Will I flake out at swingers club?

Hope everyone is well! Me and my hubby are very new and are looking for some swinger guidance.

We are very interested in swinging but I am a very shy person. We are both interested in going to a club but I feel like I'm going to flake out and also overthink any situation we come across.

Any tips or forums we can look into, to help me feel a bit more comfortable?

Welcome! We're glad to have you here with us, and I'm confident you will find some great information and advice here.

The Curious About Swinging forum would be a great place to post your questions, and since you mentioned being interested in clubs, then the Swinging at Clubs forum would be a good choice too. Please feel free to jump right in and post your questions and comments. Every question is slightly different, so don't worry about if you think it has been asked before, just ask!

Whenever we go to a club there are many couples who keep to themselves and just observe. You shouldn't feel any pressure to do anything.

Someone might stop by your table and ask if you are new and try to make conversation. Just do your best to be yourselves and be honest. More likely, unless you make a move to talk to someone, you will be ignored. This is my experience going to many clubs around the country. You can still enjoy the environment with your significant other without interacting with anyone.

If you are interested in swinging and getting to know people, a meet and greet might be more what you are looking for. The other option is meeting one on one with a couple you find through online personal ads on sls or swingerzonecentral or kasidie.

Welcome, TwoCuriousOnes! I have to say, when we first went to a swingers club for the first time, I wanted to "flake out" but I told myself, "Hey, Mr. Sun is right here with me. We're going to try this out together! Plus, he's here to protect me." It really helped to allay my fears and I really give props to single males and females who can walk into a swingers club/party/event by themselves. It's so intimidating, especially when it's the first time.

As cplnuswing said, I'd also recommend just browsing the various forums and threads here and if there are any specific questions you have, please ask!

When we decided this was the path we wanted to pursue back in December of last year, I read as much as I could.

the swingers sub-category on Reddit helped a lot, as does listening to various podcasts (found episodes about beginners and things that pertained to us).

That being said, I am pretty confident the same advice can be found here. This place is pretty awesome, with some pretty awesome people. You may not 100% agree with their advice, but you definitely have to respect them for forging the path that we follow in.

What funcoupledayton said!

We have always found clubs to be a difficult place to meet new people on our own. It can be intimidating, and often times it seems like everybody there already knows everybody else.

Meet and greets are a less stressful option, mainly because there is no pressure to go in the back and play right away! But they can also be a bit intimidating for the less outgoing among us. You would definitely want to go outside your comfort zone, which is not in itself a bad thing. Think of it as an exercise in personal growth, and try to walk up to complete strangers to talk to them!

Meeting couples one on one might be a better way to go, at least to start with. Meeting couples individually, through swinger sites like SLS, SDC, SZC, APG, Kasidie, or Quiver, will give you a chance to ease into a new couple. Also, I think many people who are shy in person have a somewhat easier time communicating online. So on one of those sites, you can begin chatting with a couple in a more comfortable online setting. Then when you do find a couple that you want to meet in person, it will be far less intimidating.

Good luck- you will do great, and in time you will become more outgoing. I know this, because it's happened to me!

The first time (well actually the second time since we flaked out the first time) we went to a nudist resort, we were scared to death (but also strangely turned on as well) but 10 minutes after going through the door we were thinking how silly it was that we were scared. The first couple we met we were scared to death just meeting them (in a public environment with a clear understanding that it was just to meet and no play)...10 minutes later we were thinking how silly we were. The first time visiting a strip club...I think you see where we are going here. It's ok to be shy and frightened about the unknown. Do you homework: read lots on this site, ask questions, discuss expectations, set limits and rules, revisit those same limits and rules, COMMUNICATE with your partner, never move faster than the slowest member of the group is comfortable with, and enjoy yourself (this IS supposed to be fun) and things will be just fine. We wish you luck and we're here to help in any way possible...

We are both rather shy people as well. We agree with Couple that a meet and greet is probably the better choice for you, however we prefer online ourselves and then having dinner or drinks with any couples that we are interested in (first meeting is JUST a meeting with all parties understanding that there is nothing else planned). Experience has taught us that THE HARDEST THING to do is to walk through the door. After that, things just get easier. Set your goal to walking through the door and plan on NOTHING more than than (well, maybe having fun). Don't plan on playing or anything else (go with no expectations other than enjoying an evening out with your partner), that way there is no self imposed pressure on either of you. Be willing to say hello to people and talk, but let them know that you are new and that you are just trying to check things out...this usually will make you popular as everyone will want to make sure you have an enjoyable (but expectation free) evening. Swingers are some of the nicest people you will even meet. You should end up with an evening of good conversation and maybe a few new friends (and as a bonus there is always a chance that you may eventually see them naked...or more).

