For the Husbands: First time experience seeing your better half...PLEASE HELP!

Hi everyone!

I have googled until my eyes fell out... to try to find real stories of husband experiences their first time seeing their wife penetrated. As we discuss (wife and I - both very conservative but have a sexual animal inside us that needs to come out) visiting as guests lifestyle clubs and even starting with "hotwifing" to begin we have so many feelings of what could happen. I for one am most interested in having my wife enjoy herself to utmost. Having been together for more than 20 yrs I sometimes feel I have robbed her of her chance to explore (we started dating in her late teens) as she has not had a lot of partners.

We discussed and have found some good articles but most seem like there is someone "hiding" behind the stories trying to simply write erotica stories based on their fantasy and not fact. Our feeling are one that are full of potential envy, jealousy, excitement, joy, arousal and erotica at the same time a want to see more and less when it happens. Like being at the top of the biggest drop of a roller coaster waiting for it to go down the tracks and you cannot jump off but it is damn exciting.

How did you approach your wives to set a date for it? Talk is cheap!

I have dreamed about the occasion and what it may feel like (see above). I have discussed with a friend in the lifestyle and he supported my possible feelings when it happens.

Having never done anything group... what were your feelings like when it happened? the first time seeing another man´s penis enter your wife, her sounds? how did you feel seeing her become that sexual beast (enjoying herself) more than perhaps you would have imagined? What happened when he was about to cum... did you agree ahead of time the rules (in, out, on top etc...) and did anyone break those rules such as she did not want it but changed her mind mind action and allow the other male to climax inside? what went through your head?

Thanks and I hope for some great answers!

Hi!

First of all: welcome to this board!

I'm one of those husbands since a few weeks and I'll try to answer your questions. But keep in mind that these are our experiences and everyone, including you two, is different so this is only a bit helpful I am afraid, you won't know your own answers to your questions until it is being done.

Eddiem said:

Our feeling are one that are full of potential envy, jealousy, excitement, joy, arousal and erotica at the same time a want to see more and less when it happens. Like being at the top of the biggest drop of a roller coaster waiting for it to go down the tracks and you cannot jump off but it is damn exciting.

That is partly true for me. I didn't feel envy and jealousy at that time, only love, lust and admiring. It did not feel as a roller coaster where I could not jump off, we made sure everyone understood we could stop the whole thing at any point as soon as one of us three (it was a MFM) said no. In fact, it was that security that helped my wife to relax and enjoy it all.

Eddiem said:

How did you approach your wives to set a date for it? Talk is cheap!

We always had shared our fantasies and three years ago, I started to ask 'what if''s. What if we act on it? If we would do it for real? She agreed and we started off a journey of discovering ways to share intimacy with others. We only did soft swaps until recently, my wife asked for more so we looked online for a couple or man to give her that last part.

Eddiem said:

what were your feelings like when it happened?

Only love, lust and admiring. I just laid back the very first time, next to her, stroking her hair and breasts as he entered her. For me it felt like a very small step further than a hand- or blowjob. Not a very big deal when looking at the whole picture.

Eddiem said:

the first time seeing another man´s penis enter your wife, her sounds?

She was very at ease and did not hold back vocally. Just encouraged him and me & enjoying herself immensely. It hurt a bit for her and at first I was a little worried, but as soon as I saw the lust I was reassured.

Eddiem said:

how did you feel seeing her become that sexual beast (enjoying herself) more than perhaps you would have imagined?

Not very different than during other sex acts. It was very erotic. But it was not a beast being released, that one was already released a long time ago.

Eddiem said:

What happened when he was about to cum... did you agree ahead of time the rules (in, out, on top etc...)

No, the only rule was not bare. He did not came in her, she finished him of much later that night. We don't set too many rules, rules which are hard to follow during the acts. Only one.

Eddiem said:

and did anyone break those rules such as she did not want it but changed her mind mind action and allow the other male to climax inside?

No.

Eddiem said:

We discussed and have found some good articles but most seem like there is someone "hiding" behind the stories trying to simply write erotica stories based on their fantasy and not fact.

Many stories in this forum (First Swinging Experiences) are true. With all the hesitations, ugliness, victories and joy. Also, check out the other experiences: Adventures in Swinging

This is our swinging story.

Hope this helps!

Welcome to The Swingers Board! Your googling days are over! (at least for swinging info)

After reading your post, I get the impression you want to start with an MFM experience? There is a lot of info here regarding that subject. It seems to be a popular theme, even with a lot of folks that swap. Look around, learn, ask questions and soon you could be on the road to an educated erotic experience.

