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kilkenny

What to expect when you get to your first room?

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What I mean by that? How long does your usual couple play session last and what usually happens during?

 

Here are the stupid questions:

-Do the girls start kissing and playing while the guys watch?

-Do we all get undressed right away?

-How will I know when it's the guys time to jump in with the women?

-As a woman, what do you expect from the man in terms of how long you should last? If she's already cum orally, then do you guys just do your thing? Do you ask her if you should cum? Do you try to get her to cum again with you?

-Finally, how long does your usual play session last?

 

We have had a date and have a couple of more coming up. Hoping we hit it off soon and get to that room.

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For us it is different almost every time. My best advice would be to go with the flow. Be enthusiastic, but polite. You might spend some time talking to your wife about what she envisions.

 

I am bi, but I tend to start with my focus on the other man. That seems to work well for us.

 

Sometimes if the other couple is new too, and you've had a few vanilla dates, it can be hard to transition to play. Starting with your own partner can work well to break the ice, a deck of cards for strip poker, or a truth or dare type phone app might be helpful to have on hand.

 

How long play lasts just depends on the situation. If you are planning because you have to be home at a certain time, I would say give yourselves at least 2-3 hours total in the room. Time to have a drink, get relaxed, play and then socialize a little after playing. Bi girls can stretch things further, because they can keep going after the guys come and then the guys can possibly get hard and go a second time and there are more configurations of people. When you are moving around and switching partners and positions that can make it harder or longer to come. Most people like to meet at a bar or for dinner first, just to make sure everyone is on board before going to the room.

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We're both straight, so since some of the questions don't really apply, the dynamics of our playdates may be different. But, for what it's worth...

 

If we're at a club, playing is maybe 15-20 minutes. That's just because at a crowded club, you don't really have the luxury of moving at a slow pace, repeatedly starting and stopping, and taking as much time as you like. If you are in a private room, there are probably others wanting that room, and they aren't always patient about it. If you are playing in an open area, then there's just a lot of coming and going in general and whether it's real or not, we always feel pressure to do the same.

 

If you are with another couple in a more controlled environment like a hotel room or home, then it's just the opposite. You can do whatever you like since it's just the four of you there. The sex doesn't start right away. Usually you will chat a while, have a few drinks, get dinner, or whatever. When it feels right, things will just naturally come to a head on their own, or there may be some icebreaker involved like a hot tub or something. Failing all of that, someone just needs to say "Would you guys like to play?"

 

Speaking as a guy, I don't worry about cumming, it's not my objective for the night. In fact, I often don't/can't, especially with someone new and then there is the condom and sensitivity issue. The reason I don't worry about it is I want to make her feel as good as I possibly can, so I don't want to come too early, and if in the end we have worn each other down to a frazzle and I still haven't cum yet, then that's fine. I just enjoy the whole experience, whether there is a climax to that experience for me isn't something I focus on.

 

When we play somewhere relaxed, then it can last for hours. Play a while, rest a while, play a while, rest a while. If it was an overnight, there might even be a briefer round 2 the next morning. Our favorite style of swinging isn't really the take off your clothes, have sex, put on your clothes type of thing, so putting a time measure on it is difficult since we don't really separate the sex from the rest of the whole experience and it's kind of woven in and out of it.

 

Just try to be patient and make sure your first couple is the right couple. That will help a lot with feeling comfortable and a lot of this will come more naturally and organically than you think it will.

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Here are the stupid questions:

These are not stupid questions! I wish I had had the presence of mind to ask some of these questions before our first play date!

 

-Do the girls start kissing and playing while the guys watch?

Not necessarily. If the girls are not both bi or bi-curious, there might be no girl-girl kissing at all. But even if they are both bi, it really just depends on how the thing plays out. If one of the girls really wants to make out with the other girl, she will probably find a way to make that happen at some point! But there's no set pattern for how or when that happens.

 

-Do we all get undressed right away?

