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Jealous of close friends checking out gf

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Is it normal that you get jealous if any of your friends look at your gf in a particular way or if your gf herself does the same with your friends? i.e. check them out

 

But if that happened with some strangers it would be more of a turn on for me. Is it normal this feeling when it comes to getting friends checking out or hitting on your gf?

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I don't notice this with my non-swinger friends. But, I would speculate that a friend hitting on her is much more of a threat to you and your relationship. You know she already is fond of the person, has easy access to them, and something romantic could possibly come from the flirting. This would be less likely with a random stranger she doesn't know.

 

Whether it's normal doesn't really matter, it is what it is. You are uncomfortable and need a way to deal with your feelings.

 

People do check each other out all the time and it's just something you need to be rational about. Acknowledge your feelings. Then tell yourself that your girlfriend is choosing to be with you, not them. Ask her for reassurance if you need it. Breathe and let it go. Keep doing this and your jealousy should eventually lessen. If it's more than checking out or mild flirting, talk to your girlfriend about how she can put you at ease (maybe less physical contact with them, more with you when you are all together? Tone down the innuendo? Try to pinpoint things that would make you more comfortable)

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I don't notice this with my non-swinger friends. But, I would speculate that a friend hitting on her is much more of a threat to you and your relationship. You know she already is fond of the person, has easy access to them, and something romantic could possibly come from the flirting. This would be less likely with a random stranger she doesn't know.

 

Whether it's normal doesn't really matter, it is what it is. You are uncomfortable and need a way to deal with your feelings.

 

People do check each other out all the time and it's just something you need to be rational about. Acknowledge your feelings. Then tell yourself that your girlfriend is choosing to be with you, not them. Ask her for reassurance if you need it. Breathe and let it go. Keep doing this and your jealousy should eventually lessen. If it's more than checking out or mild flirting, talk to your girlfriend about how she can put you at ease (maybe less physical contact with them, more with you when you are all together? Tone down the innuendo? Try to pinpoint things that would make you more comfortable)

 

Thank you funcouple for your reply. Perhaps it's just her being playful?

For eg, some time ago my gf leaned over to write something and some of us were standing right in front and we could see through the top of her blouse and she wasn't wearing a bra! I was quite nervous about it. Recently when I told my gf about my feelings she is playful about it.. she acted surprised but saying it's ok since they can only see. Almost like she knew what happened.

 

i'm ok with that unless any of the guys see it as a welcome to approach her.

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Welcome to the world of having a beautiful woman as your girlfriend.

 

That's what happens, friend and foe alike hit on her.

 

Better figure out how to deal with it as it will never, ever, ever, ever, did I say ever? Stop.

 

You could bring it up with her, but again it will never, ever, ever, ever did I say ever? Stop.

 

Personally I just let the jealousy go, we have been together twelve plus years, she is forty plus years old, and you know what, guys are still hitting on her.

 

My advice make sure she knows, you know about it, recognize it and then leave it be, there are bigger things to worry about.

 

Enjoy your time with her.

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I think whether it's "normal" depends on the person. For some people I know, yes, that is their normal, someone checking out or even engaging their significant other in conversation, laughing at their jokes, etc. is enough to cause the jealousy, and it's so very obvious what they are feeling.

 

For others, that same scenario wouldn't cause a bit of jealousy. For those people, if there was a jealous reaction to something, it wouldn't be normal at all, and so when it did happen I think a wise person looks inside themself to try to see why this particular time is bothering them when normally it wouldn't phase them a bit.

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How deep is you affection and other feelings for this woman? Is it time to put a ring on her finger?

 

haha yes! thats the plan for 2016

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Welcome to the world of having a beautiful woman as your girlfriend.

 

That's what happens, friend and foe alike hit on her.

 

Better figure out how to deal with it as it will never, ever, ever, ever, did I say ever? Stop.

 

You could bring it up with her, but again it will never, ever, ever, ever did I say ever? Stop.

 

Personally I just let the jealousy go, we have been together twelve plus years, she is forty plus years old, and you know what, guys are still hitting on her.

 

My advice make sure she knows, you know about it, recognize it and then leave it be, there are bigger things to worry about.

 

Enjoy your time with her.

 

Basically accept that that is going to be the case and be okay with it.

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I think whether it's "normal" depends on the person. For some people I know, yes, that is their normal, someone checking out or even engaging their significant other in conversation, laughing at their jokes, etc. is enough to cause the jealousy, and it's so very obvious what they are feeling.