How did you approach your wives to set a date for it? Talk is cheap!

By the time we reached the "setting a date" point, we'd already researched swinging online and found a club in our area. Setting a date was little more than: "So, when do we want to check this place out."

Having never done anything group... what were your feelings like when it happened? the first time seeing another man´s penis enter your wife, her sounds? how did you feel seeing her become that sexual beast (enjoying herself) more than perhaps you would have imagined? What happened when he was about to cum... did you agree ahead of time the rules (in, out, on top etc...) and did anyone break those rules such as she did not want it but changed her mind mind action and allow the other male to climax inside? what went through your head?

I'd love to tell you it was a beautiful, magical, hot, sexy moment... but truthfully, our first time was kind of blah. The guy got on, he pumped away, he rolled off. I just felt numb and a bit bored. First times are like that sometimes. The important thing is that we learned from the experience. We talked, figured out why it hadn't really worked for us and what to do to make it better. In the end, it all comes down to attitude. If you're feeling it, it will be great. If you're not... not so much.

We were approached by a couple for a foursome experience, with a note that the lady was bi and the guy wasn’t. Neither my wife nor I are bi and that aspect of it scared me so we said no but continued to discuss it between the two of us and determined that MFM was a better starting point for us. Interestingly enough, the guy from the couple came to town on business a month or so later, we met for drinks and ended up in our first MFM. I was amazed and excite at my wife’s comfort in stripping down and getting started. As we stood, she went down and sucked him, sucked me, and then took them both in her mouth. All of this was quite exciting. But, I must admit, later, when he entered her, I did feel a bit of jealousy or some other emotion that was less than exciting. But seeing her excitement quickly got me past that and it’s not returned in any of the other MFM or swap activity that we have had sense then.

Thanks. I have already received some GREAT advice!

Everyone has been great here! thx for sharing... So my feelings are well very common for the first time. On the plus side... I am not a jealous person. I have lived by the moniker "if they don´t look at my wife or even hit on her (respectfully) then I have a problem". She is gorgeous and there is nothing better than watching her and her face in ecstacy as we make love or more simply put f". There is this glow that highlights her face. I just think she deserves more and better sexual expriences as we have both said from time to time..." would be nice to have tried a few more people..." .-=)

Just start slow, maybe only watching first, and go from there. Listen carefully to your heart and true emotions. And hers. But don't make it too complicated.

We found the discovery of the LS (hence our name) is worthwhile in itself. It's not the goal but the journey that makes it so interesting for us. We always thought only watching and being watched would be our thing. Fast forward three years and tonight we have our fifth date this year and our second full swap. We have discarded the idea of a goal or boundary and just see where this adventure leads us. Including all the emotions, good and not so good, that comes with it.

MrDiscover: Let us know how things go tonight (feel free to just send us the video or pictures ).

I'd say that for me personally as long as I'm an active participant I've only felt excitement and arousal. I've only watched when she is with the other wife and I enjoy that, but I start to feel weird just watching after so long.

That is a good line of questioning because, for most married couples entering the lifestyle, the wife's first time having sex with the "other man" is significant of a large boundary line crossed both for the couple and also for her personal feelings about a lot of what society has ingrained in her pysche while growing up and within traditional relationships.

There are a number of erotic stories and books you two can read together that are great at describing the feelings you two want to explore. You can find some here on this site and lots of books at Amazon. Just surch for MFM and or first time. I might also add that while fantasizing about bareback situations may be exciting it may not be a practical or safe choice in most situations. I'm not judging just suggesting that the possible consequences make most couples use condemns when adding another. It is very reassuring for us to have that rule and to hear our extra partners say they have the same rule.

Our first experience was with a couple we just met on vacation. It wasn't planned at all. It was a vacation thing and we split up in separate rooms the first time. I didn't see the first time my wife was "penetrated" my another man. The next day was the first time I saw this. She claimed, privately to me after, that she didn't like that she was putting on a show in front of me and the other wife. I admit he should have been less aggressive, which she told he was the night before. I had just watched the two women play, my wife was more of the one being played with, She was hesitant of returning the play. Then she took our new friend in her mouth. I watched him be a little pushy there. His wife was next to me, getting me pretty ready. It was very exciting for me. Then he entered her from the rear. I know my wife's sounds during sex. I never thought we would be doing this and to this day she said she didn't orgasm but I know she did. I think it was being away on vacation and being with someone we thought we would never see again that made this so exciting. I have no regrets

Mrs. Alura always gasped when a cock entered her. I remember well the first time I heard that gasp when I wasn't involved. A short time later, Mrs. Playmate and I went into the bedroom and were greeted with an erotic sight, but it was the gasp that I found most exciting.