My guess is "probably not". In our experience, it usually takes people a little time to relax and get in the mood before the clothes come off (see my comment below about awkward transitions...). Now, that's not to say that we have never had a play session where there was so much desire built up, that the clothes were torn off as soon as the door clicked shut!

 

-How will I know when it's the guys time to jump in with the women?

You should talk with your wife about this, and refrain from jumping in until you are invited. If the play starts out with the women together, they should know that you will give them time to have their fun with each other, and then they should take the lead on bringing you guys in when they are ready for you.

 

-As a woman, what do you expect from the man in terms of how long you should last? If she's already cum orally, then do you guys just do your thing? Do you ask her if you should cum? Do you try to get her to cum again with you?

As a guy, I guess I can't really speak from the woman's perspective! For the sake of completeness, I'll mention that you will have already discussed beforehand whether this is going to be a full swap (with intercourse) or soft swap (no intercourse) play session. Most, but not all, women are multi-orgasmic, though a few have kind of a "one-and-done" response. My general goal is to make the woman feel as good as she'll let me before we start the intercourse! Sometimes, that means that she peaks from oral, or from my fingers, but other times she might grab me and encourage me to fuck her before she has orgasms. I aim to please! As far as how long you are expected to last, I think you should let your own responses decide that. I don't think there are generally any particular expectations as to how long a guy should go, or how quick. If you are saying that you can decide when to cum, or how long to go before you cum, then I have a feeling that you will have no problem showing the other woman a good time!

 

-Finally, how long does your usual play session last?

I agree with funcoupledayton's guidance on the duration of a play session. I'd say our play sessions have often gone sround three hours, including warmup time beforehand, the actual play, and the important-to-us ultra-relaxed naked chatting afterwards!

 

Another good topic that funcoupledayton touched on is making the transition from vanilla chatting to kissing and getting naked. Our very first play date should go into a swinger manual as a case study in awkwardness, because of our complete inability to make this transition from talking about kids and jobs to making out. Since then, we have learned to ramp up the flirtyness with our play partners when they like to work that way. When we were hosting at home, we liked to put on a racy video to set the mood. But there are some people for whom the best way to make this transition is to simply stop talking and start kissing! I have the feeling that the more experienced swingers are used to simply "playing through the awkwardness"! This is assuming, of course, that nobody is feeling rushed.

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Here are the stupid questions:

 

I thought these were pretty good questions!

 

-Do the girls start kissing and playing while the guys watch?

 

We had one experience like this. We have also had we start with are regularly partners separately then let things heat up, pretty common. We have had a few where we just swapped partners in the same room and away we went. Honestly though what you are talking about is not uncommon, I never really got it though. For me once there are naked women in the room I want IN!!:facelick:

 

-Do we all get undressed right away?

 

Yeah, kinda. The same as at home, a little kissing a lot of giggling, everybody helps everbody else get undressed. Kinda like the first time you had sex with somebody else.

 

-How will I know when it's the guys time to jump in with the women?

 

Your wife looks at you with lust in her eyes and says 'Fuck me now'...seriously! It's awesome!! Normally I just start participating, we only play with people we have talked to pretty extensively before hand.

 

-As a woman, what do you expect from the man in terms of how long you should last? If she's already cum orally, then do you guys just do your thing? Do you ask her if you should cum? Do you try to get her to cum again with you?

 

I am not a woman. I just do my best to make sure everybody has a great time. It's not that predictable, and different women get of on different things. I've had a great night just making out with a lady we met, frankly looking forward to doing that again!! Super hot.

 

-Finally, how long does your usual play session last?

 

Typically an hour, between leaving a 'common area' finding a place to play, getting undressed, etc. We have now had 'all night' sessions though. Where I think everybody got like four hours sleep?

 

Anybody else got feedback for the man?

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You were both sex virgins at one time as well. Don't be in a rush, enjoy the trip. There are no rules except for the rules the two of you have with each other (and these will most likely change over time). There shouldn't really be any expectations either so just enjoy whatever happens.