 

For others, that same scenario wouldn't cause a bit of jealousy. For those people, if there was a jealous reaction to something, it wouldn't be normal at all, and so when it did happen I think a wise person looks inside themself to try to see why this particular time is bothering them when normally it wouldn't phase them a bit.

 

somehow I find all your responses to be so wise! Thanks for helping make sense of everything! Merry Christmas!

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I find such as a complement to her beauty, sexuality, etc., and something that is more between her and the other person. My trust of her is such that there is no real issue of jealousy, and this is more true than ever after we started swinging. Now, there are some guys who conduct their “check-out” in such an offensive way that it is a lack of respect for me and her and there, jealousy is not necessarily the correct response.

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I find such as a complement to her beauty, sexuality, etc., and something that is more between her and the other person. My trust of her is such that there is no real issue of jealousy, and this is more true than ever after we started swinging. Now, there are some guys who conduct their “check-out” in such an offensive way that it is a lack of respect for me and her and there, jealousy is not necessarily the correct response.

 

I agree - that's one of the reasons I like the lifestyle - the pride I'll have sharing my girl and letting the other guy experience how good she is.

But knowing that some of my friends have seen her pretty much naked makes me nervous. And esp since I suspect some of them know about my hotwife fantasies. They may 'target' my gf?

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Basically accept that that is going to be the case and be okay with it.

 

Unless your a controlling prick, that is going to obsess over something she has little control over? Or you like dating women that nobody else finds attractive?

 

They may 'target' my gf?

 

They are gonna target your gf anyway. She's a grown woman, she's going to make her own decisions.

 

What can you do, the best you can do with what you got, just like the rest of us.

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I agree - that's one of the reasons I like the lifestyle - the pride I'll have sharing my girl and letting the other guy experience how good she is.

But knowing that some of my friends have seen her pretty much naked makes me nervous. And esp since I suspect some of them know about my hotwife fantasies. They may 'target' my gf?

 

Why do you suspect that people know about your fantasies?

 

I don't want to analyze you or anything, but I notice a theme in your posts. You're very excited about the idea of sharing your g/f, but also very uncomfortable that men are interested in her and worry that she is flirting back. You also described a situation with your g/f where, to my ear, it's not at all clear if she's trying to make you happy or trying to have an affair with your approval, and you did seem concerned about it. I also see where you've posted twice that you don't enjoy vanilla sex with her anymore.

 

I'm actually not really sure what "targeting" would mean. If men knew you were receptive to having your g/f seduced, naturally they would want to seduce her and she will hopefully enjoy the attention while keeping it in its proper place. They aren't empty vessels who will fulfill your fantasies without thoughts and feeling of their own. And some of our friends have seen Mrs. EastInWest sunbathing topless. I've seen their wives, as well. It's half the reason we wanted a pool. Men look, because she has incredible breasts. Many of our friends probably go home and fantasize about her. They're guys. I think about their wives sometimes, too. I'm a guy. Thanks to the grapevine of ladies' gossip, most of her friends could probably provide a pretty realistic account of what I'm like in bed. They're gals. It's how people work, and it's fine and healthy and normal.

 

That in mind, less respectful men "target" Mrs. EastInWest all the time. Some of them are outright creepy. I've never had to question her conduct or intentions, and people get harshly kicked to the curb if they need to be. We would be hesitant to play with someone we knew because of other peoples' dynamics, we don't need drama or ruined friendships, but that's different from actually believing that someone could come between us if they tried hard enough. Ain't gonna happen. For some reason I'll never understand, she's told very aggressive men with an awful lot going for them to take a hike in order to stick with me and treat me with respect, even when I didn't have much going for myself.

 

I hope I'm not offending you by suggesting that you may have a potentially unhealthy dynamic with your g/f that you should be paying attention to rather than encouraging her to indulge any of your fantasies at this time. On some level you seem to have some anxiety about your g/f's motives and her level of commitment, and - sorry again if I'm overstepping - it's even possible that your aggressive pursuit of your own fantasy, one which she has long stated that she simply does not share, is driving her away from you. (I did look at your post history, and noticed this has been going on for years now.)

 

If you perceive that other men are openly hitting on her right in front of you and she is responding, this may be because you're the only one in the room who hasn't noticed how vulnerable your relationship actually is. If you aren't enjoying vanilla sex with her for its own sake, it's hard to believe she hasn't noticed and started feeling unwanted. That's not going to lead you where you want to go. Whether this is the case or not, if you're at all nervous about other men threatening your relationship, inviting them into bed with her is not where your head should be right now.

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haha yes! thats the plan for 2016
Oh, man. Is she a member here? You would not want her learning about this plan here before she learned about it from you :)

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