Thanks! this was great... My approach to this is similar to yours at the start. I did find it difficult to talk about such things with her unless we had a few too many drinks and this happens rarely you know with kids. However she has via some cool sex quizzes indicated she is a bit crazier than even I had expected. I think is cool and erotic!

Now my approach is that we have a good friend whom I found out a couple years ago is in the LS with his wife. She is similar to mine (prudish but can be wild)to have them over for a few drinks (not to have sex) and discuss the LS. Once we get going I know my wife after 2 drinks will be open and chatty about such, not worried about the opinions of others. My friend has a great way of articulating such things. After he told me... I thought long and hard about why he and his opted to. He has been a great teacher and supporter.

Now to your other points...on the act. Rules, I agree. Many say the same... I will basically let it flow and after she understands she is control in the LS she can play out her fantasies. Safe sex yes... it is her call where he deposits his "seed". if she wants to try anal etc... then it is her call. Golden Parachute rule was explained to me as well and sounds like a plan. Rules I guess make the situation at first "more acceptable"...to both.

Hi there

Please look into our stories about MFM. That's our REAL experiences , perhaps you can find what you're looking for. Cheers

Thanks I will check it out. Often I find just some horny people writing their own literotica... We have considered a threesome but she mentioned in one of those great sex fantasy quizzes that her fantasy would be two stranger (men) she was happy I smiled and approved. For me 2 women would be nice but I am more into her having fun. Just the excitement, erotica, nerves, expectations and un-expectations of what and how she will and I will react. The good thing is neither of us is jealous.

The shitty thing would be 2 strange men, means no me to enjoy the sites... and that would annoy me as I would then hammer away with questions on the experiences. I can see it now as she becomes animalistic shedding away that prudish shell as she gives oral to one and the other pounds away.

Eddiem said:

The shitty thing would be 2 strange men, means no me to enjoy the sites... and that would annoy me as I would then hammer away with questions on the experiences. I can see it now as she becomes animalistic shedding away that prudish shell as she gives oral to one and the other pounds away.

Mrs. EastInWest was raised very conservatively when it comes to sex, so-called "Catholic guilt". When we first connected and started going to bed after a year or two of knowing each other socially, she was intensely sexual and had a powerful appetite, but slow to open up and hadn't had a large number of partners. There's an age difference, and I was raised differently (or maybe raised the same way but got over it more easily). So when she learned more about my sexual history she was not put off at all but still surprised that I spent my 20s carousing (or would admit to it), instead of in a marriage the way she thought people were "supposed" to.

This was in a phase where we were still "friends with benefits", and one of the things that really stunned her was learning that I had once been with three women in the same day. (I didn't intend it, it was hanging out with a woman that unexpectedly lasted until the next morning, then an unplanned lunch date and a planned evening that both ended up in bed.)

I took note and pushed her off the cliff at a Halloween party that year. She was petrified but thrilled, needed a few cocktails and some coaching to convince herself to do it, and ended up pleasuring two younger men she never saw again in the back of my car, one after the other, before we parted ways and I took my turn. I had watched a woman perform oral sex on another man before, but never one I was emotionally involved with. I was not "jealous", but it did set off a string of powerful and even dark sensations, especially entering her in her wildly over-stimulated and exhausted state. It was extremely intense for her and she analyzed herself for days, though she never expressed any regrets. Just disbelief that she had done it and that men would so eagerly take her up on it. She always innocently perceived sex as something that men expected from women they desired romantically, and had never really experienced it as... an animal bodily function. She knew she liked having her body admired and enjoyed but it had always been in a certain context, and she was a bit confused to find out that she didn't feel used or demeaned by what had happened.

We don't swing today, although we've done a little very soft swap. (She knows what I like to see.) We stopped seeing our other partners the next year and didn't re-approach the topic for years, though we talk about it often now, in the "what-if" sense. If we do anything, we both agree that it should always be same-room (we are a couple and sex is something we will only do as a couple) with partners the other approves, while we're on vacation and away from our usual circle of people (and can pay undivided attention to each other afterwards) only, and that if we do rise to the level of full swap, it will be strictly with a condom. We are unsure whether we would ever want to see the people involved again, or if that just invites drama.