 

The answer to most of your questions (and they are NOT stupid) is 'if you/they want to'.

 

-Do the girls start kissing and playing while the guys watch? If they want to. Some girls want to try this out, others are not interested in this at all, and both are okay.

 

-Do we all get undressed right away? If you want to. We have a hot tub which makes this easier to have happen, but one of the hardest things to have happen is for everyone to start removing their clothes.

 

-How will I know when it's the guys time to jump in with the women? If the women start things, they will usually at some point look over at the guys and begin to drag them into the action. Usually, we allow the women to set the pace and determine what they are comfortable with (and ALWAYS honor those limits)

 

-As a woman, what do you expect from the man in terms of how long you should last? If she's already cum orally, then do you guys just do your thing? Do you ask her if you should cum? Do you try to get her to cum again with you? Yes...or no. Be respectful and make sure that everyone has a good time and you will find it doesn't really matter. We look at (the mans orgasm) as the finish. There shouldn't be a hurry to finish because then things are over and winding down. Some of our best play times didn't even involve the men having an orgasm (until later). It can be hard for a man to cum in these situations (try a search on this and you will see). Enjoy the moment but don't put a lot of pressure on yourself or others by having preconceived expectation as to what and/or how things should happen. Just enjoy.

 

-Finally, how long does your usual play session last? Until it's over. Things usually at some point just naturally wind down and we can sense that it's time for a break (usually accompanied by several loud sighs and giggling from the women). Depending on the time, we either take a break or talk about the next time we get together and start picking up.

 

Enjoy the entire experience and just let things happen, it's usually much better this way (IOHO). Good luck and let us know how things are going for you.

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Our real first experience was MFM. We sat there talking for about four hours because no one knew what to do. Then he went for a piss and my wife started kissing me and I had my hand up her dress when he came back.

 

I think the bottom line is you all know why you're there but be polite.

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As mentioned already, there is no script to follow, just be polite and do what you like to do (and, more important, don't do what you don't want to do). But here is our very limited experience, for what it is worth.

 

Do the girls start kissing and playing while the guys watch?

 

No, not in our case. None of the girls are bi. And I would not assume this to be for other dates with other girls or couples too.

To balance your question (funny how this is never asked): the two guys are not bi either, so we won't start it too.

 

Do we all get undressed right away?

 

Not by plan, but it happens in a spur of a moment thing. It really depends on the setting. We like to settle first, have a talk, have a drink. Besides, we and our dates so far really like the undressing part as for-play. A bit like unwrapping a very special present.

 

How will I know when it's the guys time to jump in with the women?

 

See my first answer. We don't, in case of a foursome we start with our own partner and gradually switch to the play partner. I one case, during smalltalk MsD and I started to caress our play partners and went from there.

 

As a woman, what do you expect from the man in terms of how long you should last?

 

Maybe I'm stupid like that, but both MsD and I see it just as sex with our own partner. Which is: we don't expect anything but go with the flow. We 'last' for hours normally, most of the dates I came a few times, sometimes also ejaculated, but I recovery quite quickly so your miles may vary.

 

If she's already cum orally, then do you guys just do your thing?

 

No, not always. If it is a soft swap date, it may be the point to wrap it up, rest for a next round of oral sex of switch back to your own partner for fucking. On one occasion, I had a great time but did not cum at all. On a side note, 'do your thing' sounds like 'I lay here until it is over' but I'm sure you don't mean it like that :-)

 

Do you ask her if you should cum? Do you try to get her to cum again with you?

 

I think the answer is the same. Relax and just enjoy yourself, have sex like you would have with your own partner. It is not a meeting with items on the agenda to check. ;-)

 

Finally, how long does your usual play session last?

 

3 - 8 hours, somewhere in that range. However, wrapping up a date is the part we find very difficult and (in our case anyway) requires the longest lasting couple to finish earlier than natural. Not a very big deal, everyone is different, but we found the situation awkward sometimes.

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