It actually turned me on when I saw that.

Another time at our house the husband was fucking my wife and came in her standing up. I was playing with his wife across the room at the time. Wife walked over to us wiping the inside of her thighs saying I think he came in me.

So the bottom line if she is having a good time, it is OK with me.

Once we were visiting my wife's sister, here husband had gone to work. Sister came out of the bedroom in a robe. Stopped, wiped the inside of her thighs and said Damn, he came in me last night. Complaining he did't use a condom like he said he would.

2 hours ago, Chris&Suzanne said:

The first few times we went to  the Red Rooster in Vegas. We were on those large beds playing around with a few other couples. Didn't really pay attention what was going on.

 

Then we went to HEDO and was with just one other couple in our room. I was playing with the other wife, and heard a moan from the next bed. I looked up my wife had been on top of him and he came in her (really fast by the way) . As she rose up off of him I could see his cum dripping out of her. Before this I really hadn't thought about it too much.  It actually turned me on when I saw that.

 

Another time at our house the husband was fucking my wife and came in her standing up. I was playing with his wife across the room at the time. Wife walked over to us wiping the inside of her thighs saying I think he came in me.

 

So the bottom line if she is having a good time, it is OK with me.

 

Once we were visiting my wife's CORRECTION Her daughter (not her sister) here husband had gone to work. Sister came out of the bedroom in a robe. Stopped, wiped the inside of her thighs and said Damn, he came in me last night. Complaining he did't use a condom like he said he would.

Not anymore. The first time I had my reservations about the male. From pictures they sent us he was way more endowed. We thought the picture was photoshopped and they wouldn’t show. I had looked forward to watching the women play more and not so much the male. I wanted to call the act off because he was a jerk and his size. I ended up watching all ten seconds of their first time. 

We have met many more couples since that first time and now enjoy watching her enjoy any good partner. I enjoy hearing the noises she makes when she is being satisfied. I can assure you it gets easier

On 7/10/2016 at 11:20 AM, SexyTnCouple said:

My husband and I have not had any other partners in our life before. We have been married 27 years and have talking about giving this a try for some time now. We decided it was time and we are headed to Hedo in August. We are real excited and nervous at the same time. Don't know if we will find anyone to swap or not. So, is it hard to see your partner with another person for the first time? Also, how do you know if the couple/person is into swinging and how do you go about asking if they are interested? Sorry for so many questions.

So you need to prep yourself before hand, this is just sex, nothing more, it is about feeling good and living in the moment.  This is not Love, what you do with your husband is love it is more than sex.  Remember that, hopefully you will be busy while he is busy so you don't need to really watch the act unfold.  I prefer separate room swaps as I don't like an audience.  It makes it easier.  Plus we swing with people I care about, they are good friends generally.  When my husband is fucking Julie I sincerely want Julie to have a good time cause I love that little firecracker, she is my best friend.  Point is try and make a connection at hedo with another couple, so you won't be so focused on the "act" but you can focus on the friendship and the fun, and to be clear this is a lot of fun.  And don't worry to much about who is a swinger, cause at Hedo everyone is pretty much there to participate, so go get you some D.  I'm so jealous!!  Enjoy babe.  

I will never forget the first time I saw Sabrina "being penetrated" (fucked). We were at a house party and she had beenn in the hot tub with three other females, whose husband, SOs wrre otherwise occupied. They quickly moved from the hot tub to a bedroom. I watched them play for well over an hour. They finally decided to bring me in and after they had their fun with me, the told me to go get some guys. I found three single guys and brought them into the room. Sabrina latched onto a tall, built guy and he immediately got his clothes off. She gave him head long enough to get him hard, she rolled a condom on him and laid him on his back. She climbed onto his rock hard cock and started down. At first I felt the green jealousy monster rising up, until I  heard her moan from pleasure. She rode him for a while then he fucked her doggy. She is multi orgasmic so she had several orgasms before he came. She ended up being fucked by all three. It was only fair, I had sex with all three of the other females. On the way home she was upset. She told me she did not want me to think she was a slut. I told her I  did not and that the experience was incredible, especially watching her fuck and cum. 

On 5/13/2020 at 8:40 AM, Guest said:

I have no problem watching my husband but I do have a hard time paying much attention if I am with someone. I get too involved to be a much of a voyeur.

Same here. When I’ve been with somebody else, I wanted her to know that she’s where I’m focused. The few times that I *have* managed to steal a minute or two to just watch my wife with another man, it was mesmerizing!

On 7/20/2016 at 5:23 PM, EastInWest said:

We got close, learned more about each other's personal lives, and eventually things got romantic and emotional. However, we didn't know if it could ever be serious, so we didn't stress exclusivity, we just thought one of us would move on eventually.

 

It's a long story, but after we'd been carrying on like this for over a year,

You two seem wonderful, made for one another.  At what point did you two get married, or move in together, or however you became a couple?

The story usually is that a couple gets into the lifestyle, but sometimes the lifestyle creates a couple.  Nice.  The partnership started with no question about where things stood.

On 7/20/2016 at 5:23 PM, EastInWest said:

We didn't talk about that again for years, until we started talking about the idea of actively getting into swinging a couple years ago.

Although we were both fucking other people when Daniela and I became physically and romantically involved, we became monogamous before we married and for a while afterwards.  Perhaps in retrospect there was no need, but we started hotwifing, then MFMing, then swapping.  Things turned out ok; it was inevitable with her non-monogamous nature.

On 9/20/2023 at 6:11 PM, NC_Seniors said:

The few times that I *have* managed to steal a minute or two to just watch my wife with another man, it was mesmerizing!

That's the way we were, busy with other people, and I couldn't concentrate on what Mary was doing. Then, one night at the club when she was still randy but there were no more couples to play with, she invited a young guy into a room and let me watch.

That started our journey into hotwifing. Usually, I would watch them for a while (sometimes a Loooonnnnggg while), and then we'd turn it into a threesome. I loved watching Mary with another man, she understood my 'perversion,' and it worked for us. 

If I were you, NC_Seniors, I'd talk to your wife about MFMs. It's fun for everybody, if everybody's into it.

2 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

If I were you, NC_Seniors, I'd talk to your wife about MFMs. It's fun for everybody, if everybody's into it.

Oh, believe me … I plan to! 😉