Crazy excitement and confusion about swinging

We're hoping to get some answers, ideas and comfort in what we think is crazy hot and frustration. We are both bi-curious, late 40's, been together for over three years with a truly amazing sex life together. I think the biggest stumbling block is we both tell stories and fantasies about her with a man and a woman and me with a man, always all together. She just can't seem to bring herself to allowing another woman touch me or me touch another woman. Our fantasies are so detailed we should publish books but I can't help but think it needs to be equal all around when we really take the dive. We chatted a lot with and almost met another couple but she kind of froze two days before we planned to meet them at our first party. I think it's jealousy but just don't feel like unless we're both involved equality were not ready for any of it. Thoughts? Hopefully this was not too much for an intro.

I was kind of the same, but hubby, then BF, agreed to use MFM as a starting point. After a few, I was comfortable and more confident and we moved to swaps and on. You have to find a starting point that is acceptable to both of you.

Thanks for the intro!

I'd suggest not over thinking this. With sex, there will always be the next level. Always. It's best to find a zone where the activity is fun for everyone. Dwelling on something that isn't happening is pointless. Maybe she will come around and see that it's just sex and allow you to move to that level. Maybe not. Just enjoy the moment.

Group sex, to me is designed to be mmf. It just works so well. It's also an easier starting point.

Stick around and browse the forums. You are definitely not alone in this subject.

Welcome and enjoy!

Welcome! I think getting too caught up in making anything exactly "fair and equal" tends to take away some of the fun, and that includes for swinging too. On the other hand, there has to be some level of equality so both feel like they are fully involved or else one may start to lose interest. So, there's a happy place somewhere in between those two extremes, it's just a matter of finding it.

Thanks for the feedback, it makes total sense. I think I have been overthinking the equality thing. Pleasure as fun exploration is good any way as far as I'm concerned so I think I'll take your advice and let her have everything she is comfortable to lube the wheels of progress up

My wife and I moved forward more quickly after I decided that I did not need to weigh her fun and my fun in a balance. She has much more fun than I have but that situation seems to be not unusual. I have fun plenty enough.

After years of sex fantasy talk, we decided to try it out for real. Then few more months of talking about it, finding out about LS sites and clubs. Because she loves to dance and we thought we could just talk to others, we went to a LS club first. After the second time there, we actually got the nerve to talk to someone. By the 3rd visit we had our first fun experience.