Waiting for first swinging experience

Hi all, we are extremely new to the subject and no prior experience at all. My wife and I have great sex more frequently and have been discussing the subject when we peak at the bed. But she don't like to talk about it afterwards. I want to motivate her to make it happen in reality, so I learn a lot from this blog and curious to implement. Others advices also welcome.

Hello, summer609, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

As you've learned already, it's easier to talk about the sexy adventure of swinging in the heat of passion, when everybody's aroused. But it's important to know that swinging, in addition to being really fun and hot, is also an activity where jealousy, insecurities, and hurt feelings are possible. That's why it is so important that you and your wife figure out a way to talk about this when you are clothed and sitting at the kitchen table, not just when you are in the heat of passion. If you can talk this over when you are not the middle of having sex, you will both be able to talk about what makes you nervous about swinging, as well as what excites you! You will both feel better and more comfortable about swinging if you can get all your feelings out there, talk them over together, and give each other any reassurances you might need.

It is especially important to help your wife to talk about swinging, because it is not clear from your post whether she is really ready and willing to try swinging for real. She needs to come along with you on your journey into swinging as a willing partner. If she feels pressure to try swinging, she may end up doing it just to please you, which is not a good enough reason! Hopefully you both will encourage each other, and help each other to enter this lifestyle together.

Good luck in your journey, keep talking to each other, and keep talking to us here as well!

Welcome to the Swingers Board!

There is a huge gap between fantasy and reality, and sometimes people have fantasies that they like to act out with their partner but they don't have any interest in making them happen in real life. Not having any interest may be because they are truly not interested, or it could be an element of they are unsure about how to make it happen while still staying in their comfort zone. The first one, there is not much one can do about that. Eventually, with time, they may become interested, but that is less likely. If there is a spark of true interest there, but it is the fear of the unknown and worry about hurting the relationship holding them back, then the answer to that is education, and that's where this site comes in. If you both take the time to learn more about swinging, some of those fears may drop away. There is no guarantee that will happen, but by exploring and learning together and talking about what you've learned, that will help build better communication and good communication pays many, many dividends in a relationship, whether it is a swinging relationship or not.

Thank you for the advise and sharing fundamentals, as you said it should be a systematic journey. Ya ill work for success .

In order to be successful you need to have three things: love, trust and communication. All three MUST be there and both people have to feel totally confident in the other to be able to talk about anything, trust in everything, and love each other totally. If one is weak or missing, it won't work. Jealousy will kick in or uncertainty or doubt. Swinging is a magnifying glass that will either elevate your relationship to places you never thought possible or expose your relationships flaws and weaknesses. If she doesn't want to talk about it outside of the bed room, she has doubts and fears. It's usually best to start talking about sexual fantasies with you starting. No matter what she says, do not judge or show any hesitation about how what she says is anything other than totally hot (it will probably be rather...boring (for lack of a better word), but the goal here is to get her to open up and talk. Once you find out what her fantasies are, work towards fulfilling them so she will continue to trust you and open up more. It's one step at a time and may take years...it may never happen either, but no matter what, talking and improving your trust will better your relationship. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

Hi my missus absolutely goes crazy when we talk about her being dp'd when were having sex and it has been on our fantasy to do list for ages but unfortunately that is as far as it has gotten

Do insecurities and jealousies only exist because you are not in the right frame of mind, or is there a reason for these reactions? Does it make you an 'insecure' person just because you are not aroused or you don't enjoy the thought (or action) of someone else being intimate with the person you love? I know jealousy and insecurity are not good feelings but maybe they are necessary. Like fear - maybe they are a natural instinct that your body produces in order to protect itself?

Do insecurities and jealousies only exist because you are not in the right frame of mind, or is there a reason for these reactions? Does it make you an 'insecure' person just because you are not aroused or you don't enjoy the thought (or action) of someone else being intimate with the person you love? I know jealousy and insecurity are not good feelings but maybe they are necessary. Like fear - maybe they are a natural instinct that your body produces in order to protect itself?

Hello, dreyabb, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

You raise some legitimate questions. I get the sense that you are thinking that engaging in swinging is somehow "unnatural", and that feelings of jealousy are a protective device to help keep us from straying into non-monogamous sexual activity. My general reaction is that those people who feel that way should certainly be allowed to remain in their happily monogamous relationships, undisturbed and unjudged by us swingers! By the same token, I expect non-swingers to "live and let live", and allow those of us who legitimately draw pleasure, fulfillment, and a closer bond with our partners, to pursue our activities, undisturbed and unjudged.

No, I do not think it makes someone an "insecure person" (I do disagree with that phrasing... people do not deserve to be labeled as "insecure"- they are people who happen to have some insecurities, just like everybody else!) if they are not turned on by the thought of their spouse having sex with someone else. They just have different views from mine as to what is sexy. And there's no crime in that! By the way, the kind of insecurities I was referring to in addressing the OP were more oriented toward a person who is interested in the idea of swinging, but may not be sure if they are attractive and sexy enough for people other than their spouse. I'm guessing that the vast majority of swingers who face this issue end up finding out that they are more sexy and attractive than they were willing to give themselves credit for!