(We talked over the weekend about submitting the Halloween party to the stories section, and did a rough outline for fun, though we aren't sure if it's worth putting more time into. Should we?)

The first time I saw a man penetrate my wife, I feel we were both as ready for it as possible and willing to give it a try! We had talked about it a bunch and agreed that if we tried it we would not hold it against each other, but rather look at it as an adventure we were both about to take on with lots of unknowns! We talked with the guy beforehand at the bar and told him if any one of us got uncomfortable at any point in time, then we would have to stop whatever it was making the person/persons uncomfortable. Respect is key!

When I finally saw it happen, it was surreal, intense, almost feels like you are on drugs...or what I imagine being on drugs would be like! It was surprisingly comfortable and a huge mix of emotions but mostly excitement. That's how it was for me and us anyways! The sex between my wife and I for several weeks after was crazy and intense! We both felt like it drew us closer together.

Like the previous person said it was surreal! For us it "just happened", but enjoyed every second of it. We had talked about it of course but never really acted on it. it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest with excitement when I saw her take another man. Best night of our lives and our sex life has only improved since then.

EastInWest said:

 

(We talked over the weekend about submitting the Halloween party to the stories section, and did a rough outline for fun, though we aren't sure if it's worth putting more time into. Should we?)

Definitely write it up. Laura and I experimented with a story that we both told from our points of view, as if we were telling the story to another couple. Include the philosophy along with the sexy parts. Good Luck with your story telling! It's fun!

We agree. Write it up. It's always nice to hear others experiences.

I truly believe in what most are saying here. Nice to hear feedback... I think about her needs and need to be more sexual. That sexual beast is locked up in her day to day and again being together for 20+ yrs, trusting each other and her understanding my "fantasy" is all about her makes us both more comfortable and able to weather any storm that may come from this (pardon the pun).

I like to hear and read the male's perspective as what he felt and the ladies perspective on her thoughts. Very deep, emotional and invigorating. Now how to find a partner to help us out. A little leery of craigslist etc. any good suggestions to find the right profile? We do not want to ask friends.

eldiablo311 said:

When I finally saw it happen, it was surreal, intense, almost feels like you are on drugs...or what I imagine being on drugs would be like! It was surprisingly comfortable and a huge mix of emotions but mostly excitement. That's how it was for me and us anyways! The sex between my wife and I for several weeks after was crazy and intense!

The metaphor that came to my mind was that it was like a night with a skilled and attractive lap dancer... the frustration of being in a deliberate, prolonged look-but-don't-touch situation. There's a "high", and I like that type of intense, edgy, charged feeling. There was also an unreality, I like being in a partner's head and wondering what she's going to do and what she wants. Being in a partner's head while they're engaged with someone else in that way felt, yes, very surreal.

The rush came on strong when Mrs. EastInWest made it clear she wasn't going to screw anyone. Until that point, I think we both thought (and both thought the other thought), on some level, that we were daringly teasing. Now she was drawing very real lines and it didn't seem as silly anymore. As we drove, I was crazily aroused listening to her fooling around behind me, but it didn't really hit home until he asked if I minded if he unzipped her dress. At the next light, I adjusted my rear-view mirror a bit, and quickly figured out that she was having her breasts licked and loving it. Later, I heard some movement and the distinctive halting, breathy slurps. I looked in the mirror, couldn't see her, and knew exactly where her head had gone. It felt like every light was green, because I desperately wanted to get a chance to turn around and see to put my racing thoughts to rest.

After that, my level of arousal was painful and a blur, and I stayed "high" until I finally came inside her back at the hotel. I agree about the lasting libido boost, too. Our weekend was very messy, and yes, made for a bonding experience that probably strengthened our relationship. However, our situation was a little bit different than what most people ask about on here... We didn't have the context of a friendship with those involved that might make it more emotionally charged, and we had both agreed that we were just having fun at that point and might eventually meet other partners. What happened was a spontaneous moment of unrepressed behavior that required more than a little encouragement.

For Mrs. EastInWest, sex is tightly bound up with other issues, even though she'll freely admit that her body tells her it shouldn't be. (She has commented that if she had any idea what she liked, she might have ignored her mother and the nuns and spent high school bent over in the locker room instead of fending the boys off. Once you see her true libido on display, you know she's not just being funny.) The little bit of very soft play since has been at my encouragement. She's always hesitant, but always glad afterwards. So am I. I'd like to see her come out of that particular shell someday, but personally, I think she likes being able to tell herself it was all dirty Mr. EastInWest's idea.