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Helping wife get past her reservations about swinging?

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Hi All, I am a heterosexual MWM who is very much in love with my beautiful wife and ever so faithful. We consistently fantasize in bed about bringing another man into bed with us for adult fun only. I am willing to try this at least once, but she has been resistant. With that said she does admit she loves looking at other men and enjoys the thought of sex with other men. How can I make her more at ease, to help her let go and enjoy? I have reassured her quite a bit that under no circumstance would I ever leave her. I will be honest and say that if we ever did this, I would love to see her pleasured by a man with a BBC. Or whoever she decides she would want to let go and do this with. I refuse to do anything to try and trick her or tempt her into anything she really does not want to do. But if in the end, if she really wants to do this, I want her to be at ease, enjoy and just let go. I would love nothing better, than to see my wife pleasured and for her to enjoy herself. Any advice??

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First, I see that you are new here, so WELCOME to swingersboard.

 

When you say she resists, how, exactly, are you making to her the suggestions that she is resisting? Did you begin with something subtle like asking her general impression of people who swing? If yes, what did she say? Having a fantasy and having a desire are two different things and many people are happy with simply holding on to the fantasy.

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Sometimes swinging never becomes more than fantasy. It can be very exciting for the bedroom, but getting past that might not be so. Do the two of you discuss it outside of the bedroom?

 

Here's one idea; with your wife's absolute consent, meet with a single guy that you find (preferably together) on swinglifestyle.com. Let the single guy know in advance there is zero...zero...chance of playing. The idea is to dip your toes in the pool, and meet a real swinger. Make sure your wife understands you have no expectation of her playing either; this is just for fun. Similarly, there are "meet and greets" where swingers get together at a pub/bar somewhere, with no play happening on site. You can meet lots of other like minded swingers, and your wife can see they are real and not twisted people. There are resources here on this forum for finding such meet and greets. If you do that, then it's just a nice night out for drinks and conversation with other people...who happen to be swingers, but there's no intention of playing.

 

It's hard to know why your wife is resisting. The best person to fill those blanks in is...your wife. Talk with her. Gently encourage her to open up. If she's been open enough to share with you that she's looking at other men and enjoying the thought of sex with them, it's just a short distance to her opening up about her fantasies, fears and deepest thoughts on this.

 

Understand; you can not pressure her into this, and if you do it will go poorly.

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I think you two should talk about attending some sort of swinging event like a club or meet and great just as a way to peek over the fence. Don't pressure her, just bring up the idea, discuss it, and then let her decide. Go with no expectations other than having a fun night out together. Swinging is scary when you are looking at it from the outside. When you get around other swingers though, you find they are regular people just like everyone else, and then that makes it not as scary.

 

It's no guarantee of course, she may still decide it's just not for her, but at least you will have removed the fear of the unknown as a stumbling block. If she does show interest in attending an event, do your homework and find one that's a good fit. An off-premise meet and greet will be lower key and less intense since there isn't the option to have sex on the premises, so that would probably be a good choice.

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