We promise that it won't hurt and that when you get home you will have hot steamy sex with your partner (read what others have written in the stories and in the forums and see that this is not an uncommon occurrence) and then decide if you both want to try another step forward. Good luck and have fun...

Women are generally more adventurous than men. Go for the club adventure.

And WELCOME to Swingersboard.

Sorry for the late reply, all. We appreciate everybodies response!

What exactly is a meet and greet?

In regards to going to a club, have you had any bad club experiences? We were considering the club route first with the intentions of just playing with each other and being comfortable being naked in front of strangers.

Just to give a quick description of us so anyone can best answer or respond to us:

Mrs: I am 29 years old, shy yet eager to create these new experiences with my husband. My main interests are sex with another couple and taking part in an orgy. Trying to get an idea how to gather up the courage to actually participate in such events.

Mr: 30 years old, shy as well and not one too easily involved in small talk. The wife and I have been speaking about doing these things and an MMF for over a year and finally think the time is coming to try it.

We are both not very social which we know can be a problem but once we know someone, we can get along with many different types of people.

We are hoping for the first official experience to either be a swap or MMF.

Hope to hear from you all soon! Feel free to ask us anything that may help better give you an idea how to advise us.

Thanks for all the advice, we appreciate it!

from Oklahoma, TwoCuriousOnes! Thanks for some good questions!

A "Meet and Greet" is usually held in a hotel conference room or in an open bar. The purpose is to meet "like-minded" folks, so a lot of conversation takes place. One doesn't normally play at a Meet and Greet, unless a strong connection is made and two couples head off to a hotel room.

Don't mistake a "Swingers Board Meet-Up!" to be a Meet and Greet. The former is for members of this board to meet, usually for a Friday and Saturday night, at a hotel. People have come from all over the country to Meet-Ups! but we haven't had one for some time. My late wife and I attended Meet-Ups in Nashville, Dallas, Tulsa and Dayton. A couple has to step forward and organize a Meet-Up!

Y'all sound like a great couple. I think there will be no problem fitting in.

I'd like to invite y'all to read the first few chapters of our novel free of charge. Click on the link below! Then click on the cover of the book.

Glad to have y'all with us!

Thanks for the info!

Couple of quick questions again:

Where do we find out info about meet and greets? Specifically in New York?

Also, what is the average age range when it comes to the swing club scene, or the meet and greets?

If you are on one of the swinger Web sites, you should be able to find out about meet-and-greets in your area that way. Often the people who run meet-and-greets have groups on those sites. We found out about numerous regular meet-and-greets through groups on SLS, for example. This is another good reason to join one of those sites, even though you might be wary of meeting people individually through the site.

The age range of attendees at meet-and-greets, and at clubs, can vary widely, though there is often quite a range of ages at any given event. We have been to one club where the age range tended more toward the younger side, and several others where the 21 to 75 age range was well covered!

To go back to some of your earlier points...

Bad club experiences? I thought about this some, and asked the Mrs. as well. We can't think of any experiences in a club that we would call bad- nothing where someone failed to take no for an answer, or was too aggressive or pushy, or got in our space without our permission (plenty of people have gotten in our "space" with our permission!). We have had a few disappointments, where we wanted to play but it didn't happen, or we were having a good time talking/flirting with a couple, only to have someone else swoop in and whisk them away to a playroom. We also have had some social awkwardness, where we had trouble walking up to a new couple and introducing ourselves. But never anything that we'd call an actual bad experience.

As to you two being shy, I can certainly sympathize with you there. But I think that the ability to talk to new people is a skill that can be learned, and most everybody can improve with practice. I understand that it is a big step out of your comfort zone, but as swingers, the payoff from improving your ability to do this is enormous! If you can learn to come across as friendly and open, and ask questions of those you meet in order to get them talking about themselves first, you will be well on your way! Also, don't be afraid to confess your nervousness- swingers are a very friendly bunch on the whole, and that little reveal of vulnerability can be a way of connecting with someone. You might just find that your confession might help you to gain a friend who will help smooth the way, introduce you to others, and make the process more fun!